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How do I get back into sex with DH and not masturbate??

5 replies

jenleben · 18/02/2017 14:07

Two years ago we had a normal/maybe slightly crappy sex life (late 40s, once a week, one in 3 times a climax type sex). Then DH got me a vibrator - yippe..... big O each time and maybe twice a week. Since then sex has gone down hill - maybe once every 6 weeks. That is what our joint sex life is - but I don't work and I have developed a daily habit of a morning wank every morning - yep every morning and watching some porn on-line. I know I'm not gay but I love to masturbate watching other women getting off. I feel really bad because my sexual fulfillment is now the best it has ever been - but DH only gets a feeble shag once every 6 weeks and he has commented. I have tried to use the vibrator in lovemaking but it is nothing like when I'm on my own. I have tried to give up my daily habit by getting up and dressed when DH goes to work - but by 11am I'm reaching for my battery powered friend and I have started to make myself cum even through my clothes - I feel like a sex mad wierdo who is putting her DH through frustration and I feel guilty about watching porn. How can I start liking real sex again??????

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wherearemymarbles · 18/02/2017 15:11

I guess put simply you are addicted to your vibrator and porn (in that they take preference to real sex)

Re porn, would it help if you realised the women are faking it (maybe like you did?) and that there is a reasonable chance they are straight?

Maybe show/instruct your husband how to use the vibrator with you or get another one which can be used alongside oral or penetration.

As you say, currently not really fair on him. Do you still fancy him? Have to ever really tried to tell him how you like things done?

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Happybunny19 · 18/02/2017 19:48

Can you find a way to enjoy your toy with your husband, rather than excluding him from your sex life?

I find using a vibrator desensitizes things quite a lot too, so would probably lay off the vibrations for a while during masturbation. Go back to basics, use your fingers and imagination, as vibrations and porn are becoming your habit and unless you use some willpower and give them up for a while you may find you've become so reliant on both you can't climax at all without them.

Have you discussed any of these issues with your DH? If you're only reaching climax occasionally with your DH have you tried showing him where you like to be touched or how you are better stimulated?

It does seem pretty unfair that you're getting off on your own every day, but then going so long between sessions with your OH. I'm all for a bit of self-love, but not at the expense of a good seeing to from DP. Is there any reason why you aren't able to bring yourself off in the morning and get jiggy with DP later that day too?

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GTS · 18/02/2017 19:56

Why don't you set your alarm a little earlier and have sex with DH before he leaves for work? That way you might not be so tempted by your little friend when 11am rolls around....

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AkimboLimbo · 19/02/2017 22:30

I think you need to talk to your DH and find a way of incorporating the vibrator into your sex life.
Could you watch the porn you enjoy together?

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NotTheFordType · 22/02/2017 12:49

Bless you, you've got I've-discovered-vibrators syndrome. When I got my first one I was at it twice a day for months!

So you're saying sex has gone down to every 6 weeks. Why? Is he still asking the same amount of times and you're turning him down (possibly because sex with him is crap compared to having a wank)? Or is it that you used to initiate and you now don't because you're not horny?

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