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Original poster

High sex drive/addiction

16 replies

Lovemusic33 · 20/03/2017 17:51

Was going to name change as slightly embarrassed.
Since leaving my sexless marriage 2 years ago my sex drive has been sky high, sex with ex husband was vanilla and my self confidence was 0 thanks to him. I am now happy with my body, more confident and willing to try different things. I have been with more men since splitting with dh than before I met him. I crave sex and could happily do it every day. Only problem is I have been seeing someone for a few months but he lives quite far away, sometimes I go 2-3 weeks without seeing him, by the time I see him I am desperate for sex and could happily spend a day in bed Smile. Because of this I don't think I can handle a long distance relationship.

Is it possible to be addicted to sex? Why to I cope going years without it with exh but now I can't go a few days?

OP posts:
Huskylover1 · 20/03/2017 20:10

2-3 weeks is a loooong time! Sounds like you didn't fancy ExH much, and are now finding your wings, so to speak. I could have happily not had sex with ExH, for months on end. My now DH, phoar, he's a hunk, I'd happily do it daily. Fwiw, I don't think you are going to make this LDR work, it's hard enough if you have to go LD with a Partner of many years, say for work or something, but this is a new relationship. do you also really think that he is going without nooky for that amount of time

Original poster
Lovemusic33 · 20/03/2017 20:34

Husky, he doesn't seem to have a very high sex drive Sad, I don't know if he's being faithful ( I would like to think he is ) but I know I'm struggling Grin. I don't feel like I'm in a relationship, more like I'm just waiting around in hope that he will see me more often. I am still dating and chatting to other men ( sounds bad ). Then I feel kind of guilty because he says he loves me etc.. etc..

Towards the end of my marriage I don't think I fancied him at all and even at the beginning sex was pretty vanilla, boring mitionary. Since online dating and being single I have tried lots of new things and gave so much more confidence, I just want to be doing it a lot more often.

OP posts:
noego · 20/03/2017 20:56

LDR's are difficult when libido is raging. There is of course phone sex and it is titillating but not the real thing. Local is best. Booty calls and all that :)

Huskylover1 · 20/03/2017 21:07

I'd still chat and see other men if I was you!

A cock in the hand, is worth two in the bush, and all that Wink

Original poster
Lovemusic33 · 20/03/2017 21:58

He doesn't even have time for phone sex, he works a lot and has had family issues which have taken up a lot of his time. I keep hoping things will improve so I don't see him more but in the meantime ' a woman has needs'. Although it feels a bit naughty dating other men I nee to feel my addiction Wink or I'm going to go crazy.

OP posts:
wherearemymarbles · 20/03/2017 22:25

I am sure loveshagging33 would been available as name......

Bromide in your morning tea...
Question, are you just feeling naturally randy or is this guy stirring the hormones.

Long distance can work with commitment - my work colleague used to drive 2 hours after work mid week, get up at 5am to get back to the office following day.

I'd have a frank conversation if I were you. You might well be the right person but just a the wrong time.

noego · 20/03/2017 22:31

If it is a serious sex addiction I would seek help from a professional therapist.
If you have a series of ONS or FWB type of relationships and are slightly involved/attached with someone else it could cause you MH issues later on. Guilt, fear, anxiety etc. and if you become attached to a FWB and it goes nowhere that could end up hurting to.
I'm all for open relationships and people f**king their brains out, but the mind has to be clear of all pre conceived idea's regarding relationship values.

Original poster
Lovemusic33 · 21/03/2017 08:06

Noego, I think you are right Sad, I have had a hard time in the last, last relationship was pretty full on from day one and ended badly. I do have a couple FWB and they are people that I would never want a relationship with (I don't find them that attractive and we don't have much in common) but I have had FWB before that I have fallen for and things have got messy. I guess ideally I want a relationship but with someone who can give me plenty of sex. I really like the man I am seeing but I'm not sure if I love him, the distance thing is hard, the fact that he works a lot means when I do see him he is pretty tired. I have talked to him, told him I'm finding it hard not seeing him very often, he just tells me that he's looking for a new job but that doesn't really solve the problem Sad. Yesterday I met up with a FWB, I feel slightly guilty but then again I feel like the man I'm seeing could put more effort in to meet up even if it's just once or twice a week. I know sex is different when in a relationship and I prefer that kind of sex rather than a quickie with someone I have no emotional attachment too.

