NC for this. I have posted this in relationships for traffic but perhaps its more appropriate here.
At the start of the year I left a EA long term relationship (2 kids), the last few years totally miserable. I lost myself, he was moody, controlling and I was so unhappy. The split hasn't been easy, and I still love my ex despite everything, but we will not be reconciling. In the last two weeks Ex seems to have started to accept everything and has been very nice. We were together 21 years and I can count on one hand how many sexual partners I have had. I am in my own house and me and ex are sharing the child care so have a few nights off a week.
About 5 weeks ago I started seeing someone. I have known him a few years through a friendship group but not well. He knows one of my best friends for years and she thinks he is fab. I always thought he was intriguing but we hardly really spoke and when he found out I was single he contacted me and we met up. I was missing physical contact and knew he would be up for a friends with benefits type scenario. He is a really cool guy, not relationship material (think surfer, ideas on monogamy are interesting and on the whole I agree with his principles on life). He couldn't be more different from my ex in all his outlook and it is very refreshing in a lot of ways.
This last week I had 4 nights without the kids and we spent a lot of time together (lunchtimes, very late nights etc) . The sex is amazing (totally, he is very skilled and its incredibly passionate) and we get on really well (we laugh a lot). When we first started seeing each other, he said he thought I needed to go and have lots of fun with different people if I wanted too, and that if that was what I wanted or he wanted then we should be honest with each other and let the other person know. The other night I asked him if he had been seeing anyone and he said not since we started. I believe him.
The sex has moved into something much more intimate and I am starting to freak out a little bit. I am not wanting to be in a relationship, but I am also not looking for anything else. I enjoy my own company and am enjoying reconnecting with life again. So, it sounds ideal i guess. BUT..........I am not developing feelings, but I like him a lot and look forward to seeing him. However I am petrified I will start developing feelings, and I am a bit worried I have made myself vulnerable. I can cope with that, if he decided he wanted to stop or see someone else, I think I would be cool with that.
So my question is, do i stop this now, before I risk making myself more vulnerable. Or do I continue and just see what happens. Do I tell him I am frightened?
I think I have spent so long not being able to or feeling like I can share my feelings, I am scared that it will freak him out, or lead him to think there is more to it than there is.
Help!!