I can't deal with abbreviations, or sex it would appear.

[bananamuncher]

Right. So have literally zero interest in sex with my partner. We have a toddler (still breastfed), I'm tired of course, but it's not a confidence thing for me, I'm fit and healthy and all that, I just really, really don't want to. Right now I'm upstairs and he's downstairs, I don't want to go down because he'll want to cuddle me on the sofa and I am trying to avoid it. Sex is dull, boring, predictable, off-putting, lacklustre, blah blah blah. I just cannot be bothered to go through the effort for the weird experience of it. The only plus is that he won't harass me for a little while if I do. I honestly don't think he notices/cares if I like it. I JUST HATE IT. It's uncomfortable and stilted and I don't feel connected or like he's connecting with me. Don't know what to do, it's not possible for me to just do it, because that's just repulsive, and anyway why should I? I've done that before after having the baby and I just ended up resenting him and dreading it and then felt really fucking shitty about myself because he guilted me into it. I feel like he's stuck in a teenage perception of sex and what sex should be and I want something deep and connective and conscious and just a bit more fucking meaningful than a stilted fumble to relieve his tension. Surely I deserve a bit more than that.

I think a bit more info might help a little - was your sex life like this before you had your toddler, or did you enjoy sex with him pre-DC? How is your relationship apart from the sex side of it? E.g. Is he supportive, do you spend much time together, do you still fancy him? Also when you say the sex is uncomfortable, do you mean physically so, or just awkward?

was your sex life like this before you had your toddler,

Yes, for me

or did you enjoy sex with him pre-DC?

Not particularly. It's been stagnant for a good few years

How is your relationship apart from the sex side of it? E.g. Is he supportive,

Not particularly

do you spend much time together,

Yes , too much

do you still fancy him?

Not really

Also when you say the sex is uncomfortable, do you mean physically so, or just awkward?

Both

Christ you need to split up

I'm with Suns on this one! On paper, this just sounds dire for both of you.

What is the point in this relationship? Both of you must be so resentful of each other?
Life really is too short OP

This isn't a problem with sex, it's a much bigger problem with your relationship. It sounds as if it's over. Why are you still with him? This isn't fair on either of you.

Read your reply back to yourself.
Cant be a whole bunch of fun for either of you.

Amicably separate. It's the only way. Life will be much more pleasant for you both once it's sorted.

It sounds like you don't really like him much and that pre-dates having the baby, so why on earth did you have a child together?

It must be pretty crap for him too living with a woman who no longer fancies him and thinks that the time they spend together is too much.

The relationship sounds awful, you need to draw things to a head, see if there is anyway to resolve the underlying problems in the relationship and re-connect or, for both of your sakes, call time on what seems to have become a toxic situation.

Your relationship is over, I don't think there is anything else to say.

Thanks for the responses. I think you've all confirmed what I knew. It's hard to end it because he says he'd rather be with me regardless but we're both miserable, he just thinks it's all me. He has tried to work on stuff but I'm not being fair to him, me, or our child.

The reason we had a child was that I honestly didn't realise how bad things were, I always thought it was just me being unreasonable and that I was unable to be happy because of my issues not because of the relationship. In fairness that is what he told me for years, so I was beyond confused.

Goodness your responses are so clearcut and defined . Seems you are not happy at all. It doesn't sound healthy