Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Sex

You need to have been registered for 7 days to post in the Sex forum. Please don’t send unwanted PMs to other users.

Flip

Original poster

Any dommes/doms here...

23 replies

casualbikeride · 19/10/2016 18:10

My bloody sub has gone on holiday without his collar. I'm absolutely fuming. To anyone else it's a normal piece of jewellery a man would wear.

Also, he doesn't actually know where it is right now.

Wwyd???

OP posts:

BackToTheCaveman · 19/10/2016 19:41

Personally I have never been into the "collar" thing. Which is weird because part of our kink is I have a great deal of control over what CaveWoman wears (except at work and even then I have some input)..

Perhaps he wants punishing

Original poster

casualbikeride · 19/10/2016 20:08

i think for us it means a lot because we're not together overly often. It was his idea as well. I think he does want punishing!

I'm just really annoyed, it makes me question if I can actually trust him...

OP posts:

ImperialBlether · 19/10/2016 20:14

Is he married to someone else, OP?

Goldensolait · 19/10/2016 20:22

Hmm would annoy me more he doesn't know where it is tbh, doesn't seem to mean that much to him.

I say that as someone who switches more to the d side and doesn't 'do' collars bar play ones anymore but I still have my day collar from my sub days. Know exactly where it is and still makes me smile as it has so many memories and emotions attached.

Original poster

casualbikeride · 19/10/2016 20:23

No. we have a casual thing going and there defo isn't anyone else.

OP posts:

Original poster

casualbikeride · 19/10/2016 20:26

Golden - That has really annoyed me. It was something that we both agreed would be a subtle constant reminder. He was very very for it. He only told me today that he thinks it's somewhere. If it's where he thinks it is then he didn't even have it in before he went. It's really upset me which has shocked me.

OP posts:

Goldensolait · 19/10/2016 20:36

I get it, it's kind of akin to taking your wedding band off for going on holiday only subtler but same sort of emotions would have been attached for me.

I think you both need a good talk about this. There's bratty behaviour and then there's complete disregard of someone else's feelings and what has been previously agreed upon. Is it a line for you?

Original poster

casualbikeride · 19/10/2016 20:42

That's exactly what it's like. I know he would have worn it on holiday if he had it. It's the fact he didn't tell me that he'd left it somewhere. I had to get it out of him. If he does it again that will be it. He has apologised profusely but the trust has gone a bit 😞 It's the first time I've ventured into the domme world! Its not easy!!

OP posts:

BackToTheCaveman · 19/10/2016 20:50

I agree with pp^^ forgetting it could be accidental. Not even knowing where it is, is apathy, for what it represents.

Blue2014 · 19/10/2016 20:51

As a disclaimer I'm not a dom etc but it sounds like you may have more feelings for him than you realise?

Original poster

casualbikeride · 19/10/2016 20:57

Possibly blue, there is some background there... I think I've distanced myself from that side though. If this ended tomorrow I wouldn't be massively upset. It's hard work planning etc!!!

I'm going to get it back and think about it. I can't let him know how pissed off I am while he's away.

OP posts:

Goldensolait · 19/10/2016 21:38

See I would be asking when he got back why was it taken off, is there a good reason and why for definite did he not know where it was? I'm thinking a necklace or bracelet or something but not sure if your post that said 'didn't have it in' was an autocorrect for on or in as in maybe a piercing that could have possibly taken out for cleaning or whatever?

Despite the fact what it is, it's what it represents and wasn't he honest about it. Trust and communiction are key with D/s relationships so I think you do need to have a good think about all. It doesn't sound as if he's as into it as previously thought or on the same page. I would never have dreamt of taking my necklace off or if the same situation happened admitted it immediately but I do like to give people the benefit of the doubt. Once and only once.

Domme world is not easy to navigate at all

Original poster

casualbikeride · 19/10/2016 21:46

It should have said on! This is the one and only chance he has. If he does this again that's it for me.

It really isn't, it's hard work!!

OP posts:

Boogers · 19/10/2016 21:51

When you said 'in' I wondered what kind of collar it was!

Original poster

casualbikeride · 19/10/2016 21:57

Ha ha!! Sorry, my iPad seems to like guessing words!!!

OP posts:

lollylou2876 · 21/10/2016 10:19

I think you should let him know, that you are severely dissapointed in slaves' behaviour, not that you expect much from a lowly slave anyway, but to forget the collar & not know where it is, is an utter insult to mistresses' authority. You are now left pondering a range of fitting punishments & slaves worthiness and dedication

SomeonesRealName · 21/10/2016 23:15

Perhaps you shouldn't collar in such a casual relationship; the situation seems quite confused. Are you sure you're on the same page in terms of your expectations?

Original poster

casualbikeride · 22/10/2016 18:22

Thats a good point. Its casual in the sense that we dont see each other much and no one knows about it. He really wants the collar, its important to him. I wasnt so fussed to start with.

Things have changed since the 'losing' issue. I'll see what happens when he gets back...

OP posts:

SomeonesRealName · 23/10/2016 00:12

It strikes me as a pretty big thing to capitulate on because a sub wants it. Let's face it, a domme doesn't just hand out the right to wear her collar to just anyone and feeling "not so fussed" isn't how you should have been feeling. Now, understandably, he's disappointing you by not meeting expectations around wearing it - but I suggest some of your misgivings stem from annoyance at yourself for going along with it all in the first place. Are you in charge, or is he? If you are, I suggest you simply express some disappointment, observe that you knew best after all, what a surprise - and tell him he can wear your collar as and when you say he's ready and in the meantime he's not to ask for or mention it again.

Blueskyrain · 24/10/2016 15:40

The way I see it, no punishments on his return, but he will have to live with your disappointment in him, which is far worse, and not something he will get the same enjoyment from.

Blueskyrain · 24/10/2016 15:40

Withholding the right to wear it for a while might be fitting.

Original poster

casualbikeride · 25/10/2016 06:45

At the start I didn't fully understand the concept of being collared. Now, I get it. I haven't punished him but he does know how disappointed I am in him. I don't think he'll do it again...

OP posts:

SomeonesRealName · 25/10/2016 16:08

Collared can mean different things to different people the main thing is that you and your sub are on the same page in terms of what you mean by it.

Are you on Fetlife and are you able to get involved with the local scene - as it may prove supportive to you and your blossoming relationship. Rest assured you are punishing him - very much I should expect both by expressing your disappointment and it manifesting itself in your behaviour towards him. Asking him to keep a journal for you to read might be beneficial.

Flip

This topic prevents users from posting on it until they have been members for at least 7 days.

Swipe left for the next trending thread