Submissive??

[HesNotVanilla]

I'm beginning a connection with somebody but it can't actually get physical for a while. Backstory I won't share.

He's incredibly sexual and graphic and I feel out of my depth just when we talk, he's obviously experienced far more than I have in my pretty vanilla sexual history.

I do feel aroused but the dark/twisted side to sexual things is something I've never indulged in before and don't honestly know if I can handle it. It feels degrading to be commanded to beg to submit to him... If I feel like that just in conversation, I'm going to freak out over it if it's reality aren't I?

I have said I feel scared and would need time to warm up.

What's he really asking of me? Does it lead into more master/slave bondage type stuff? Do I just get the fuck out now, or does it come with time that you enjoy it?

So sex with him is “Like playing with fire.” He’s a prat who’s got an overly inflated opinion of himself. As far as I understand it, Male Dominants have spade loads of narcissism and lack empathy.

Sounds like a real catch to me........NOT.

Run for the hills

He sounds like a controlling abuser who has realised in the wake of 50 shades that he can make the controlling demanding behaviour seem acceptable, even attractive to women he courts through styling himself as a Dom. BDSM even relatively low level stuff requires a huge amount of trust and also requires that BOTH partners are into it in the respective roles. He is playing a game of push pull with you to try and get you to do what he wants but have you thinking it was your decision. If you were into BDSM and he was genuine it you wouldn't be having these feelings, walk away now and don't waste your time. Also, BDSM isn't superior to vanilla sex, and I think he is trying to make you feel inadequate to manipulate you more easily.

I met someone like this a while back. We were beginning to get to know each other and he started giving me all that 'you couldn't handle me...I'm wrong for you...I'd ruin you for anyone else...I went dark and could never go back now...'bollocks.
As it turned out, I just couldn't be arsed with his arrogant bullshit and we never did actually have sex. But we have become fairly good friends and I maintain he's just an idiot in the sexual sense. He preys on young girls gagging for the Christian Grey coke fuelled fantasy and is never satisfied or lasts with any of them. I find it all a bit sad really.

On the plus side, shortly after I met the best guy ever. I adore him and him me. Our sexual relationship has naturally progressed to one that's very dom/sub but we're both happy with that and it fuels us both. However, because we fell for each other first and it naturally developed that way, it's safe and loving. Yesterday for instance, I was hog-tied, blindfolded and gagged when he tried to manoeuvre me a particular way. My hip sometimes pops out and it did then- resulting it a massive attack of the giggles from me. He was trying to boss me around and tell me to stop and was flogging me for laughing but I just couldn't stop. In the end, we were both hysterical and he had to untie me. Completely broke the spell!
My point is though, it should be fun and loving and safe- not something you're being told to fear or you can't handle.

Im sorry but I'll bet anything your backstory suggests he is an abusive wanker. You think they're separate issues, I'll guarantee they aren't

In that type of relationship you absolutely need someone who you can trust to respect your boundaries. He doesn't. This could mess with your head for a long time (been there)

Eh? What did I just read?! What about this idiot is attractive to you? You'd be a complete fool (at best) to romanticise the way you're feeling about him already... being scared of someone and being aware that they 'won't' back off isn't a healthy thing.

Bit of an over-simplification of the character of the Male Dominant there, if you don't mind my saying so travellinglighter

But I agree that OP's "Dom" sounds like a right knob.

A dom should work to gain your trust before anything happens. The sub is ultimately in control of any bdsm scene because you can stop it at any time. With a bloke this arrogant and uncaring I would worry that he wouldn't necessarily stop because he "warned you at the start" what he was like

I say this as a guy. Run. NOW. Keep away from this prick (literally and figuratively). Connection or not he is a total cock womble.

Any dominant or master worth there stuff, let's you come to it on your own with gentle guidance. This guy sounds like he's read to much porn.

First time I had to beg, I felt daft. Now I adore it. There's something in that humiliating and degrading moment :)

Fetlife is a great place. The forums are packed with info and people willing to offer advice.

'playing with fire'

FFS what a knob. Right up there with 'true romantic'.

When people tell you who they are, believe them. However, he's not telling you he is 'fire', he's telling you that he's a wanker who thinks in cliches but that it's all your fault if things go wrong.

Is the backstory that he's in prison?

Twat of the highest order. He isn't a Dom. There has to be MUTUAL trust and respect for a good dom/sub relationship.

And just how full of himself is he?!?! What a pratt!

Best advice I ever got when think about entering into a bdsm relationship: sit down with your clothes on, no games, and talk about exactly what you want and what your limits are. If you can't do that then you shouldn't be playing with them.
This guy does sound like a twat who picked up 50 shades and thought it sounded like a fun way for him to get what he wants from women though

he doesn't sound particularly bothered about your needs. You need to watch you don't get into an abusive situation. He sounds like a wanker