Twisted views of sex?

[thedemonwithout]

I've name changed but been a poster since 2011.

I have a very irrational view of sex.

I am not really interested in having sex with someone as such. I like being hugged, but I separate sex and love.

I seem to feel that sex is an almost punishment, I guess?

Any fantasy I have is negative towards me.

My ex was sexually abusive and had a few negative experiences but other than with DH I've felt very used yet perhaps sexually destructive.

I'm not afraid of being sexual- in fact, I think it's fine to do whatever you like. I just feel like sex is kind of something I should hate but love is great and anything involving hugs, family times etc really is lovely to me.

Anyone have anything similar and how to deal with it?

It sounds like you could do with getting some therapy on the matter. Unless you mean you get kicks out of massachism, in which case each to their own.

I don't think it's specifically that. I mean I do get turned on by it but it's the fact I've been hurt/shamed rather than a submissive want if that makes sense.

If you enjoyed it / it would sound like emotional masochism to me. You get off on erotic shame? You like feeling used, a receptacle for his pleasure? Maybe tested roughly, without care or concern for your own enjoyment?

Because you say you're not interested in sex and you feel like sex is a punishment, I'd hazard a guess you feel guilty for enjoying it. Where that guilt comes from only a counsellor can help you with - unless it's catholic guilt and then you have no hope, trust me on that one

One book that will help:

The Erotic Mind, by Jack Morin

You'll find your answers there, including insight to what the book terms as your "troublesome turn-ons". Jack Morin was a pioneering sex therapist who studied sexual behaviour and fantasies.