Totally lost the urge

[sazzle82G]

I know this might be a common thread but I'm stuck. I love my husband so much. He looks after me and he has a body most women would leap into bed for. Yet I'm just not interested. I made a decision a couple of months ago that I was just going to do it as much as possible as the lack of sex was really getting him down. Now he's just noticing that I don't seem bothered when we have sex. Really I'm just lying there wanting it to be over. I've never had the biggest sex drive but not as bad as this. I though i was getting better after our DS turned one and went into his own bed. I'm ready for another baby now but i just wish I could enjoying the making of one better.
Any advice please?

Are you in the pill? That killed my libido a few years ago.

My wife and I have been through a similar situation due to the menopause pretty much tanking her libido. It was a problem for her because she wanted to want to but just didn't and she felt like a part of her self had been removed. It was a problem for me initially because, not so much on the physical side of no sex, I was missing the intimacy and struggled to come to terms with the fact that it was nothing to do with her not loving me or not finding me attractive anymore.

It can test a relationship but communication and mutual understanding are essential. He needs to understand that you can't just flick a switch and he really needs to consider whether he is the sort of shallow person that wants you to just lie back and think of England. That to me is not what a loving relationship is about and is probably and very good way to kill it stone dead as you will (rightly so) start to really resent him. Maybe try and get him to understand that your most sensitive erogenous zone is in your skull, not your pants.

With love, understanding and respect you will both get through this but he needs to accept how you feel at the moment.

No I'm not on the pill. I went back on it briefly after having my DS but stopped after a few months because I was worried it was part of the problem. That was over a year ago now.

I'm wondering get if it's the kind of thing you could go to a doctor about.

Buy a vibrator. See if you can get yourself interested. You might find a spark when there is no pressure to perform. Once you get back 'in the saddle' so to speak you might be able to build on it.

Although when my kids were little was when my libedo was at it's lowest.

I really hope that you get some good advice here sazzie- and if it works then please share as it's a major cause of relationship unhappiness. I think it's so positive that you've been willing to pay here and address low libido. Although he may not be feeling it right now, your DH is a lucky guy!
You absolutely should check in with the GP too. While it's not the most likely cause it's worth ruling out any underlying health issue.
Also, I wonder whether you have any feelings of desire and that things just feel a little stale with DH - or whether you feel unsexual full stop? I ask because it could point to relationship issues that you're not confronting- or alternatively that you may not be giving enough attention to yourself. Sometimes we hide from our feelings, neglecting our needs or feeling guilty or selfish for having them
But of course as I'm a man I'm not able to offer much advice. But good luck - you are fully awesome for wanting to change things!