Sexually incompatible

[iamdivergent]

Married with 3 dcs (12, 8 & 6m).

Prior to children we had alot of sex. The only other times this amount of sex has happened is when ttc (obviously not bf and no contraception so possibly they are affecting). Aside from that I am not that bothered. I enjoy it at the time but I don't notice when it's been a while. I don't masturbate but he does - don't know if he knows I know as we have never discussed this.

DH asked me this morning what I thought was a reasonable amount of sex to be having in our situation. Straight away I said a couple of times a month to which he appeared flabbergasted. He is more of an every few days kids of man - in all honesty I don't see me ever getting to that level again.

It's apparent that this is becoming an issue and I don't know what to do about it. It seems easy to think/say just have more sex but the reality is that I'd be doing it because I felt I should not because I wanted to iykwim? And how unsexy is that.

He thinks that there is something fundamentally wrong with me/my sex drive whereas I honestly think we are not alone in this - we can't be surely?! I don't know what I can do to fix this but I feel if we don't then it could become a deal breaker for DH.

I'm bf and cosleeping and do think it will improve once I stop bf but no plans to atm.

Thoughts/tips/telling me I am not alone?

It's such a short amount of time the young baby phase, it's a shame some men can't see that. Things get so much better as they get older and you get your body back.

It's a shame some men seem to find it hard to see that.

I don't see this as sexual incompatibility more like a husband who can't see past his own needs.

That sounds harsh but I couldn't be doing with a man who can't put his own needs on the back burner for a bit just like you have had to. I bet if he was feeding he'd be a bit more understanding

You've got a very young baby. I think a lot of people wouldn't be having any sex at all at this stage.

Thank you both.

We have had sex 3 times since baby's birth. I was very apprehensive and waited until 12wks due to having alot of internal and external stitches which I'd never had before so obviously it was a scary thought. He was lovely during this time, didn't pressure etc but since we have had sex again that's when the issues have arisen.

He has always had a high sex drive and it is an issue for him. He just can't see my side which is frustrating.

I think you need a warts & all conversation OP & put all your cards on the table & explain how you feel. You can't argue a feeling & he's making you feel crap. He's feeling crap too however, despite the reasoning & this will end up in a massive break down if you don't bash heads on it. Good luck

Don't let this become an issue and try to make him see things from your perspective. I am sure everything will be fine again real soon, just needs some patience.

I think your child is so young you'll it exactly be back to normal - it will settle into whatever it settles into.
Fwiw - usualkynthe mire sex you have, the more you want - so perhaps the reverse if this is true too - I certainly find this from time to time. Tell your husband to consider you too

What was your frequency like in between your 8yo DC and starting TTC your youngest? If it was more frequent than every couple of weeks, then presumably your sex drive will eventually increase, once the tiredness has abated a bit.