Sex two years on from bad tear...frustrating

[jajagabor]

I had a 3rd degree (level c) tear almost two years ago now. All pretty horrific at the time but has healed pretty well I think -although I avoid looking at the entire area now having traumatised myself with a mirror about 8 weeks after the birth...
My big issue is that sex is no longer anything like it once was & I don't know if this is just something that I now have to accept? There's no pain / discomfort.... there's just not that much of anything which I find hugely frustrating and which basically makes me completely uninterested in doing it again.

I'm possibly slightly unusual in that penetrative sex was always my favourite and I always found it pretty easy (& fast) to come that way. Now I feel like I'm the owner of someone else's vagina, like the doctors created something that wasn't previously there. I have absolutely no idea how to get back to where I was before or if this is even possible? Anyone had experience of anything similar? I've had a quick search and lots of talk of pain / prolapses etc.. (all of which I went through 2 years ago) but not much about this overall change of sensation which I'm just finding pretty heart-breaking...

A lot of women find that the way their vagina's work sexually is different after birth. Not always because of birth injury either. Sometimes just the event of birth changes things. I assume you have tried intense pelvic floor exercises? Consulting a women's health physio maybe?

It might be, though, that if the only issue is sex then you might find that now penentrative sex might not as orgasmic without other stimulation. It might change with time with any luck though.

Thanks for the reply Mabel, yep I did all the pelvic floor and saw a physio for a few months after the birth which really helped tighten everything back up I think. At that point I definitely wasn't having sex though so was unaware of this longer-term issue I've been left with.
And yes, I should add this was with my third baby - had small tears with the previous two, and things did indeed feel a little 'different' but in no way dramatically worse. Everything has changed now basically - the angle, the sensation. Feels like maybe it is just something I'm going to have to learn to live with... Was just hoping that maybe I wasn't the only one and maybe someone had some similar experience to share!

It was the third that changed things the most for me too. Not as dramatically as your situation though. Just felt very different. I have never had a tear though....oddly!

Some women find it gets better after birth...the lucky ones obviously!

Me! I'm 5, yes FIVE, years down the line from a 3rd degree level c tear. I used to love penetrative sex. The tear totally ruined it for me. Like you, I'm way past the pain/discomfort stage. I just feel nothing. I've tried various exercises, positions, toys, trying to change my mindset, even bloody meditation during sex, you name it I've tried it. I'm gradually coming to the point where I can accept it and not be angry about it. But it really does kill off any interest in sex. I just can't seem to get excited over it.

Hope I haven't just pissed on the dying embers of your bonfire

That's bloody awful Mamaka, I wonder how many of us there are :((
And yep Mabel I think sex did get even better for me after babies 1 & 2. Who would've guessed I'd mess it all up by going back for a third..
I haven't totally given up yet Mamaka as haven't been particularly experimental if I'm honest - have just felt too down about it all to do more than the basics. Can't imagine there'll be a miraculous improvement after 2 years though. I just haven't been able to find any information on this - are we just massively unlucky or is it just something people keep to themselves? Have you come across any other info anywhere??

I have come across very little info at all. It's usually aimed towards less experienced women who are not sure whether they're feeling the "right" thing or gives advice about pelvic floor exercises or various medical conditions. Nothing about a completely battle torn vagina

I guess some of it is to do with a huge amount of scar tissue. I know there is the possibility of surgery to remove scar tissue but I just can't face the thought at the moment. What if it produces more scar tissue and makes things worse? There would be another recovery period as well to factor in.

jajagabor I think these issues are things people keep to themselves which isn't helpful as we need women to be shouting about the damage done at childbirth. And looking for answers for a full recovery.

I had a third degree tear (a - I think). I don't think my pelvic floor is quite back into shape - I have damage to my sphincter too. I am alright on the sex front (I wasn't orgasming with penetration before my injury) . I have noticed my bladder being very slow - that is like all the signals aren't happening down there.

I wish you both some luck in finding some answers .

Me too, third baby, third degree tears, never been the same , had physio, see a different GP every time, got offered sex therapy by one, recently I asked for blood tests to see if it's my hormones, but my body is not the same, eight years on, sad times ...

I feel like I had an involuntary vaginaplasty and everything has moved. Nothing works as good as it used to and a loss of certain sensations but not all. It is very frustrating. I was told they could "fix" the position but I've not gone about it because I'm afraid they will do more damage than good. I want more children but I'm going to ask for an elcs for subsequent births to avoid any more damage.