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Bad self conscious issues :(

10 replies

Lilypad15 · 30/09/2016 20:17

Hi all,

I've been with my partner for 3 years. We don't have a wild sex life as he works nights but we do it when we can. However, this is usually at night, in bed, in the dark and in the same positions.

I'm very self conscious. Mostly of my body but also anything to do with sex. I'm sure my partner wouldn't care what I looked like or whatever but to this day, he has never seen me naked. Not properly anyway. I don't have a hideous body but I'm very secretive about it. I hate the way my lady bits look, my boobs are covered in stretch marks...

I can't initiate sex at all. I just can't do it. I've tried but I don't see myself as sexy. I'm so awkward I say or do the wrong thing.

I would love to be able to jump in the shower with my partner or have sex in the light without being self conscious. On the rare occasion we do have sex when it's light, I'm so focused on covering myself as much as possible that I don't enjoy it and can't relax.

People have suggested things to me like, buy sexy underwear and stuff like that but even though I have plenty, I don't wear it. I feel stupid in it.

I'm just sad that I'm not comfortable in my own skin, that I'm not comfortable even being naked around my partner of 3 years. He is always complimentary, telling me I'm sexy or I'm beautiful so it's not him giving me the anxiety.

Is there any way I can try to get over this? I'm sick of hiding myself when we're getting changed in the same room, having to fumble around blind in bed because it has to be dark when we have sex, not being able to just be spontaneous and do it in random places. I'm only 27, I feel like I should be in my sex prime!

Any help/advice would be greatly appreciated :)

OP posts:
Jaysundaruler89 · 01/10/2016 10:44

Hi there lily.

I'm not the most confident person in the world either but I've become much less self-conscious in the bedroom over the last few years.

I'm also not a fan of the look of my lady bits either but having looked online at other ones I can see mine are perfectly normal and nothing to worry about. Bits in my mind are just not particularly attractive to look at whether male or female but to other people they look great.

A few years ago I decided that it was time that I discovered what all the fascination with sex was all about. My children were a little older so I wasn't so tired anymore and I had more time and energy to spare.

I read up online about different positions to try, discovered how to masturbate, found out what felt good and how to make myself orgasm and squirt!

We bought toys together from Lovehoney to try. A bullet, cock ring, blindfold, satin wrist tie and feather tickler to start with and experimented with them. We had lots of fun. The community there is great for advice and tips too.

You said that you don't like the outfits you have but what did you buy? I found a babydoll set very feminine, flattering, comfortable and pretty to wear. It covered my mum-tum area which is the bit where I have stretch marks too. If I am wearing a bra and knickers set or a basque then a sheer or lace robe over the top makes me feel less exposed and self-conscious or a crotchless bodystocking is great for disguising my lumps and bumps and allows easy access if needed.

Try on your outfits that you have or get some new ones and wear them when you are all alone to get used to having them on. You could do your hair and make-up, accessorise with some jewellery a masquerade style mask, heels or boots. Take some pics on your phone and if you feel brave send him one with a flirty message. It doesn't have to be a full length pic. It could be a little flash of your favourite bit/s like your bum, legs or neck with a hint of cleavage to tease. Look for poses online that flatter. Play around with filters, colour, black and white and cropping and rotating the pictures. It amazed me how good and professional that they can actually look! It can be a great confidence booster too.

The "perfect" pictures we see all the time in the media are all clever angles, lighting and flattering poses and the models themselves admit that they don't look that good all the time and that out of dozens of photos there is only a few that look right.

I used to be a lights out under the cover of darkness type girl too but now I can relax and just enjoy us being naked together. I don't scrutinise my DH or look for flaws when we are together which I'm sure your DP doesn't do either. I just enjoy all the sensations and the warmth and softness of his skin and let go. It took me a while to get there but I find that I'm much more relaxed about sex and enjoy it much more now.

I read a lot of erotica which got me feeling sexy and watched some woman friendly porn online. Which got me used to seeing other people naked and realised that beauty comes in all shapes and sizes and that a little confidence is very sexy. It was great to see how powerful and happy these women looked. The site I used to look at was Lady Cheeky (but it got a bit glitchy) and they had really nice arty photos, gifs and short clips to suit all tastes.

