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Original poster

FWB - not sure how to interpret change in our relationship

21 replies

easypeel · 17/01/2017 10:12

I have been having sex with my FWB for nearly 2 years. He is sexually very commanding and dominant - which turns me on hugely. Initially, he would contact me about once a month with dirty texts/suggestions/fantasies and then we would meet and have amazing sex. He now contacts me far more frequently, but the suggestions and fantasies have stopped. The sex is still amazing, but I miss the other dirty stuff. He always leads, so I can't really ask him to start them up again. Is he less keen? If so why does he contact me more frequently?

OP posts:
TheNaze73 · 17/01/2017 10:57

Sounds too me as though his mind is wandering. Has he met someone else? That was my first thought? Sounds like in his eyes, it's run its course

Original poster
easypeel · 17/01/2017 11:13

Thanks for your reply! Think you are probably right. We met at the end of last week, and he has just asked to meet again today. I just don't understand why the contact is more frequent rather than less?

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Happybunny19 · 17/01/2017 13:03

I can't understand the previous comment about him seeing someone else if he's contact has increased. Does he act differently with you in person? Could he have developed romantic feelings for you? Is that something you want?

Markb123 · 17/01/2017 16:35

Yeah happybunny19 that was my thought when reading it, he wants something more, which is why it's got less "dirty", feelings developing I suspect.

(Of course you can have feelings and still get down and dirty nothing wrong with that)

Original poster
easypeel · 17/01/2017 17:38

Thanks again for your replies! Seems I have opposing opinions - and this exactly reflects what is going on in my head!

We had sex this afternoon. It was amazing. I told him about some porn I had been watching, and he said he has stopped watching porn as he is afraid he will become desensitised?? He definitely doesn't suffer in that department AT ALL But this is what we used to discuss, and what used to turn me on. He also said that he gets irritated easily by other people - so he can't really be bothered with starting a new relationship.

I want the filth back!! Not quite sure how to approach it...

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Markb123 · 18/01/2017 14:09

I know you said you're not sure how to approach it, but surely start off some dirty texting of your own, with you as the subject of the act if that's the way round you want it. A bit of "I need you to pull my hair while [insert whatever here]" will surely get him back into it - maybe because you don't instigate he worries you don't like it as much as him?

Happybunny19 · 18/01/2017 15:49

I don't think it should be difficult to discuss what you want in a direct manner when your relationship is purely sexual. Surely you discussed your requirements at the beginning of your agreement?

Original poster
easypeel · 18/01/2017 18:47

Thank you Markb, and for the bit of inspiration! The nature of our relationship is that he instigates and takes control - this is what I like so much. Perhaps I can instigate but in a submissive way or perhaps I know that the relationship has changed and he's not keen on dirty texts anymore.

And thanks Happybunny. Yes, discuss in a direct manner. Our relationships has evolved so we have more sex, but less fantasies. Maybe were were more open when we were fantasising more? Does this mean the relationship is nearing it's end... Trying to think of analogy - something that goes into a bit of overdrive before it suddenly stops dead.

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Happybunny19 · 18/01/2017 20:16

I guess if you don't want to explore a more committed relationship and the sex has become less exciting it may be time to call it a day and find someone new to give you what you want. Shame not to ask if he wants to go back to the dirtier stuff if he's such a good lay though.

Josuk · 22/01/2017 23:58

I think you are overanalysing and got yourself into a corner.
The man clearly wants more sex. So - from his point of view nothing is nearing the end.

You want more texting and fantasies. Go for it. Tell him it excites you and you want more. Many ways to do that without changing the dynamics. And he'll still dominate in bed.
He probably doesn't even realise that you are missing it. Men are very simple - more sex makes them happy and more content.

myknickersknackersknockers · 30/01/2017 22:19

I think he's possibly falling for you and is more interested in a relationship and sex than the fantasies but you'll never actually know unless you ask him.

Original poster
easypeel · 07/02/2017 18:51

Ok, I ended it. I feel shit though. I found out he had placed an ad online to have a threesome. He did that in the morning, and then messaged me later in the afternoon to have sex. Of course he can have a threesome if he wants. We are not committed. He didn't tell me he had placed the ad, and he didn't ask to involve me in the threesome.

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Original poster
easypeel · 07/02/2017 19:01

He doesn't know that I know. I've told him not to contact me again. Now I think I've over reacted.

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Josuk · 08/02/2017 18:53

Look - just decide if you want to continue to have amazing sex or not. Or if the fantasies in between are that important to you.

All relationships/arrangements evolve. But ending such great areangement when sex frequency increased is somewhat surprising.
(If it was the opposite - you were not getting it often enough, etc - then at least it would have been understandably)

And - why do you care about his threesomes? And if you want to participate - what stops you from mentioning it???!!!

Tilliii · 12/02/2017 12:46

Would you like a real relationship with him? Do you feel jealous that he wants a threesome and therefore wants more than you?

PaintingOwls · 12/02/2017 12:52

he said he has stopped watching porn as he is afraid he will become desensitised??

This is a very real problem, especially in men started watching porn when they were young. You have 20 year olds with ED because they started watching porn aged 13 and don't feel anything with a real life woman. So kudos to him for recognising this and addressing it before he is impotent.

You have talk to him, it doesn't matter that he usually takes the lead. You won't get answers otherwise but I suspect that you know this.

Original poster
easypeel · 13/02/2017 16:53

Thank you. Yes I'm jealous and I don't like sharing him, unless I'm there too. He's done nothing wrong, it's clearly me with the problem. I haven't heard from him since I sent the text. I want him to fuck who he wants and be happy. I'll just leave it. I'm not going to talk to him about it, I think our actions say it all really.

OP posts:
Ohyesiam · 13/02/2017 17:06

If it's what you want you need to tell him, it seems obvious. Am I missing something?

Not in the heat of the moment, but in general talk just say " the thing that turns me on most is when you....." . he might come up with a reason why he doesn't want to, but say that's a pity, because it's what you like best.

Original poster
easypeel · 13/02/2017 17:07

And the porn thing is bullshit. He loves porn, he just didn't want to talk about it with me and gave the 'desensitise' line as a reason.

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Original poster
easypeel · 13/02/2017 17:39

And I think the '2 year' thing here is key. He is bored and seeking new thrills. I satisfied him for a while, but he needs more. Hence the increased contact - until he finds something better.

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peppatax · 13/02/2017 17:44

I can see while you feel shit OP but onwards and upwards, get back on the horse, etc etc

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