More sex please

[martinisandcake]

So I have a new partner of 18 months, the first year the sex was amazing and usually 2/3 times a day on the 3/4 days a week we saw each other.

He moved in and it has petered out to 2/3 times a week, problem is I'm so Horny all the time, mostly I think it's hormonal, but perhaps 3 of four weeks I can't get enough. Taking care of things myself isn't satisfying enough, but when we have spoken about it he doesn't see our current amount as an issue, of course then I start feeling insecure and due to past issues I struggle to initiate. So spend all day grumpy and frustrated.

Im trying hard not to make it a big deal as I don't want him to feel obliged to have more sex I just want things to continue as they were in the early days. I know this is unrealistic but I'm not sure what to do about it.

I was married and with my previous partner 12 years, he and I rarely had sex and he was at times quite EA and after drinking would make remarks about me not being attractive enough etc etc which has affected my confidence.

Has anyone else been in this situation, maybe it's just mismatched libido, I just need some ideas of how to manage this without keep making an isssue out of it since that's seeing to be a bit of a passion killer

Guess it's just me

In the same boat here! DP isn't at all interested in sex and it's gone from 1/2 a week now to 0. I'm frustrated and he won't even talk about it I know it's no help to you, but just wanted you to know your not alone!

Thanks I appreciate it, it make me grumpy and then I end up with what feels like pity sex

You think it's hormonal?. Maybe you just got used to having sex all the time and you've become addicted. We don't need sex to survive. I'm sure you and your partner can do some non sex intimate things that are just as fulfilling as sex.

We have plenty of contact and affection,

Isn't this the case with most relationships? Prior to living together you take any & every opportunity to have sex, when you move in together it's sort of on tap if you like so it levels out.
I don't think you're sex starved at 2/3 times a week tbh, I do think the being grumpy about not getting it is unacceptable though-I'd find that a huge turn off.

I'm in the same boat. This morning i cried because once again my attempts to seduce fell flat. He just laid in bed playing on his phone. Being rejected all the time has given my confidence a battering do idon't feel like ican come on to him very convincingly. I feel ugly and i know it's silly.

We have had SO MANY chats about it i am honestly bemused.

I don't have any advice OP just lots of sympathy.

You have my full sympathy OP. Mismatched sex drives are the undoing of a lot of relationships

Isn't it just normal? At it like rabbits to start with and then settling down to a steadier level? It might be a bit of a mismatch if you want more, but it's still 2/3 times a week, hardly a drought. I'd say that's really not that bad going...(but that may well say more about my situation)

I think it just depends on the individuals

I've been with my husband 17 years - we have two children (6&4) and still have sex most days. He's been away recently and got back on Saturday lunch time - since then we've had sex 7 times, and will again once we get to bed later. It's a big part of our relationship.

I don't understand why people don't want it all the time? Maybe I'm in a minority?

It's not because some people want it all the time that everyone does.
The average couple has sex about 2 or 3 times a week so the OP's partner isn't wrong when he is saying that's quite 'normal' or average.

Have you asked him OP and told him you are horny all the time and want sex with him more often? Did you ask him why he doesn't seem as keen now than he was before?
Be careful though about not putting ideas in his mind that are t his, e.g. Saying that you are unattractive and doesn't fancy you if he doesnt want se as often. More often than not not wanting sex is about him not about you iyswim.

Btw, if you know that it is unrealistic to carry on having sex 2/3 a day everyday, and you don't want to force him to have sex if he doesn't want to, what do you think you can do about it?

You are right. Forcing to have sex with him (by making him feel guilty, pressurised etc..) is the wrong thing to do. It is also a sure way to destroy what seems to be a really nice relationship.

Thanks everyone,
I don't think there's any really right solution, I certainly don't want to create stress around this, it's supposed to be fun

Anyway, maybe I will just need to be taking more exercise and burn of my excess energy like that instead.

The rest of our relationship is so amazing and we are both so happy, and I feel so loved in other ways that I guess it's just how it is.