Sex tips

[ghosted]

Hi all,

A bit of a strange question.
Haven't had sex for a few years and I think it might happen soon (yeah!).

But I am worried that I don't know how to please a man any more.

I know I need to be spontaneous and just go with the flow but is there any no-no or something that you think would give him real pleasure?

As I said, it has been 8 years and I really don't think I remember how to do it (I am in my mid forties not a teenager).

Sorry for that, just panicking and as I said it might not happen but if it does I want to be ready and not clumsy.

Thanks!

Bit like riding a bike I would say, you never forget. Although you may be less confident as it's been a while but that's something you and your new partner could work on together. Could you tell him how you feel? He might be the same you never know! Good luck

He has had lots of partners recently. I don't want to appear naive, but also I don't want to be too forward and adventurous.

I think it is just sex as he works in the Middle East and wants children, while I am menopausal. However, I would also like a bit of romanticism, so no doing the deed and then running away.

We spoke about it and I told him that I don't have much experience, especially recent experience. I hope he doesn't expect a sex goddess.

I think of you're having sex with this man you should be able to discuss this properly with him.

Of you can't, why are you doing it?

Hopefully, when you are doing the deed, it will come back to you and you will be able to go with the flow - so to speak

Well he hasn't said anything, so I hope he is not expecting a sex goddess. The worry is all on my side, but I would like to have a good time with him.

Also, do you think it is bad if we just kiss/cuddle/touch without doing the full thing? We have been in contact for a year now and we have kissed but I don't want to sound too difficult.

I really don't know, I like him so much and I so would like there to be a future for us, but I am too old for all that.

Maybe I should just date older men who don't have expectations of having a family?

Children didn't happen in my previous relationship and now it is too late, nothing I can do about it.

Forget about dtd with this man op. You've said he wants a family, you can't and you really like him, stop before you get hurt. He wants fwb and you're looking for romance and a future so protect yourself from the enevitable.

Thanks I honestly just want to have a memory of him. I know I will be disappointed when he finishes it, but I want one night to remember. This is why I want the night to be unforgettable.

He is putting no pressure whatsoever on me, he just wants to see me when he is back in the UK (or this is what he says).

Then perhaps I will look for a partner for the future. And if that doesn't happen I am also happy alone

The first time you have sex with anyone is never that great as you don't know each others bodies. It takes time!

Just let him take the lead and do all the heavy lifting

Haveacup you are a genius, I will sit back and relax and just enjoy.

Date is set for 27th January. He chose a restaurant (I assume quite fancy). Dress or skirt? High heels? don't want him to think I am trying too hard to seduce, I also want to appear quite innocent (I am, in truth, despite my age).

Happy to buy something for the occasion. Maybe I should wear some colour rather than black?

Favourite brands budget wise are Zara, Next, can't afford luxury unless from eBay. Thanks

Zara do some lovely things (more fitting than next imo) wear something your comfortable in, if you feel uncomfortable you won't be able to relax. Google search where your going to eat and you can maybe get a vibe in what to wear (casual/smart casual/damn sexy ) and be yourself! Have a couple of small glasses of wine, then lie back and enjoy the ride as Pp said, it's like riding a bike! Jump on that horse & ride him cowgirl!!

I'm old school I would have Cavewoman wear a nice skirt/dress with heals and stockings.

I concur with Caveman. Although the golden rule would be to wear something you're fully comfortable with.

OP, everything5pounds.com is a fucking revelation. They have amazing dresses, skirts, jeans, etc for, yes, £5 each. Yeah the quality isn't that durable and you might have to chuck it after 4 washes, but for £5 just think of it as renting an outfit for a special occasion. Their sizing is on the tight side so if you are a 12-14 then order a 14, etc.

As far as the sex side of things is concerned, nothing is more sexy than enjoying yourself, and letting him know. Be vocal, ask for what you want (I know this is really scary if you're not used to it, but you might not ever see this guy again, so what the fuck, right?) Tell him - put your finger in my pussy/arse/mouth, lick my clit slowly/fast/gentle/firmly. Pinch my nipples, slap my arse, pull my hair, gently caress me, blow in my ear, fuck me hard/slow/gentle/quick.

And ask him what HE likes too! When you're sucking his cock, ask him if he likes the shaft licked, his balls licked (spoiler: he will), does he like you to wank the shaft as you suck him, does he like it if you try to get it all in, etc. If he's circumcised and you don't have any experience of that, ask him what works best.

The key to a great sex session is communication. Ask for what you want! Tell him what feels good! Enjoy!

Thanks for the website suggestion I will definitely have a look.

I am not sure I can be as vocal as you suggested. Let's say that I am more of the girl next door type than your sexual goddess.

But I will try to make him understand that I want it to happen. Maybe I can invite him home for a glass of wine. Surely he will take the hint? I think he expects it to happen but obviously I want to be super sure that it is the right thing to do.

Thanks again

I think sex is always nicer if the man lets himself go and if in the missionary position he just rests on you and dips in and out. If they try to put the weight on their hands or elbows it can be a lot more clumsy and less close.

Also a little bit of noise in nice, or to hum into his neck when you are kissing him (but it's all personal opinion I suppose).

The girl next door IS (or can be) a sexual goddess! We all can. It's all about throwing out the internalised fear of our own sexuality that's been foisted on us - the idea that if we express any enjoyment, or (god forbid) ask for what we want, then we must be some kind of horrible slag, because Nice Girls are supposed to just lie back and think of England.

It sounds like you expect this to be a one-time only experience (or a short fling) anyway - so what have you got to lose? Set yourself free!

I also meant to add, I didn't start having really good, enjoyable sex until I learned to ask for what I wanted, and to ask my partner what they wanted. Up until I met my husband I was incredibly inhibited and had some major, major hang-ups about appearing to be "fast" or "slutty". It was a learning curve for me, learning to be honest. Learning to say "I'm not comfortable with that" instead of just saying "Yes if you like dear" and then faking an orgasm.

When I think of the years I wasted having shit sex, I could cry!

Yes thanks a lot for this. To be honest, I am thinking of cancelling our date. Since we agreed on a date to meet up (with some flirting going on) he hasn't contacted me. We used to chat every day and now it is just once in a while. Now that he thinks he is going to get sex, he is not even making an effort.

I am sorry I deserve more than that. Maybe a should consider a divorced man/widower who is more grounded.

What do you think?

Thanks Autumnrose. I don't have many occasions to meet men and go with the flow. I am quite shy, not terribly bad looking, but I come across as stuck up for some reasons (friends have told me that). So we will see if this elusive man exists.

My ex partner was ok, we just never loved each other enough. I think at my age I should settle for a good man without the spark.

The spark only seems to happen with unsuitable men. We will see I guess.

Hi Ghosted, it's a two way street, it's ok for you to initiate the flirty text. You both deserve to be treated well and to be flirted with and sometimes it's ok for you to initiate the flirtation.