Didn't finish

[newsparklylife]

Slept with new guy for the first time last night and it was great for me but am sure he didn't finish am then sure he muttered something about that happening to him sometimes.

Totally new to me this one and not sure what I should do / say (if anything). Staying over on Saturday so will see what happens when but I want it good for him too!

This is first relationship since sexless marriage breakup so it's all a bit new to me.

Nerves, pure and simple plus getting used to a new partner.

Our first few months were a bit hit and miss. Tiredness, nervousness and stress! Been married 15 years now and the sex is fucking awesome!

Sounds fairly normal to me. Don't make a big thing out of it. Just have fun and help him to relax.

Thank you! Didn't make a thing about it at all we just had a cuddle and went to sleep but thought I'd mention on here for your wonderful advice

Thank you!

If it happens again just talk it through with him. If we feel a relationship is intimate enough to exchange, or attempt to exchange, bodily fluids surely we can discuss it without feeling shy or awkward?

HerOtherHalf absolutely agree, just being the first time it was nerve wracking enough anyway without trying to discuss an issue. I will in future if happens again but though would ask advice/opinions on here

Was he wearing a condom? It takes me ages to get there, if at all, with one on.

No he wasn't - probably should have been but that is another story altogether

Hi OP, my DH has this sometimes so I'd be interested to see any more replies. It's happened on and off for him over the years (currently happening fairly frequently). It's as if he has to concentrate really hard to come! I never make a big deal of it of course although it is really frustrating for both of us (feels as if we end up carrying on for ages with no end in sight!). It's much worse if I'm particularly wet for any reason. I wish I could find a way to solve it.

May not be a recurring problem with your man though, perhaps it's just first time nerves.

Never mind that, wtf did you not use a condom ? !

Hi my dh has this issue at times. Usually stress, tiredness or alcohol causes it

YY to the condom actually!!

Play, now that you've said that those make sense as making things worse. He can reduce / eliminate alcohol but life with work and young children is often stressful (maybe not in grand scheme of things but day-to-day) and always tiring! Does anything help or is it a case of not being stressed / tired / drunk?

That was us first time too. About a million followed though!

Not finishing does not always = bad sex. Sometimes a man can have a great time and not finish. Likewise how it is possible for a man to finish having a mediocre time. Great sex is not simply about ejaculation.

So there could be many physical, environmental and/or psychological factors at play. But these don't mean he had a bad time. It is perfectly possible to have a lovely hot sexy time together without finishing. He may a have loved the whole experience. Don't measure sex by the amount of times he finishes, measure it by the way he talks and acts durring and after.

Did you feel good chemistry durring the act?

Pretty much all that can be done is eliminate the causes. Which for us is a nightmare as we are having fertility issues which are stressing dh out which then causes more issues which stresses him out...you can see what kind of loop we are stuck in!

That does sound like a stressful loop
:(. I feel as if I have failed if he doesn't come which I know is unhelpful (I never of course express it to him) - you hear so much about premature ejaculation but not much about the opposite.

Could you get him to finish another way?

Generally normal as the odd 'one off' here or there. If it happens consistently (like +3 times in a row) then I'd worry, but IME it's nothing to worry about, particularly if it's a first time; nerves and self-awareness will have played a part. Plus if you'd been on a date and there'd been any booze, that won't have helped!

On the odd occasions it happens with DP and me (which is usually either when we're knackered or have got too tipsy) he generally makes sure I'm sorted out and then we give it another go in the morning

Talking last night and he actually brought this up himself, said happens to him and is relatively normal but he does enjoy sex. I think there are issues there just by other stuff said in the conversation and I will be totally honest im not sure I want to get into having to deal with issues so early on. We will see!!

It's about having fun. So no need for going into issues at this point in time. As I said before its quiet possible for a man to really enjoy sex without finishing. As long as you enjoyed it too then keep doing it and forget about it. As long as you both enjoy its no big deal. Your worrying about it is what's more likely to spoil the experience.

I find that if he doesn't come we just end up carrying on for ages, enjoyment rapidly vanishing, then I can see he is trying really hard to finish and I end up saying let's just leave it. Then the next time we try we are already both stressed about it happening again. I try to make it no big deal but it doesn't seem to feel that way.