Meeting a 'dom'?

[Bleurghghghgh]

Reopened my tinder account today and matched with a (very, very attractive) Italian guy who on further investigation is a 'dom'.

I've not had sex for 6 months and he is very, very good looking so...

I've been messaging him and we've loosely agreed to meet over the weekend - I've had relationships like this on a FWB basis before (as in friends previously) so know I'm into it and know I can handle the casual element but I'm wondering about the etiquette?

I'll ensure we use condoms/ have a safe word etc. But does anyone have any other experience in this/advice?

You don't have to play if you don't want to. Even in casual D/s arrangements you can get to know them until comfortable.

Don't agree to any bondage play before you trust he'll respect your limits.

Discuss limits, both soft and hard before play. With your close on.

Use common sense, if it seems like a red flag don't do it.

Join the website called fetlife, it's like Facebook for kinky people. And check out the Novices and Newbies group. Lots of information there.

Thank you little!

Its all in the contract and that can take a while to sort out. I wouldn't advise just jumping into it straight away until the trust has been established.

If he even mentions a fucking contract, run a mile. Its easy to forget but a D/s relationship is a relationship, just like any other vanilla one - it just so happens that its less egalitatian at times. Its a relationship STYLE, a way of interacting and the basic rules still apply. A lot of fun too... if its your kink, oh and Fetlife is a vipers nest of fakes and flakes. Take a lot of what you read with a pinch of salt. Cowhideman who runs N&N is fabulous - and runs a great board. 90% of the rest is bullshit

I'm curious as to why you should run a mile if a contract is mentioned, I thought rules/contract etc was quite common?

For a D/s experience I would meet first for a drink. To talk in person about the kinds of things you each like. To see if you get a good vibe from him.

Only if that 'date' goes well would I arrange to meet for sex.

I'm not being a prude, I've met plenty of guys just for sex off the bat, but when it's with a Dom, I find the stakes are higher and you'll enjoy it more if you feel safer and have met first.

A contract is like a anal, some people want and like it, others try it but it never really sticks, and others hate it with passion.

If you have 18 years experience in kink then you know there's no one trew way in this lifestyle. My Dom has had relationships which required contracts, this one doesn't. To me and him, it's unnessisary paperwork when we both do enough of that in our day jobs. For others it helps. Who are you to be judge, jury and executioner?

Warning! Warning! Tinder account with Dom in the title is HUGE red flag.

He will be anything but a Dom and more likely a serial player. be very very careful.

Test him asking what RACK (Risk Aware Consensual Kink) and SSC (Safe Sane & Consensual mean). Just drop it in and ask him is thoughts. If he doesn't respond immediately he is googling it. Or call him and ask over phone.

If is not aware of these fundamental tenets and calling himself a Dom, you have a potential consent violator on your hands because at best, he will be utterly clueless and could hurt you accidentally and at worst he is a dangerous predator.

I would second @phoenixashes9 excellent advice. I would be very very wary of any man claiming to be a Dom in a tinder profile.

Just to add another viewpoint - I met a guy who said he was dom sexually in his tinder profile and he was one of the kindest, loveliest men I've ever been with. Super affectionate too. He just wanted to be upfront about it. He was very communicative about it once in person. So there are good ones out there! (He absolutely did not want a 'slave' or anything.)

Just to add another viewpoint - I met a guy who said he was dom sexually in his tinder profile and he was one of the kindest, loveliest men I've ever been with. Super affectionate too. He just wanted to be upfront about it. He was very communicative about it once in person. So there are good ones out there! (He absolutely did not want a 'slave' or anything.)

Just to add another viewpoint - I met a guy who said he was dom sexually in his tinder profile and he was one of the kindest, loveliest men I've ever been with. Super affectionate too. He just wanted to be upfront about it. He was very communicative about it once in person. So there are good ones out there! (He absolutely did not want a 'slave' or anything.)

Oops sorry about that!