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Original poster

New BF & masturbation

35 replies

GlamourJade · 24/04/2017 20:16

I have a new BF and he's pretty good in bed, apart from one issue, which is a new one on me...

He doesn't seem to be able to cum from anything I do to him or with him. Not oral, penetration or me giving him a hand job.

He doesn't seem remotely bothered by this and, after a good old session together, he simply masturbates next to me to finish off. Takes but a few minutes.

Not quite sure what to do at that point though, other than lay next to him stroking his tummy. Seems odd not to be involved. :-/

OP posts:
NotTheFordType · 27/04/2017 17:01

Ordinaryman, how many of your male friends have you sat down and said "Can we have a little chat about the way you wank?" I'm struggling to imagine this as a conversation opener in the pub on a Friday, or in the office canteen at lunch Grin

Death grip is definitely a real problem. It's not a problem for ALL men, obviously, but I've a fair few clients who have to finish off by hand. They yank their cocks so hard I sometimes wonder they don't rip the bloody things off. If I ask them, they say "I've just always done it like this since I was a teenager and I can't cum any other way."

Also - clit death rub is a thing too, although not as common. A Hitachi magic wand can very much desensitize the clit if used frequently. I had to stop using mine as it was becoming impossible for me to orgasm with clients and partners without plugging the bloody thing in.

DrMorbius · 28/04/2017 08:12

Death Grip is a MN invention. There may be some vague medical basis, but on here it has been turned into the scourge of all performance ills. I have said a number of times that I once read that men (up to their 50's) ^masturbate 5 -7 times a week^ (in a relationship or not). What do you think we all do, choke the life out of our little fella.

NotTheFordType i didn't put it that way, but i asked some of my mates, one night in the pub had they heard of the dreaded Death Grip after having to explain what it was, the general tone was how funny it was that you all think we don't treat our little fella with the upmost respect. I.e not choke it to death.

user1479302027 · 28/04/2017 15:55

Perhaps you could help him out in small ways while he is "finishing".I often end sex this way because I sense my dw is getting a bit tired after she had had orgasms herself. however I really like it if she puts her head by mine so I can hear her breathe, and smell her hair. It is much more intimate and nicer than "going solo" for me.

GeorgiePeachie · 28/04/2017 16:01

Um, why are you just lying next to him. When he starts to 'finish off' maybe try performing for him a little bit? I dunno if he'd be into it, but that can make you feel sexy and involved.

TMI perhaps but do you 69/him go down on you. You can straddle his face while he masturbates...He probably won't be able to do anything useful... but another way to be more involved.

I don't think he needs recalibrating, work with it as much as you can.

Garlicansapphire · 28/04/2017 16:16

Well I've come across men only peaking through masturbation before. And my friend who is a sex therapist certainly has. He suggests a number of possible causes including death grip and addiction to porn:

  • impact of other medication - eg. for depression
  • use of viagra
  • extended periods of not having sex, performance anxiety
  • ageing
  • underlying medical conditions including diabetes
  • alcohol and drug dependence.
lookatmenow · 28/04/2017 20:21

I was with a previous partner for 12yrs who was like this. Sex was nearly always finished of with him wanking whilst I played with his balls and surrounding area or snuggled up close so he could feel boobs/pussy, talking dirty etc.
There was no death grip scenario, no drugs etc just that from an early age he was paranoid of getting some one pregnant he found it hard to let go at that moment whilst inside a woman. It was a head thing for him. Didn't bother me as I didn't have it dribbling out of me Grin
Also, we did have a baby together no problem, he was happy to come inside when it was required and he let go as he was good to go then so to speak

Garlicansapphire · 29/04/2017 10:01

I tried all of the involvement things suggested here. He often couldn't orgasm at all. I think it was definitely something going on in his head (just one of many). In the end if I'm really honest it wasn't that satisfying.... Our relationship ended for other reasons but as much as he loved our sex life there was something missing for me. It was too focused on my (multiple) orgasms and too much. Sounds odd i suppose.

Original poster
GlamourJade · 02/05/2017 22:02

Well I think I can safely say we've sorted that issue out..... 😜

Didn't even have to have 'the chat' in the end. I think it must have been just performance anxiety.

OP posts:
GeorgiePeachie · 03/05/2017 17:23

Awesome news Glamour!

ENJOY

ordinaryman · 04/05/2017 14:22

Good news Star

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