Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Sex

You need to have been registered for 7 days to post in the Sex forum. Please don’t send unwanted PMs to other users.

Original poster

Advise please ladies

17 replies

haze46 · 09/08/2017 13:08

Apologies in advance for this ramble but I need an outside opinion. I've been with my partner one year exactly. We had been friends first for 14 years before this. I also have a 6 year old son from a previous relationship.

The problem is our sex life real, mostly the frequency. We have had this argument before he didn't think I was passionate enough as in my kissed weren't passionate enough etc but I thought we had worked through it and I was trying to make more of an effort but on Saturday had a huge blow out.

Just to sent the scene to last Wednesday my boy was away I asked him round and initiated sex I also gave him oral. Then we had sex on Saturday morning went out for the day then out with friends for dinner and drinks. We returned home at 11pm and I said I was going to bed and he started shouting saying I had no desire for him etc (I'll spare the details) then came upstairs and started shouting because he wanted to have sex and since my son wasn't there I should want too. In the morning the argument escalated and he said this was a build up from the week before on the Sunday evening he asked me if I wanted to have sex but I didn't and because I laughed off his advances to was he says hurt and offended that I didn't want to have sex. I should mention though that the had had sex on the Friday and the Sat that weekend it's not as if it had been a long time since we'd been intimate.

I feel like the things he's said have been pretty destructive, it's not nice to feel you have to prove your desire for someone and it's pushing me away it's now like an elephant in the room but I would NOT be with him if I didn't want too and I certainly dont feel like I'm holding out on him. He's making me feel uptight and as if I'm prudish but I really dont think I am?

I do understand that it's not nice to be rejected by a partner but because I don't want sex doesn't mean I don't want him but I also dont feel like someone should feel like they should. I 'm not sure how to fix this or move forward.

Any thoughts from an outsider, greatly appreciated?

OP posts:
Mulch · 09/08/2017 13:19

It's not nice to be rejected but they way he's going about it screams alarm bells to me. How's the rest of the relationship?

Original poster
haze46 · 09/08/2017 13:35

Pretty good, he is great with my son, he does nice things for me and is pretty thoughtful most of the time. I do feel like he's pretty insecure :(

OP posts:
wherearemymarbles · 09/08/2017 13:56

Dump him. He is a twAt and a sex pest. And soon you'll find you are giving in to keep the piece.

This are massive red flags and you'd be a fool to ignor them.

Original poster
haze46 · 09/08/2017 14:27

Thanks ladies for your answers so far I'm so sad about this situation but I really don't feel that he has it all that bad.

OP posts:
wherearemymarbles · 09/08/2017 14:46

He doesnt. Even if he thinks he does that is no excuse to have a hissy. He has hands, he can have a wank if he wants.

The rejection thing is emotional blackmail pure an simple.

Dont be sad, be happy you found out before you were eyes deep in an abusive relationship. Men like this are capable of raping their partners - and not believing they were doing it. Not saying he would but after what you have witnessed can you 100% trust him??

DearMrDilkington · 09/08/2017 14:50

LTB.

There is nothing worse than being with someone that emotionally blackmails you into sleeping with them, trust me. It'll fuck your head up. Get out now.

HerOtherHalf · 09/08/2017 14:52

Personally, I think he's got no reason to feel hard done by but It's not about whether he has it all that bad or not, it's about how he is treating you. He's basically using aggression, bullying and undermining of your self-esteem to coerce you into having sex. It doesn't matter what underlying problems he might have, you don't need this shit in your life and shouldn't tolerate it.

Notmyrealname85 · 09/08/2017 15:01

The problem isn't your desire - it's his communication. Why is he shouting over something that should just be talked through?

If this is him at the beginning of an issue (and a small issue at that), I'd just be really concerned at his resilience generally and whether he can be a decent emotional support for you in future.

It doesn't sound like a give and take relationship - he sounds like too much hard work to start with, and honestly a bit threatening. Sounds like big anger issues there never mind him being insecure.

Him being good with you and your DS otherwise - well that's the basic stuff you'd expect really. But what about the real tough stuff? He doesn't sound suitable, you deserve better

Ps if he's like this with you on one issue, what will he really be like with your son on other things? Sounds scary if he doesn't get his way

XJerseyGirlX · 09/08/2017 15:11

Oh no he is a "sex Guilter"... ive known one of them. " you don't love me that's why you dont want sex" Pressuring sex (but willing to have it even though its forced by you- grim)

That's what put me off him more, the fact that he was basically a sex pest, needy and demanding.

Bye bye boyfriend ..Go and get a man! Not a needy manchild.

Georgieporgypuddinandpie · 09/08/2017 15:11

Nope, nobody should attempt to shout and bully you into sex, ever. Just walk away, sorry but it's a sign of worse to come in my opinion,

SnowiestMountain · 09/08/2017 15:14

God he sounds horrible, please don't put up with this behaviour

NoMudNoLotus11 · 09/08/2017 15:54

Red flags for me were;

"hurt and offended because I didn't want to have sex."

Abusive men make you feel constantly like "you're hurting their feelings " in order to control you. So he would be happy if you obliged his advances even if you weren't in the mood so you don't hurt his "feelings."

Second one was him thinking you don't desire him. I had a relationship where I had to constantly make comments and massage his ego to make him feel fancied and desired and quite frankly it was exhausting.

The signs are there for me in your post based on my own experience.

TheNaze73 · 09/08/2017 16:37

He sounds like a child. He isn't forced to be with you, if he frequency isn't enough for him he should do the right thing & talk to you about it, not try & guilt you.

Aquamarine1029 · 09/08/2017 21:07

Ugh. This guy is a fucking manchild. Dump and run, as his pathetic controlling mind games are only going to get worse. Save yourself a lot of bullshit and end this now.

AdoraBell · 09/08/2017 21:24

I totally agree with NoMudNoLotus11

get rid.

AkimboLimbo · 09/08/2017 21:48

This pathetic excuse for a man does not deserve you and you deserve so much better.
There is no excuse EVER to behave this way. It is not normal and not acceptable.
Dump him and run.

Brahms3rdracket · 10/08/2017 13:49

He's quite simply a massive twat op, finish with him and find a real man. Absolutely pathetic, who would throw a strop expecting it to lead to sex? Yuck!

New posts on this thread. Refresh page

This topic prevents users from posting on it until they have been members for at least 7 days.