Sex with new partner

[Madammim1710]

I've been single since January last year, not long after I found out I was pregnant and my beautiful baby is just coming up to six months old. I've not had sex once in that time, for obvious reasons! I've recently started seeing someone, extremely early days and completely unexpected but he seems really lovely and, well, I would like to get back on the horse at some point! I have no intention of rushing anything but it's starting to weigh on my mind quite heavily. Before my pregnancy I had a very healthy sex drive and enjoyed sex, but the thought scares me a little bit now. It's one thing to have sex for the first time after giving birth with a long term partner, but sex for the first time with someone new in such circumstances just sounds terrifying!

I'm aware of the issues that can occur such as it being extremely painful, not feeling as good, being different to before etc and I just have no idea what to really expect or how to handle any of it. It's hard because I'm not an awkward person and have always been confident about sex and my body, but I just feel totally out of my depth and it's making me feel quite miserable for how nervous I feel

Like I said, early days, may never happen but any advice or encouragement would be greatly appreciated.

The only way this could work in your situation is if you are brutally honest and just tell him to expect anything and show understanding. Otherwise it may get awkward.

You might find it fine and all the same. I did, despite having an episiotomy.

Thank you for your replies! I don't mind being honest about it and would expect any guy I'm with to be considerate in such a situation regardless of my concerns, I think it's more just a general fear of it hurting, not being enjoyable for either of us and such. I have considered getting a vibrator but I'm not sure which one would be suitable; I had one when I was 19 (26 now) and it just always felt uncomfortable.

F1GI I had one too and it's healed nicely but I've always been a fairly 'tight' girl, for lack of a better way to describe it haha, so I'm quite honestly expecting it to be like losing my virginity all over again I think I'm building it up too much in my head but I'm afraid that the longer it goes on, the worse it'll be!

As long as you are relaxed it shouldn't hurt at all. I has stitches after both of my dc's and was a little scared afterwards but all was ok. I enjoy sex more now than I ever did ( after splitting with dh ). I can recommend plenty of 4 play before doing the deed, will help relax you and more lubricated. Having a small drink might also help . Try not to over think it and just let it happen when your ready.

Indeed, I think you are way overthinking this. In the end, it may turn out to be fine for your body, but not for your anxious mind if you continue this line of thinking. Tell him what the case with you is and then just go with the flow. Have some drinks to lose the anxiety and I am sure it will be just fine. If there is a problem, at least you will know what to look into. But I am sure all this overthinking isn't good for you right now :)

Well, maybe just really take your time to develop trust through talking honestly with each other and then the intimacy will be natural and not awkward. You don't need to do anything until you really want to and you can stop at any time if things become painful or uncomfortable.

Plenty of lube. Maybe get a smallish dildo and have a go before hand so you know what to expect and how much lube to use. (Don't rely on condoms having enough lube or you making enough naturally, lots of women don't and lube makes everything better.)

If you get in the bedroom with him and he flops out a monster cock, don't be afraid to say "Wow, there's no way I can handle that, this is gonna be oral only."

Agree with trying a vibrator, something like this www.simplypleasure.com/minx-silencer-8-inch-rippled-vibrator-pink.html and plenty of lube.

Thank you so much for your replies everybody, the advice is greatly appreciated. I've decided not to take it further with this guy (mainly down to just not having the time tbh!) but I think purchasing a vibrator may be a good step so I can work out how things feel and what to expect etc. I agree that I am overthinking things which obviously doesn't help at all; think I've just built it all up in my head too much!