Is anyone else's husband really grumpy if they don't have sex for a while...

[Clarinsqueen]

I mean to the point that it completely changes their personality - withdrawn and grumpy with me and the kids....

He says it's a chemical/hormonal thing and he can't help it. Problem is I don't find the grumpiness attractive so it's a vicious circle...

There is a quote (I paraphrase) from Woody Allen film: (to therapist)

Q: How often do you have sex
H: Hardly ever - maybe three times a week
W: All the time - maybe three times a week.

BTW - (hoping this is not a TMI) As a man, I do find I need to ejaculate at least three times a week or it affects my mood. If we are not DTD for any reason, then I deal with it by myself.

So, the chemical/hormonal comment is fine - but that's not necessarily your problem to fix.

Ugh. I wonder if he's grumpy towards his boss when he's not had 'enough' sex or whether he saves that for the home so that you get the message?
He's a grown adult and he's not figured out that he can have a wank instead?
How would/does he feel about you reluctantly having sex with him so he's not unpleasant to you and your children?

This is why sex & money are the biggest causes of divorce.

He's behaving like a teenager. He's trying to guilt you in to 'letting' him have sex with you. Creep.
If he needs a wank, fair enough, but he can just shuffle off and do it.

Dependable how long 'a while' is. I'm female and it can affect my mood after a couple of weeks

Coerced sex is rape.

Unfortunately, yes. Wish it weren't that way.

I wonder how he coped when he was single? Did he go round being a cunt to his friends and family and colleagues or did he just have a wank and get on with things?

Depends how long 'a while is' really. I would get grumpy yes. And so would my DH.
For you DH It's probably not just the lack of physical sex tho, it's a general feeling of rejection which then causes resentment.

I love that Woody Allen quote.

I wouldn't want to have sex with a sulky Nora or Norman in this case, either!

I get grumpy and I'm a woman!

Really? You women take it out on your partners and kids when you don't have sex for a few days?

I think there's something very childish about being grumpy because you don't have sex, you can sort yourself out fgs!

He's getting grumpy so you learn to give in and have sex you don't want so he doesn't take it out on the kids. What a catch.

I'd say I'm in the minority we DTD twice a week on average so more than most of our friends! but I make sure I help out around the house as much as I can, because as I've said in previous posts that we don't live in the 1950's anymore!
I'd like more sex yea what man wouldn't, but these days with two DC under 5 life is just mental! And 2 times a week is more than enough so I just sort myself out the extra 1 or 2 I need a week! Yea sometimes I'd get miffed if we'd planned a night and it doesn't come off (no pun intended) but I wouldn't EVER dream of taking it out on the kids! They have nothing to do with your romantic life becides conception!

Tell him to get a grip (again not pun intended)! Maybe do more to help you round the house! Or just HELP HIMSELF a little more often to relieve the pressure!!!

You "help around the house"?

I think Daddy makes a good point - my main reason for not feeling like sex is the small number of hours between falling into bed and having to get up again for work the next morning. If my husband helped out more with cooking and cleaning, then I'd be able to go to bed earlier. (I've told him this countless times).

Yea losto I do, when DD was born 5 years ago we had a conversation about equal share, so once a week I clean the whole house (it's not a massive house), we share the cooking, I do dishes, Rubbish, and we bath and bed the kids together. Sharing the loads may sound corny but that's a marriage!

Therefore my wife has more energy = more intimacy, more time for sex, more time to just watch a film and be a couple as well as parents!

I think lots means that doing your fair share of housework in a house you live in is being a reasonable adult, not 'helping'

Helping implies it is not your responsibility, you are doing it to be kind to your wife so she has more energy. But it is half your house, your family and your domestic burden, so it is just as much your responsibility too. That's the point.

Not knocking you, just that if you believe in equality, language is important

Yep totally OP, know what you mean about the vicious cycle. He tends not to notice his mood getting worse though and I have to be pretty blunt (along the lines of 'yes I would love to have sex but with my nice husband not a grumpy thundercloud, go sort yourself out and probably I'll be more up for it when you're back to normal')...

Sorry CocoaX your right, that's not what I mean at all, it's exactly that it's not all on my wife, I didn't mean to come across sexist or demeaning at all. We do our fair share and that works for us! By doing this my wife has more energy! More so than if we lived in a house were she did everything! That was my point! Apologies

My DH has always shared the workload so I never felt that I was doing everything. That definitely helped our sex life as there was more energy and less resentment. There has never been the slightest hint of grumpiness when we have had periods of time with little or no sex. If he felt grumpy, he dealt with it himself (like a grown-up).

He's behaving like an abusive arsehole.

foreplayrst.com

This is a radio station set-up by a Sex and Relationship therapist. She seems balanced and fair and has a huge experience base to speak from.

I think you might find a bit of good perspective there if you don't mind the american accents ;)

Good luck and hope you get down to my post!!