Hey,
Firstly, the contents of this thread might be a bit graphic. But I need some advice. I am turning 30 soon and so need to start thinking ahead.
I've been with my boyfriend for 1.5 years. We do live together. However, I am not satisfied with our sex life, and this time ... we should be in our prime.
I'll try and summarize it. It was clear straight away that he watched too much porn by his performance in the bedroom. Even now, he talks constantly which is okay sometimes, but when I'm trying to focus on something and he is like ''How does it feel'' and I have to describe absolutely everything to him. Also, he is one of those guys who can only relieve himself once a day. A long refactory period. (I could go many times a day! but once a day would be fine... if he hadn't already ''spent his load'')
If we do have sex, he often goes soft. Or he just rejects me. So it's clear why. And if we do have sex, he lasts literally 2 minutes. Theres never foreplay. He does not touch me at all.... so there is no pleasure for me whatsoever. This was brought up once before, and he took it on board and started touching me. This lasted for about 4 occasions.
The reason I will blame a lot of it on porn is because of this. We went travelling Thailand, and I was due to return to the UK and he was due to move onto Australia. So i wasn't going to see him for 3 months. It was 3 days before my flight home, and I woke up and he was busy pumping away with his phone in the other hand in the toilet (which had a see-through door) so, he knew he wouldnt have time with me and yet still needed to relieve himself in that way.
When we first started dating, he even said one of his favourite things to do was send and receive photos and watch porn, and yes we did recently hit a really rough patch when I found out he had been sexting one of how ex students. (dont worry, he is no longer a tutor and she was 17 and turned 18 during their sexting) But after a lot of discussions, we got past that although of course, I do have a scare as it was only a couple of months ago that this came out. I also remember how often he used to wank. He even messaged me once when his best friend was over ''I might go to the bathroom for a wank''
I believe he wanks every day when he can. On his phone, we were searching for a pizza and his last searched ''Tiffany Holiday blak cok anal'' popped up. I'm not one for snooping... but I did have a peak at my next oppourtunity. He literally googles porn stars every day and is clearly into a LOT of anal porn. I know lots of men watch porn, but I dont think it's worth it if it means your partner goes unsatisfied.
I havent brought this up because if I did, he would get angry and I wouldnt be able to have a civil conversation about it. I dont know how to tackle it.
He is great in every other aspect of the relationship, so am I just being selfish in wanting a good sex life? I was thinking of maybe writing it to him in a later, or referring him for some sort of therapy.
Oh, he has wanked at work before as well as he admitted it when drunk... so you can see that he does have a problem.
What would you do? How can I bring it up or does therapy sound like a good option? Or am I being silly??