How do u not hate your body after having kids?

[boysboysboys123]

I've had 2 kids in past 2 years & am struggling with body image. I'm the same size as I was before kids but my second kid especially took a toll on my body. I've have horrific boobs, a proper mum tum, stretch marks, a baggy fanny, piles that u can see from most angles, as well as bags/wrinkles/roots.
I hate myself & have lost all confidence. My partner is one of those well meaning but idiotic men who are too honest so has confirmed (inadvertently) most of the above. He now realised error of his ways & tries to be complementary but the damage is done.
I avoid sex like the plague & when we do have it I just lie there like a fish so he can't see me & I've lost my ability to orgasm.
I can't seem to put this into perspective-the horrific things happening in Syria/Yemen make me count my blessings daily but I still can't seem to get past my self-loathing.
Any tips anyone?

I did what I could to sort my body out (anusol cream was amazing, better than ointment and my pikes were gone in 10 days and they had been MASSIVE). And then I got to the point at the start of this year that I didn't care what anyone else thought. My body was a strong and powerful one that had grown two babies and given birth to them.

I will never have the face and body of a 20 year old again. Ever. But that's OK because I am a woman in my mid 30s and I look like a woman in her mid 30s. I have lines and wrinkles and so on, but that's normal.

I kept up running - with a running buggy and at evenings or weekends when my husband can look after the kids. It helped me mentally and it also helped me realise that my body is strong. My body is capable.

Sex... I just did it. I want to do it. I enjoy it. I'm shattered a lot but I know I enjoy it so I go along with it when my h initiates it. Now my second child sleeps more I instigate it too. I don't always orgasm but I do enjoy it.

It's hard to get used to a different looking body.

I've only one son and I'm left with zero boobage, just like empty bags now!, a belly covered in stretch marks in the middle third of it and a c section scar along the bottom. I'm the same weight now I was when I got pregnant but am a totally different shape. My waist is thicker but my top half of my body is thinner than it was. I can't quite get in old jeans as I think my hips and waist won't allow.

However I absolutely love my post baby body. It grew a 9lb baby who is happy and healthy and amazing. All my marks are caused by him and I'm so proud of what it did. I don't know why this has happened or if there's a magic recipe for this but I'm so much more confident now.

Embrace what you have - and know that not all those issues last forever! See it as empowering and not a negative.

Thanks. I've got a problem with stomach muscles so can't exercise til I sort that (& my non sleeping LO took away any motivation to sort it) but hopefully gonna find a sitter & gonna try & pay for private physio inJan. Then once that's sorted I can run/go to classes, while will make me feel better.
I scrub up ok with make up but It's more the nakedness/intimacy thing. To the outside world I can look ok (apart from my belly) but when it all comes off I just wanna cringe & die. Compounded by the fact my partner has noticed all these things.
Counselling is prob the answer but stat mat pay is no joke!

Oh absolutely everyone tells me I look great for a new mum but I also tell them clothes and big knickers are amazing things! Underneath I know I've had to tuck my belly in - though not as much as I did which is nice - and that I have a domed tummy.

I've just decided I don't care and this is me and I can change plenty but my stretch marks will always be there.

It's tough and unless you can afford surgery you need to embrace the changes, it is possible to feel better about how you look but it takes time, sounds like you have a plan which is great. I had 2 c-sections and my scar is awful I hate it, it sort of cuts my stomach in half I hate it!! I am quite slim and due to exercise have a toned stomach which looks great with knickers on as it covers the awful scar however naked I look like I have been butchered.

Everyone tells me I look great naked it's not so great my DH does not complain and since I embraced it our sex life improved. Good luck.

Hmm I think your dh hasn't helped at all to be honest! I'm sure he's an oil painting and hasn't changed at all since you met (and won't in the future)?

I was a size 8-10 before children and a size 16 now. My stomach is fucked, huge stretch marks, c section over hang the works etc. I really don't care at all to be honest. I had a very traumatic birth with my last child (lost 2.5 litres of blood and nearly died) so my battle scars are just that.

Yes in an ideal world who wouldn't want to wake up and look like Margot Robbie but then that wouldn't be my life. I think as time goes on you get a better sense of perspective about things - and having a supportive partner helps!

Despite what your DP said, I bet he still loves you to bits and still fancies you.
I agree with Gin, tidy up what you can so you start to feel better.
Buy yourself a sexy negligee that you can keep on during sex, it will cover your tummy and allow you to enjoy it without worrying about what you look like.
And try to let go. Sex does not require body perfection - it requires 2 people having a good time.

I was v lucky in that I went back to normal weight, back into normal clothes etc after both kids - but my body is massively changed now. My hips are wider, I have a little loose pot belly bit at the bottom of my belly, my boobs are stretched and ruined! But it wasnt plain sailing for us (5 pregnancies, 2 babies) and I am just so utterly, eternally grateful to have my 2 healthy, lovely children. I'd take the stretch marks a million times over to have them. I might not look like I did when I was 21, but my body has done some awesome, amazing stuff, and for me that outweighs any negativity I might feel about the way it looks. And to be fair, even if I had no kids i wouldn't have my 21-yo body - things inevitably go south at some point!
I agree with whoever said that you just have to try and let it go. Your DH sounds a bit tactless tbh. You might not look the same, but I'm sure he doesn't either! My DH is a lot greyer and older than when we first got together - I still love and fancy him just as much, and I hope he feels the same. I always tell him he has to still love me, since it's his fault I look like I do now forget about how you look and focus on having fun with your OH. None of us stay young and beautiful forever, but the emotional bond is still there and much more important.

