All about me - could it cause a problem?

[wejammin]

Just for background, DH and I, together 15 years, married 5, both early 30s, 2 young DCs.

DH and I currently have a very satisfying sex life, I think the best it's ever been, and I'm very happy with it.

For Christmas this year one of our gifts to each other was that we both wrote down 3 things we wanted as part of our sexual relationship, then we put them in a box and the idea is we pull one note out as a lucky dip sometimes and then do the act.

So my 3 things were all things I wanted DH to do to me.

I hate surprises, so I confess I have had a look at the ones DH wrote. They are all things that DH wants me to do or things he wants to do to me.

None of the things are for me to do to him.

I'm probably way over thinking this, but it's making me a bit paranoid that there is an imbalance in our sexual relationship, although I can't really articulate it.

DH is the more adventurous partner and also a regular user of porn, if that makes a difference?

Would this worry you? In the back of my mind I'm wondering whether it makes me feel a bit objectified, but then if I'm enjoying it does it matter?

If they are things he enjoys and you don't feel demeaned by the actual acts then I don't really see what the problem is.

They are his fantasies, just as yours are yours.

I think you're overthinking it a bit - lovely that you want to make sure there's no imbalance but if it helps, my DH is way more turned on by turning me on than he is by just laying back and letting me do things for/to him. If he can reduce me to a squeaky, sticky, quivering mess then he enjoys the whole thing much more.

Just make sure you don't take it too far and accept things he wants to do that don't make you happy.

Thanks for replying!

None of the things are anything I have a problem with, although they will require a bit of confidence.

I think you're right mumonashoestring that he really enjoys making me excited, which is great, and he does it very well.

I think he must be more visual than me too, he wants to see me and see things, whereas I much prefer touch and would happily have my eyes closed for the majority of the time (not that DH isn't lovely looking, but i get distracted by things around me).

Do you mean staring at the cobwebs you've missed in the corners?

I did this with my ex a lot. 😂

A bit! I can be totally in the moment and then see something out of the corner of my eye like DS's school bag then think shit I've not signed his consent form, did I update his reading diary...and then it takes me ages to get back in the zone

Hard to tell withoutvknowing the specifics. If they are things that have an element of humiliation, subjugation etc then that would be concerning. If however they are things that, rightly or not, he thinks you'll get off on then you've just been lucky enough to find a partner that gets off on you getting off.

Ok I'm a bit but in the interests of getting considered responses -

My 3 were
A long session of oral
Him using my toys on me
Him tying me up

His 3 were
Him blindfolding me
Him watching me masturbate
Me wearing no underwear all day and texting him to tell him (which is a silly one for a luck dip because it requires significant forward planning)

Does that change your responses Herotherhalf?

I think you're worrying about nothing tbh. I was fearing something else given that you said he was a strong porn user and porn can paint a very unhealthy and often misogynistic picture about sex. Just enjoy the experimentation, see where it takes you and as long as you're never coerced to do anything you're uncomfortable with it's all good. If it is a little bit one sided in your favour I would see that as a positive unless he starts to hint that he's feeling hard done to.

Well as i see it
You can go out wearing a dress with no underwear, you come home, he ties you up, pulls your skirt over your head (ie blindfold) and the uses your toys...

2 things each in one session. Sounds like a winner to me

Thanks Herotherhalf. I am a chronic overthinker. Sometimes it really helps to share and be told you're reading too much into it, but I'm not sure I could share this with friends IRL.

whereare that sounds like a good day! The only problem is he doesn't know I know any of his 3 wishes!

Oh..... in which case I suspect he'd think all his Christmas's came at once

At least he's original. Most men would be:

1. Blow job
2. Blow job
3. Blow job

Well number 2 is about him watching you go to town on yourself, and him getting off on it.

So that's enjoyment for two.

Most men enjoy that. I've sent DP a few movies of me doing that in various places...dining table was a particular favourite.

He bloody loves watching. In fact once I smacked him in the face with my wand because he'd gone down for a closer look and I had my eyes closed. 😂

I think his requests are quite sweet. All sounds pretty normal to me.

Both number twos are a win-win in my book. Also a really good opportunity for you to teach him what you like. Don't be shy, communicate with him and tell him what's awesome and what's meh. I suspect you'll find it not only turns him on big time but will add to his repertoir of what he knows lights your candle.

I reserved judgement until I saw what your ideas were but those 'scenarios' seem amazingly compatible.

So....you want him to tie you up....and he wants to blindfold you.... (mmmmm both at the same time please!)

You want him to use toys on you....and he wants to watch you masturbate. (I'll start, you finish!)

He wants to think about you with no knickers on all day...and you want to come home to a looooooong oral session. (you see what I'm getting at!)

I think your requests are perfectly matched and completely unselfish on both sides. You both sound like you know what turns each other on and both love it.

In fact, I'm going to tell my DP in the morning that I'm not wearing any knickers

This all sounds very healthy to me

Stop worrying and enjoy

The only thing that worries me about masturbating in front of him is it takes me forever to orgasm on my own, about 15 minutes, without a vibrator, and I'd hate him to get bored! Also I'm quite, erm, rough with myself. I don't want to scare him!

X-post with AF, I need to stop bloody worrying!!!!

jammin I'm so rough with myself my DP often worries that he's going too soft! I have assured him that it's a complete different sensation when he does it. [grin

I'm sure your DP won't mind how rough you go or how long it takes.....in fact I'm 99% sure he'll take over before the 15 minute mark!

We'll use the vibrator as well op, then finish off by yourself?

Sounds great to me
Wish my sex life was as happy as yours! Hehe. Enjoy!