Initiating is hard but I usually find that with us we are quite touchy-feely (kisses, hugs, hand-holding) all the time on a daily basis and that when we are alone passionate kissing usually naturally leads to other things anyway without either of us making the first move.

Things like Bio-oil are supposed to help improve the appearance of stretchmarks and they do fade a little naturally over time. I find that a gentle body scrub and body butter or lotion makes my skin look much better and feel lovely and soft.

Hope some of this helps. Good luck x

Jaysundaruler89 · 01/10/2016 10:47

The Betty Dodson site is good too for tips, help and positive advice.

Jaysundaruler89 · 01/10/2016 10:54

Forgot to add when I mentioned reading erotica that some people also enjoy listening to the audio books with or without headphones. Literotica is a very popular site with all kinds of books to suit all tastes.

Personally I found them odd as the ones I listened too were only one person talking and you didn't hear feedback from the other person which I found distracting but I suppose that's because I'm supposed to be the other person but I've decided audio is not for me and I like to use my own imagination instead but you could always try them for yourself and make up your own mind :)

Jaysundaruler89 · 01/10/2016 10:57

Just remembered about the Tracey Cox website, Cosmopolitan and Men's Health ones too. There is so much great information out there to help you nowadays. Enjoy :)

Jaysundaruler89 · 01/10/2016 11:02

Another fun thing to try is a candlelit soak in the bath and then a relaxing massage. Some fairylights round the headboard are lovely too and create a delicate, soft light and shadows. Really romantic. Hope some of this helps you and please come back to the thread to update us or if you want to ask anything else and I will try to help you if I can :)

Jaysundaruler89 · 01/10/2016 11:04

candlelit soak together.

Ineedmorelemonpledge · 01/10/2016 13:16

I spent my 20's the same way as you OP. And that was when my body was at its best.

Now in my mid 40's I'm wobbly, now overweight a bit, with stretch marks and all sorts.

But I asked myself, did I want to lay there worrying about what I looked like and focussing on that, or do I want to start bloody enjoying myself before it's too late.

Your DP loves you, all of you and if he's a decent guy he probably wants to see you happy.

I can't imagine what the view is from my DP when I'm spreadeagled on the bed. But whatever it is he's there because he loves it. He loves the fact that I am into it, lose myself and am relaxed and happy.

Confidence is the sexiest thing to him. He absolutely loves that about me. I'm there to enjoy it as much as him. To take pleasure as well as give.

The blindfold sounds a great idea. Do you think you could do it? Talk to him about your fears. I bet he doesn't even notice the things you worry about. He might even adore them. My DP does!

Does he compliment you? What does he love about you? Focus on the positives to get going. Would you let him massage you to relax you? Try positions for behind you to allow you to relax and pleasure yourself?

Kickandslap · 02/10/2016 00:15

Mood lighting helps.. coloured lights that are low and battery operated

Learn to love yourself.. I'm no pin up, but my body is my body and however much weight I put on/take off the stretch marks and veins won't budge.. I love sexwith my partner

Lilypad15 · 06/10/2016 18:30

Thank you so much for all of your replies :)

I managed to have sex in the daylight and I didn't try and hide myself once. And the world didn't collapse around me! I still need to work on it a bit but I think that baby steps is the way to go.

I feel kind of embarrassed about things like sexting, dirty talk, dressing up etc. I know it's all in my head so I need to find a way to relax. I know my DP would appreciate a naughty picture here and there!

It's to do with rejection really, I have quite a fear of it. Not doing the right thing, not being very good at something, so my DP ends up not being into it. I used to be fine with sex and everything and actually pretty confident until my daughter's father left me for another man.

Thank you for all your tips though, I'love definitely try and give them a go!

OP posts:
Jaysundaruler89 · 07/10/2016 21:57

Thanks for the update lily.

Here's hoping that your new-found confidence will continue to grow and grow.

Try not to worry about doing anything wrong or your DP not enjoying it as sex is supposed to be fun and if he's anything like my DH he'll be delighted to see you letting go, enjoying yourself and taking more of an active approach.

Good luck and have fun experimenting!

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