Can't seem to get it right

[Pandora85]

Feel nervous posting this but I don't really know who to ask.
Been with my partner for a decade and have a young dd but I don't really enjoy sex. I have a bullet vibrator which is lovely but other than that I find the thought of sex much more thrilling that the act itself.

I've tried to try new things (blindfold and handcuffs recently) but nothing seems to work. Dh isnt good at playing with me and maybe I take too long to get going so he gives up.

If he ever gets to a good point and i say keep it there he seems to not be able to. It's like he loses concentration or has some issues with maintaining what he's doing.
Tried to get him to use the bullet on me but again he can't seem to hold it in the right place however politely I direct him.
It always ends with him playing for a while, it not really working and then just having penetrative sex which doesn't do anything for me.

Not had a great sexual awakening. Dp was my first at the age of 20 and I don't think either of us knew what we were doing (although he had slept with a few people) and clearly I failed to teach him what I like.
I'm honestly a control freak but want the man to be in control in the bedroom. I want him to know what he's doing, be good at it and take charge.
How the hell do I teach him that when I'm not really sure what I like myself other than my bullet vibrator.

Feel a bit "meh" afterwards as i don't get that release and its all an anticlimax. Is sex always going to be like this. I want to enjoy it. Is it me thats bad? Wish I'd experimented when I was younger and maybe experienced with a few more people as then maybe I'd know more.

I tend to fantasise about the sex I wish I was having and about other people as I feel do doesn't give me what I need (what ever that is) and this just makes sex even more difficult.

Can you not use your fingers or the bullet on yourself during sex to help you climax?

It sounds like your dh needs to refine his technique a bit. He needs to learn how to make you orgasm, not just feel meh.

"maybe I take too long to get going so he gives up."

I reckon good foreplay is a bit like cooking. Time and patience are of the essence.

I would persevere with the bullet to start with. Could you guide his hand? Him holding the bullet while you hold his hand?

A decade is a long time to feel so unsatisfied. Are you still attrated to him? Can he still make you feel horny? Are you affectionate outside the bedroom?

To be honest I'm not great with my hands on myself and I worry I'm a bit self conscious with the bullet as I've only just introduced it. Struggle to position it right during penetrative sex for it to do anything.

I think there is still attraction there. I still fancy him but not all the time anymore as we've been through a lot which has had a huge impact. I then think that the not enjoying sex makes me feel frustrated and that just makes it harder.
I want to keep trying and don't intend to go elsewhere (although I do find others a turn on at the moment but I think that's misplaced and is just because I feel generally unsatisfied right now)
Trying to think of ways to make things better.

He sounds pretty lazy TBH.

I agree, he sounds lazy-major turn off. You've been together long enough to have a frank discussion about sex. You know what you like with the vibrator so tell him & show him & keep doing so until he gets it right. Is he any good at oral?
Experiment with positions until you find one or more that you enjoy.
Please don't carry on having bad sex, keep trying until it's good.

Also,Doggy is probably the best for doing along with the bullet I'd say.

Well, I have just discovered a website called OMGYES.

You need a 25 quid subscription, but there's a preview.

It's about learning how to get it right down there and communication.

With online 'homework'.

The two of you could work through it?