Will I ever want to have sex again?! Help :-(

[Shuzza]

Please help- feeling rather desperate :-(
DH and I have been together 8 years, until now a great relationship. We have 2 DCs 3 and 9m and basically since DC one my sex drive hasn't really returned. We are now exhausted from sleep deprivation and are both under a lot of stress which doesn't help but DH is just so frustrated it's really effecting his mood. He has explained he knows logically what's going on and he doesn't want to pressure me but it's a very physical thing for him and he is struggling to manage it (he's trying gym and regular masturbation)
I am shattered as run own company and have the kids (I do have childcare) the issue for me is that sex basically doesn't even enter my mind. When I try and make an effort by dressing up a bit, shave legs etc and try and emotionally connect, it still doesn't necessarily lead to me feeling up for it which then disappoints him further.
One friend said to just start doing it regularly and then you realise what you are missing and it kind of stimulates wanting it, but I feel like that's quite disingenuous. I just don't feel like it!
My orgasm kind of disappeared too so even when I have tried to masturbate in an attempt to feel sexy again it's actually just a frustrating process.
It's really affecting my marriage - any ideas? Therapy seems so expensive but I'll try anything if I thought it would work.
Does it just come back when kids are a bit older? Do you just have to lie back and get on with it for a while?
It's just makes me really sad/angry.

Are you taking any hormone based contraception? I had trouble with my libido and ability to get excited when taking the mini pill, so I wondered if this may be the case for you.

It's really hard when you're so tired, but there is something in your friends advice about getting down to it to see if it gets you back into it.

I also find it difficult if I'm not feeling particularly connected to my DP. Are you getting any opportunities to reconnect without the DCs? I don't mean the whole date night, going out, getting babysitters debacle (I'm usually too tired with 3 DCs to go through all that), but just some time allocated to chat, have a nice meal and glass of wine at home after the kids are in bed.

Breastfeeding or birth control or both? For me things didn't go back to normal till the youngest was off the boob and I wasn't using hormonal contraception...but it sounds like you have a lot on your plate.

Can you set aside one evening a week for a quickie? I agree with the more you do it, the more you want it, but obviously you shouldn't give in just because he's stroppy either. Hmmm, hard one!