It's all in your mind and you can choice to be happy with the skin you're in, or not.

My wife has had 6 children, is in her fifties and the skin she is in is as you would expect. I couldn't care less. She is still the sexiest woman in my eyes and the only person I have any interest in being intimate with. She may see stretch marks or whatever but I just see reminders of her bringing our beautiful children and step-children into our world.

Here's another random thought. I'm at that stage in life where funerals are more common than weddings. It makes me pause for thought as to what people really value in other human beings. I've heard the departed described by mourners as being kind, loving, honest, intelligent, funny, courageous, supportive etc and sometimes less flattering comments about the type of person they are. I've never heard anyone make reference to the deceased's stretchmarks, boobage, piles or any other such trivial things.

Who you are comes from inside and that determines far more how much people value and love you than what's on the outside.

HerOtherHalf is right. It is to do with your own attitude to how your body has changed. It is not possible to bring new life into the world without some changes. Take no notice of the ones who seem to have got back to how they were in a flash - they are very much the exception to the rule! Just love yourself as you are - a Mum!

I've had 2 babies in a very short space of time too, and while I'm a bit miffed about how my body has changed and will never be the same, I wouldn't say I actively hate it.
I've gone from a G cup when pregnant and breastfeeding to a barely-there B cup....my DH even jokingly calls me boy tits (I had boy tits when we met, so it's not like he's not used to me having teeny norks!).
I have a few stretch marks on my tummy, and my hips are forever wider than they ever were. I'm not as comfortable naked as I was before kids, but I just tell myself that I've put my body through hell in order to have my babies so I should appreciate it, and so should my DH!

I appreciated my body more. I looked at dd's body and she looked like a mini me. And she looked beautiful.

Your DH sounds like he's put his foot in it, but I agree with some of the other comments I bet he loves and fancies you, but he talks about the obvious things he can see with little to no tact!
My wife had piles, small stretch marks, her breasts are smaller than before and she describes them as completely empty! But I couldn't care less their battle scars just as FAIRYLEA says! I want to be intimate with her all the time. And trust me I try to all the time!

One thing I will say is what mums have to go through from conception to birth is one of the toughest things I have ever witnessed, and my feelings for my wife heightened to new levels which I didn't think possible when she gave birth to our DD.

So guess what I'm saying OP don't panic about what your husband thinks of you, concentrate on finding ways to be intimate with each other and work past the body issues.

Clankboing that's so lovely. Made me well up a bit. My DD is built just like me, and to me she is the most beautiful girl in the world ❤️

One thing I will say is what mums have to go through from conception to birth is one of the toughest things I have ever witnessed, and my feelings for my wife heightened to new levels which I didn't think possible when she gave birth to our DD.

Seconded. I suspect if us men had to do the childbearing, we'd probably be wanting a general anesthetic from the point of conception right through to them leaving school.

I had one child but then years of depression and getting very fat. I don't hate my body, I'm sorry for it.

Have your feelings about your body only stemmed from childbirth, or were you perfectly happy before to let your partner see all of you, walk around the house starkers,,etc.

I'm pretty pleased with my body to be honest, 2 kids in 18 months and I'm actually smaller than I was before i had the first thanks to an intensive boot camp which was actually more fun than it sounds! DH tells me I'm beautiful everyday and I believe him

You know the lack of sleep really gets to you, maybe if you could sort that you would feel better.

I would also have a word with your sh about how he's made you feel

I am totally with you. I have 4 DC and I loathe myself now. If I want to be intimate with dh I have to be totally prepared. I have a prolapse and piles. I am naturally very hairy. I am peri menopausal I think as I have started to smell more, I get bad skin and have started to get facial hair. In short I am revolting. I can't embrace it and they are things that are not easily fixed so I feel stuck in a rut.

So sorry you feel this way, OP. I would definitely get some counselling as it sounds quite extreme if you're not able to orgasm (I'd bang down the door to get that one sorted )

Your body has performed a miracle twice- you should be in awe of it! How long ago did you give birth? Remember it takes 2 years for your body to fully recover. Also remember that most women have had a baby, so you are far from alone with the tummy, etc. It's more like you've joined the club!

Go easy on yourself, your body has done some amazing things.
After four pregnancies, two going full term, and a year breast feeding after each one I felt like a wreck. It definitely took me a couple of years to recover enough to start doing exercise and sort my diet out. But now my younger child is 3.5 and I am fitter than I've ever been, I dieted and took up running and pilates and I feel strong and mentally so much better. The key thing was insisting on the free time to dedicate to getting fit, dh was very supportive and we built it in to our weekly routine.