I don't think I have ever had good sex...

[IronNeonClasp]

I am in the process of H and I splitting. I was talking to a friend today and realised that in all of my 22 years of having sex I haven't ever met someone I really 'clicked' with. I have the most amazing orgasms on my own.
I think I need to start again. But I have nowhere to start. I feel like I need sex education. A v sad admission at my age where I thought it would all be sorted! I seem to have a v high sex drive. It makes me feel insane.
Of late I have had sex with myself middle of the night and first thing in the morning for the last year. I just wish I was 'sharing' this vibe with a bloke! WTF is wrong with me?
Please don't tell me to get a vibrator. I just have no idea when you meet someone how you say "I like this" etc
Oh god I feel sorry for myself. Such a sad admission!

Hi OP, it's not a sad admission!

My theory (proven!) is that really good sex comes with chemistry with the right person. Add to that good communication within the relationship and similar fetishes (if applicable) or tastes and you can't go wrong.

I've been with someone who was my absolute best friend and a beautiful (head turning type) looking man too, but the chemistry wasn't right. Sex was fair to middling. Another long term partner, completely different, absolutely electric.

So, chemistry and communication.

Are you actually dating or got your eye on someone?

So where are you now ILove?

The second one thankfully!

Yes I have my 'eye' on someone - but he is non-committal. I think I 'imagine' how good it could be. Probably wouldn't be.

Just need to meet my sex guy 🙄

I've recently met a new chap and am having fabulous sex. I just started off by being very honest and telling him what I like. We try new stuff all the time. I was married for 25 years and single for 5 years, and feel sexually awakened. We do have lots of sexual chemistry. I am very very lucky to have this 2nd chance. That man is out there somewhere for you ☺

It's all about chemistry, the 'X' factor.

I once dated someone who was several years younger than me, he wasn't classically good looking, he was 19 and inexperienced but there was just 'something' and it was mind blowing. In 25 years I've never experienced anything like it again.

Thank you so much for the honest replies.

I just have no idea who, where et al.

No that's the thing. It'll happen when you meet the right person OP.

I honestly don't think it will.

I am so completely lost.

The spark is what you need... can you tell I've got one :)
After years of crap sex I feel alive.
Sexual chemistry counts for so much.

Very best of luck op, even if this doesn't last with me I know there's a better way than what I had, that's enough to know, my libido is actually alive, it was kidnapped by dp and has now been freed.
I'm approaching 40 and fully intend to live by the " life begins at 40 " mantra.

Communication will come easy with the right partner. It starts with an honest and open friendship.

I think the "X factor" is a massive sway when it comes to great sex. You just need to get out there

A few quick flings could be just the thing to help you feel alive again after years spent not being satisfied.

You do need to communicate though. I know it feels embarassing and cringey at first, because we're taught that as women we shouldn't be feeling lust, we're supposed to be laying back and thinking of England, and only nasty slags say things like "I love getting oral, please get your face down there."

It's one of those things that you have to just make yourself do it, and the more you do, the easier it gets. Look for men initially who are happy to talk about their sexual tastes outside of bed and listen for clues about whether their partner's needs are as important as their own.

There are a lot of men out there who enjoy casual sex/FWB relationships and who are very invested in giving their partner a good time. (Of course there are also a lot of selfish jerks, but not in a higher proportion than "regular" dating.)

Thanks for such helpful replies.

Communication is so important. I used to have real issues having an orgasm until I met my BF. I can tell him what I like but he actually listens and remembers! I always used to just do the motions and help them get to the end, but he never puts his own needs first (nor do I!) we try new things a lot too, nothing really out there but I will suggest or buy something and we try it then we talk about it afterwards

If someone is generally selfish in life IMO they will be selfish in bed too!

A woman can have 12 types of orgasm. Finding out and talking about how to achieve them is great fun.

Have you thought about trying tantra? I've done some workshops and it taught me a lot about what I liked and how my body worked. Check out this this woman, she's v good
diamondlighttantra.com