To think I have 'failed' at sex!

[NewDay2016]

So, mid forties, (male - just for context), one DC. I remember when I learned facts of life at school at 11 thinking "that's something I don't have to worry about till 16".

16 came and went, as did 18, university, 20s.

Embarrassing. Almost like I was religious and waiting for marriage - except I wasn't.

Anyway, got married, and have been happily so for 10+ years - one DC.

So, I know the mechanics.

The thing is, I have no confidence, and this is waning as the reproductive years clock by. We tend to be a bit more pyjamas and bedsocks really. We have tended to focus on ttc - or more to the point panicking about it, but not really doing anything. Now it is a black cloud over the house.

Really don't know what to do - feels like I am not part of the successful crowd, so to speak.

A very good friend - not boastful at all - confided when this came up that they tend to DTD every day or so apart from "time of the month".

I'm happy for them - but this made me a bit sad - I don't even know when we last did it.

Not really sure why I am posting this really - have NC, obvs.

tct?? dtd ah do the deed! but ttc????

ttc: trying to conceive

Talk to your wife. Ignore your friend who may or may not actually do it daily. Talk to your wife and work out what you both want - more often, longer, different positions, accessories, outfits.

Hopefully you will find that you both want roughly the same thing and then you can get on with getting it on.

Definitely don't compare your frequency with your friends. Firstly he could be exaggerating and even if he isn't it has nothing to do with how often you and your partner should be having sex.

A conversation with your partner is probably a good idea.
Maybe try making each other climax without penetrative sex. Or masterbate infrintvof each other. Read some sex manuals together for some ideas (not actually sure what's on the market but there must be something).

Kiss for hours, then move on to touching, but don't even aim for penetration. Let it be "goalless" iyswim, s that takes the pressure off.
Let the desire build. Ask your wife what she want s

Definitely ignore your friend - it is irrelevant what other people are doing.
What do you and your wife want? That needs to be your starting point.
I agree that taking the focus off penetration and on to touch is one of the best things that you can do to improve your sex life.

Thanks for the comments everyone - onwards and upwards for 2017!

Hopefully you will find that you both want roughly the same thing. Or you may find that you both want the same thing roughly.

Are you giving in bed, op?