OP posts:
wherearemymarbles · 21/03/2017 14:36

If you really like him it is a bit mean to get a quick fix behind his back.

Maybe best to end it or tell him its a non exclusive relationship until he can commit more time.

noego · 21/03/2017 14:46

Without going into to much detail here. I have a number of, what I like to call friends and lovers. The boundaries, parameters discussions have taken place and everyone understands the relationship they are involved in. They are not all the same. Some are similar, but with variations. The main underlying theme is these relationships will have a beginning and an ending when either one needs to move on, without animosity or recriminations. Everyone comes into them with eyes wide open. If emotional attachment is getting to deep then that is seen as a red flag and the relationship ends.

Original poster
Lovemusic33 · 21/03/2017 18:23

where you are right, I do feel guilty, I have never cheated on anyone before but then I have never been in a relationship with someone who I only see twice a month (at the most), we have talked about this before and we almost ended it a few weeks ago but he promised he would make an effort to see me more, this is yet to happen. I know I'm going to have to talk to him and say 'unless he can commit more then we can't be in a relationship'.

noego how do you keep everyone happy? Smile, I have had a in and off FWB for years, he's someone I have know since I was a child and we both know that we would never be in a relationship together. I have several other friends who would happily be FWB but I worry they will become emotionally involved (maybe they already are a little which is why I try and stay clear). I don't really want to have ONS and FWB, I would like a relationship but it needs to be with the right person and someone with a high sex drive Grin.

OP posts:
noego · 21/03/2017 19:00

The ideal is friendship first and then the physical. Some of them do not have high sex drives, but need physical contact now and again with no strings. Some have higher sex drives/libido's that come and go and are not constant.
So to give an example. Might go for dinner and the evening ends with no sex and that's fine, it could end up in the bedroom and that's fine to. Remember this has to be mutual. Sometimes their libido is running on high and in their words they need a good pounding, that's fine to, but wine me, dine me and share a night in first. Sometimes they have been on a night out and feel horny and so will get a phone call to see if its ok to come round. If its not then it is not. As for LDR's sometimes when chatting it gets flirty and then ends up in phone sex.

Sharing each others lives is also one of the plusses of this kind of relationship. I like that they are all independent, physically and psychologically free. They do not want to live with anyone, they have their own careers, hobbies, friends, families, homes, cars, financially independent, but yes they do need physical contact on some sort of emotional level. But not on a deep emotional level.

It's all very mature.

wherearemymarbles · 22/03/2017 00:11

Look at it like this lm33. Even though you are not married or living together you are already employing a coping strategy to deal with the lack of sex
millions and millions of men and women around the world have affairs to cope with a lack of intimacy.

No ego talks sense but his life is not yours and great sex for you will not be a means unto itself. I guess casual sex for you is like fast food - fills you up for an hour or so but leaves you feeling a bit queasy

noego · 22/03/2017 07:14

I guess casual sex for you is like fast food - fills you up for an hour or so but leaves you feeling a bit queasy

If this is the case then sex can be seen as perfunctory, Its just a means to an end. A release of tension.
If one is completely satiated after sex whether through DTD or masturbation then the desire is satisfied and doesn't need to be topped up on a regular basis.
It is these kind of relationships therefore that some level of connection is required and being friendship based helps communication.
SO the wining, dining, chat, banter, giggling, seducing makes for an easy pleasant evening with hot sex as dessert.
It is far from the wham, bam, thank you mam, type of sex associated with FWB.

Original poster
Lovemusic33 · 22/03/2017 07:32

I think one of the problems is that I am satisfied after sex but only for a short time (sometimes only a hour and then I want it again), I never used to be like this, maybe it's because sex has got better? My last partner was very good in bed and we had sex most days, sadly he was also getting it somewhere else towards the end Sad, I was really hurt that he cheated and I really don't want to make myself as bad as him by doing the same to this guy but I really don't know if I can do this long distance thing. His sex drive is low, he has been single for a long time and spent years getting over his ex and not seeing anyone, I think he's just pleased to be getting it every 2 weeks or so.

OP posts:
noego · 22/03/2017 07:52

Its a libido mismatch then and its LDR, so not ideal to satisfy your urges.

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