From fb/fwb to more?

[Relaxedapproach]

Anyone had this happen/done this?

I have a guy I'm seeing casually as a fb/fwb. We had a break for a while as we both had other stuff we needed to focus on - me family and health and him family and a work situation.

We've just got back in touch via social media. He's interested in meeting up again.

I really like him but I'm not sure if he'd run a mile.

He says he doesn't have time for a relationship (his life is pretty full on, kids from marriage eow, work involves antisocial hours sometimes plus he keeps an eye on his elderly widowed mum).

I totally am fine with all that and actually don't want a full on every weekend and once a week relationship anyway as I'm quite an independant sort.

Just would like some good sex (tick), cuddles, someone to talk to/text occasionally, maybe occasionally go out of the bedroom for meals or nights out (but again not even as much as once a month).

Friends tease me I need an 'auto boyfriend' like the autopilot in airplane! Just press a button and he pops out his box when I need and folds away neatly when I can't be bothered

I have someone a bit like that. As long as it works for both of you, go for it. But you both really do need to be on the same page about it all. And you can't ever say ANYTHING if he starts dating someone else. I had a bit of a blip when my FWB started seeing someone regularly but I kind of dealt with it on my own. So, as long as you think you'll be OK with that...

I'd actually honestly be happy with an open relationship. I don't agree with infidelity that's different.

But where both could sometimes see other people? No problem at all, it's how the hell to raise the idea? What to say?

Just say it. Just have the awkward relationship talk, mention that you just want to make sure you're both on the same page and how does this sound? And then take it from there...

Nerve wracking! Isn't it?

No its not nerve wracking. If you want an open relationship then you have to be open and set your boundaries and so do they. Simples.

You have experienced of this noego?

I'm relatively new to this 'scene' but like it, it suits me well. But I don't know (obviously) what his reaction would be if I said something like...

"I'd like us to be more than Fwb"

Or

"I'd like to do other things with you too"

Or

"I'd like us to be an item but you can still shag other people and so can I" too blunt??

How about "friends and lovers" This what my relationships are based on.

Start there and work it out between you.

It is nerve wracking but good to be explicit about it. That way, no one gets hurt. Mine is very much a family friend, gets on well with my children, goes out with us all as well as being someone I have great sex with.

Being explicit is the fun part :)

Oh definitely enjoy the explicit parts

I like the friends and lovers idea. I'm usually rubbish at this stuff, normally say 'hypothetical' things but with men especially the penny doesn't always drop! (Women are slightly better but that comes with a whole load of other obstacles).

Like 'do you think you'll want another relationship?' Or I'll say something like 'what I need is a pop up relationship' and they'll say something like 'me too' but not twig (or maybe they do twig and that's the brush off! )

Just would like some good sex (tick), cuddles, someone to talk to/text occasionally, maybe occasionally go out of the bedroom for meals or nights out (but again not even as much as once a month).

I'm confused - to me that's a FWB relationship. What bits of this are you not getting in your existing set up?

I've got this. Fell into it and like you, it suits me. I'm fortunate in that he is very considerate and open and honest. I love him in the way I have a lot of love for my friends and it's reciprocated. Talk to him. He might surprise you.

Isn't it great Mrswinkler (that's not you is it Jo)
Having friends that you can share life with and also have sex with, without any strings. The key words in this kind of friendship would be, respect as well as openness, honesty, and consideration for each others way of life. It is not a conventional lifestyle and those in the mainstream would and do judge it as "not normal" but it suits me and my friends and I love it.