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Original poster

He can't come... Help please!

23 replies

AnyoneSeenIt · 12/11/2016 12:48

Hi
I'm seeing a lovely guy. It's been a slow starter, but we really like each other very much, get on so well, and I think this relationship has legs...
The problem is this. We have lovely times when we are intimate, but he can't finish. He never has, not once in the quite a few times since we've been together. It doesn't happen for him when he's alone either.
He was on meds for depression when we first started seeing each other, and he told me about this before we ever went to bed as he didn't want me to think it was anything to do with me. He stressed this quite a lot.
Since the summer though, (in conjunction with his doctor) he's tapered off the meds and isn't taking them any more now.
He still can't come. I think it's a kind of mental block thing happening now, and I don't know how to help him, or what best to do.
We talked about it a bit last night and he was upset, and worried that I was upset. I am, but for him more than me. He always ensures I enjoy myself with him so that's not an issue.
He's young, (33) and he shouldn't be having these problems. He doesn't have a porn habit (if anything he's more into erotica)
He IS going to speak to his doctor about it but,.....
I don't know what to do. Grateful for any advice...!

OP posts:

TheNaze73 · 12/11/2016 14:41

Have you tried finishing off orally, whilst simultaneously massaging his prostrate?

SnoogyWoo · 12/11/2016 14:46

It's nerves.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 12/11/2016 14:50

Have you tried finishing him off manually or orally?

louthemac · 12/11/2016 14:56

My DH takes antidepressants and he has this problem. He does get there in the end about half the time but it's hard work and we can't always be bothered.
He needs to see his Gp if he is still having this problem when off the meds as believe me it gets more frustrating as time goes on ! Plus if he ever wanted a child he would need to get it resolved.

Original poster

AnyoneSeenIt · 12/11/2016 15:09

Thanks for replies!

I've tried everything to finish him off!
We got very close last time, I thought it was going to happen, but no. I think he thought it was going to too, but...

This was after the conversation. He said he felt closer than he had.

I just reassured him it would happen in its own time and not to worry about it.

It's pretty frustrating and must be really really frustrating for him! Sorry about TMI but there was some pre-cum this time, which I hadn't even noticed before...
Should I just be patient? (happy to be!)
Or maybe do a more stop-and-start thing so there's not pressure on him to "get there"?
I've not experienced this kind of problem before.

OP posts:

GoodGirlsGuide · 12/11/2016 20:21

Have you considered suggesting hypnotherapy to your lovely guy..? It may be that getting in touch with his unconscious mind might release/reset something - it sounds like he maybe has a mental block. Do you think he might consider something like that?

I think your suggestion of 'no-pressure-to-come' is a great one. Could you be intimate with the idea that he is __not to come; that may reduce any internal pressure he is putting on himself.

GoodGirlsGuide · 12/11/2016 20:22

Sorry the 'not' was supposed to be underlined...

LoveShak · 13/11/2016 14:12

Am experiencing the same issue here but it appears to be totally linked to ADs. Sorry to hear this is continuing even after stopping the ADs, I think a trip to the GP is in order.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 13/11/2016 14:14

Can he finish himself off?

ipswichwitch · 13/11/2016 14:21

I know certain antidepressants have this side effect, and that it can take some time for it to disappear after stopping them. He should go back to the GP and discuss it with them, but in the meantime try to keep things as relaxed and unpressured as possible. It could be that he's so aware of the problem that he's placing pressure on himself, especially now he's off the meds and should now be "back to normal" so to speak.

Original poster

AnyoneSeenIt · 13/11/2016 16:05

Thanks again for replies. I think he was pretty upset as he thought things would go back to normal quickly but I'm wondering if it doesn't take time for neural pathways to re-establish themselves.
I do know what he's going through by personal experience with anti-d's.
Thanks for replies - and I'm happy to be patient for as long as it takes. I just want for him to have as good a time as he gives me....
I think he is putting pressure on himself for sure

OP posts:

Original poster

AnyoneSeenIt · 13/11/2016 16:07

Not currently Dame

I hope things improve for him. I know he really enjoys our being together though!

OP posts:

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 13/11/2016 16:09

Oh right,I was going to suggest for the time being he finishes just to get over the initial 'hurdle' so to speak. I think a reassuring chat with the GP might be in order.

LoveShak · 13/11/2016 16:57

My DH can't come at all, even through masturbation. He ran out of ADs last month as forgot to get repeat prescription and we actually had sex, I almost cried with pleasure. I didn't ask him until the following morning where his ADs were, I knew straight away that he couldn't have taken them.

travellinglighter · 13/11/2016 17:49

I was told by a friend many years ago that Prozac style drugs inhibit orgasm. Maybe that’s the issue??

If he’s right for you then it’s worth persisting.

AkimboLimbo · 13/11/2016 23:26

Is he enjoying sex? (I'm guessing he is)
If he is, I would suggest taking the pressure off and stop trying so hard - just enjoy each other. Hopefully it will happen in time.

Original poster

AnyoneSeenIt · 14/11/2016 07:41

I hope so akimbo

I'm sticking with him. He's wonderful.

OP posts:

MoonlightMedicine · 14/11/2016 07:46

It'll be the AD's. SSRI's are terrible for it and the effects can take months (or years) to wear off.

Original poster

AnyoneSeenIt · 14/11/2016 09:55

I'm wondering if the meds don't disturb neural pathways and they have to rebuild themselves.

I suppose its all about looking at the positives. He doesn't need to take them at the moment which is great. And I'm sure things will right themselves in time.

OP posts:

Wonkydonkey44 · 14/11/2016 18:42

When I was on anti depressants didn't matter what I did I couldn't come . Went to the doctor and changed them and things did reverse thank goodness !

WhyIsThereHariboInMyWine · 15/11/2016 14:54

You seem to be trying an awful lot, that's probably putting more pressure on him. Stop trying and just enjoy yourself instead, it will happen when it happens and it will likely happen quicker if he thinks he's pleasing you.

My vote is for just be patient. In the mean time take the lead, try things out that you enjoy. Take the pressure of him and make the focus you instead. It can be such a massive turn on to please someone else that it may take his mind off it so it's a win-win.

FrostNixon · 31/12/2016 15:50

There can be a lot going on in the mind during sex, a lot of pressure and it can be easy to lose the moment.

He may not find it any easier to come being sucked off. How are things with a firm grip?

Might be good to discover what really turns him and on then act in the same way. Fantasy becoming reality can help things we found.

Blu99 · 03/04/2017 21:56

Google Lingam massage

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