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Original poster

Foreplay!

22 replies

Comeasyouare · 18/08/2017 13:31

Name changed but not a new user, just a tad embarrassed about this! Blush

I've only had sex with my DP, a bit of fooling around with my boyfriend before him but that's all. So don't really have anything to compare it to.

We have a good sex life and really connect on that level. But... when we're getting started I don't feel like I do as much as him in the foreplay part, or really very much at all. He spends a fair bit of time on me, but sometimes (more often than not), I've hardly done anything for him. He's obviously turned on and doesn't say he wants anything and I think he would tell me.

But is that pretty normal? And what do others do if not? I sometimes feel a bit selfish if I'm just laid there.

I do take the initiative and he likes that, so it's not him wanting to always be in control or anything. But other than a bj to get things started I still don't feel I do that much for just him.

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BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 18/08/2017 13:36

I think that's fine so long as you're both happy. My H doesn't want too much foreplay as it over excites him and then he can't last as long as he would like.

Original poster
Comeasyouare · 18/08/2017 13:56

He says he's happy with it and that it turns him on pleasing me. I just worry a bit, that we've kinda fallen into that being the default because I was so much less experienced than him in the beginning. Even when I start things over than a bit of kissing and touching, I'm not sure what else to do.

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HerOtherHalf · 18/08/2017 13:57

There's no formula to sex, it comes down to what each individual likes and what each couple enjoys together. Just as women are not just about the vagina and boobs though, there's more to a man than the penis (though admittedly some men might make you question that). I think the key to a new partner is to not assume it's a given that anything your previous partners enjoyed or didn't enjoy will apply to them. Start afresh, explore their body with caresses, kisses, strokes and touches. Use their responses to learn what works for them and what doesn't.

Original poster
Comeasyouare · 18/08/2017 14:08

I think that's the problem HerOtherHalf he's not new. We do know what works for us and the sex is great. I just wonder if I could be doing more at the start. It doesn't take very much for him to be turned on and ready to go (so to speak) so I think he just concentrates on me.
I'd just like to feel I put a bit more effort in I guess.

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HerOtherHalf · 18/08/2017 14:21

I think that's the problem HerOtherHalf he's not new.

I realised that after I posted. That doesn't stop you reinventing yourself a little in the bedroom though. Just try new things and see where you go. It never does any harm to spice things up a little. It's all about having fun.

weekendninja · 19/08/2017 02:18

I'd talk more to him about it.

Some men just really get off on seeing their partner getting turned on. My FWB is like this and at first I was a bit puzzled. Ive come to accept that even though he's doing a bit more work when it comes to foreplay, we are both getting out of it what we want.

BoobleMcB · 19/08/2017 11:12

To be fair, you need a bit more attention than he does. So long as he's hard, has good to go. And that doesn't take all that much.

If you're not 'ready' sex ain't happening -or won't be pleasant-

Original poster
Comeasyouare · 19/08/2017 11:46

I think that's it weekendninja he gets off on what he's doing to me. I have spoke to him before and he always says he's really happy with everything and we have a lot of sex, he never struggles to be turned on or anything.

I'm just being a bit silly. I think having a dc has made me a bit paranoid about keeping that side of our relationship good, which it is. But I just wonderd if I should do more in the foreplay side for him, but couldn't actually think of anything I could do. I guess he'd say if he wanted something else though.

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Original poster
Comeasyouare · 19/08/2017 11:50

It really doesn't seem to take much for him no BoobleMcB I guess that's a good thing though.
Since dc he spends even more time on me. But I had a baby and I'm breastfeeding, so I do seem to need a bit more time to be ready now. I think that's contributed to me noticing it seems a bit unbalanced.

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topcat2014 · 19/08/2017 17:33

as per PP, you can see if things are good to go..

TDHManchester · 20/08/2017 07:29

From a male perspective i love nothing better than pleasing my partner sexually, teasing her,making her need me to make love to her but i do find it a big turn off if a woman just lies back and expects me to make all the running,,its not just a case of twiddling my knob and thinking, oh hes hard,my work is done..

ALaughAMinute · 20/08/2017 12:24

In my experience most men prefer to save themselves for the 'main act' (as they see it) and don't like their genitals played with too much before DTD, although they like kissing and the build up to sex throughout the day or the date.

If you want to give your man more foreplay then you might want to consider sexting, lingerie and (sorry if too much detail) masturbationg in front of him. Men are visual creatures after all!

TDHManchester · 20/08/2017 16:20

@laughaminte,,sounds good to me,,lace topped hold ups or me please. Regarding whether men prefer to save themselves or not, i think this would depend on whether he was hair triggered or more controlled.

Original poster
Comeasyouare · 20/08/2017 16:29

That's my worry TDH it feels a big like I'm just laid there. But I'm not sure what to do! Depending on position I can't often even reach to touch him. I tend to end up holding his shoulders or playing with his hair.

We do those things quite often ALaughAMinute although I'm not in to stockings and suspenders type of lingerie, he likes what I do wear!

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Original poster
Comeasyouare · 20/08/2017 16:31

Bit not big!!

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ALaughAMinute · 20/08/2017 17:31

You need to take control more by the sound of it. Push him on the bed and do stuff to him, he'll love that!

TDHManchester · 20/08/2017 18:27

I understand, you feel a bit like a spare part,,,maybe you should take turns at massaging eachother/pleasuring eachother? that way ou can take turns at giving and receiving until the point where you move together for the big event "

Original poster
Comeasyouare · 20/08/2017 18:46

Think I maybe need to ALaughAMinute I wouldn't say I'm passive, not when we actually get down to it anyway. But since baby arrived, he's definitely been instigating a lot more than me and I'm feeling my lack of experience a little bit!

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ALaughAMinute · 20/08/2017 21:28

I wouldn't beat yourself up too much about it if I were you. It's hard to feel sexy when you have a baby to look after and you're breast feeding. That said, it sounds like you are making an effort so you're doing well!

FeedMeAndTellMeImPretty · 21/08/2017 00:37

Sounds pretty normal to me. I get about 40-50 minutes of fun (he gets in on the act for a lot of that though) and then DP has to try really hard to make his bit last more than 4 minutes Grin

I think he's pretty happy with it tbh.

If you want to redress the balance perhaps consider the odd quickie just for him in between times.

Enlightened · 21/08/2017 20:36

From a male perspective it's nice if the woman takes both charge and the initiative. Why not let him lay back while you gently touch his skin all over (not just his penis), tease him, snog him, let him see your naked body. Get him worked up but don't let him take control, you decide when to ride him, he will love it guaranteed.

Original poster
Comeasyouare · 21/08/2017 21:23

Well I don't feel so bad now FeedMeAnd. We have a fair few quickies, he still makes sure I'm ready though and my favourite quickie position makes it difficult to do much just for him, but he does really likes the view!!

I did follow what ALaughAMinute suggested last night and he did seem very happy with it Enlightened

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