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Have just read a thread in this topic where someone said that they hate sex and are glad to see the back of it- had been married 5 years not had sex for 4 ....

13 replies

ginorwine · 23/04/2017 18:28

I too struggle to have sex . For various reasons despite dh being attractive . I thknk I'm quite adverse to it . I know a friend in rl who has not had sex for years and years with her partner and another who avoids as much as she can .
Does anyone else feel the same ?
I feel I should force myself to do it for dh . He misses it but doesn't want me to force myself . He is actually very attentive in bed . It's just not what I want to do . I enjoy doing other things with him . He says he wd rather stay with me than leave to fulfil this aspect of his life . I feel mean but simply don't want to make myself do something so intimate I don't want to do and I wonder if anyone else is the same ..

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DevilMakesWork · 23/04/2017 21:49

You shouldn't have to do anything sexual you don't want to. End of that discussion. But I think you are gving your DH a decision to make -- most people would have doubts about committing to a life of no sex.

OrlandaFuriosa · 23/04/2017 23:15

I too don't think you should have to do something you don't want to.

But you are also putting your DH is a v difficult position. If you like having sex, living without it is grim.

Is there a reason you don't like it? I don't mean that you should share it here, but it might be worth thinking about. For example ( and these are only a few options of the many)

Some people have had bad experiences
Some people find themselves overwhelmed by the physical sensation - quite usual for ASD people
Some don't like the idea, perhaps because of family values
Some are asexual
Some might be gay/ transgender/straight in inclination but this partnership isn't, if you see what I mean,
Some have a lower level of the appropriate hormone.
Some no longer find this partner attractive.

It might be worth thinking about and discussing with your partner or a counsellor. Because it is unlikely to get easier for either of you over the years ahead.

ginorwine · 23/04/2017 23:18

I have had a very bad exierince that despite councelling I have not been able to resolve .
Dh aware of this .

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saleorbouy · 24/04/2017 00:33

A relationship is between two people and both must be satisfied in the partnership. Of course one of the partnership can go unsatisfied for a length of time but for how long? Everyone has desires and these must be attended to and met in order that they feel fulfilled and mutually respected. A partnership cannot be long lasting when only your needs are met but your partners are not. Comprise is the key to longevity, sometimes this will mean that you need to accommodate your partners needs and desires above yours.

Isadora2007 · 24/04/2017 00:37

Have you considered psychosexual counselling? Or EMDR therapy if your experience was trauma based?

It does seem sad you would prefer to never have sex again. It is a loss for the relationship of that intimate connection as well as the enjoyable aspects of sex which you are also missing out on. As is your husband.

OrlandaFuriosa · 24/04/2017 09:44

Op, so sorry.

The problem is, though, that the issue won't go away. So some sort of compromise will be necessary if the partnership is to survive . Again, lots of options.

Very sorry if I triggered bad thoughts.

ginorwine · 24/04/2017 18:11

No worries
U very kind ❤️

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ginorwine · 24/04/2017 18:35

Sale I understand that
But it triggers traumatic stuff
I'm going to have to address further

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Dadaist · 01/05/2017 17:02

You need more than 'counselling' OP - could you see your GP and ask about psychotherapy? I think it could make a huge difference to you and help your relationship too.

ginorwine · 05/05/2017 14:59

Thanks for response
Have started phychotherapy
Huge gp wait so pay and eat cheaper food to help with costs

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Dadaist · 05/05/2017 20:30

That's brilliant ginorwine! Very good luck. It may be painful to begin with - but I really hope it helps!

OrlandaFuriosa · 07/05/2017 16:52

Well done! You're amazing. A box of tissues will be your friend: I wept and wept.

ginorwine · 09/05/2017 17:39

Thankyou orla

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