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Sexless marriage

6 replies

lifeonthemuvaside · 07/09/2016 20:10

Husband and I have been together 10 years, married 6, have two DC, 3 and 9mths, but never have sex, in fact the last time we had sex was when we conceived last dc so you can do the math there!
We have had some troubles and have nearly split up a couple of times, and we have been to counselling but we end up staying together and just struggling on. I know DH would like sex frequently but for me I just feel like I can't give him that side of me as I find him so irritating and selfish that I don't think he deserves it as having sex means everything is ok which it isn't. I can't bring myself to leave because of DC. Obviously I know that this can't be normal but what should I do?

OP posts:
Tippytoes13 · 07/09/2016 22:59

It sounds like you have built up resentment and you no longer love him, that's why you can't get intimate with him. 18 months is a very long time for a couple not to have sex, how does he feel about this? Is this something you can discuss with your counsellor? I'm in a similar position and having maritial problems, but we too are going to see a counsellor, we genuinely love each other, but I also stopped having sex with my husband, which to me was a red flag, that's when I knew there were problems that needed addressing.

AkimboLimbo · 08/09/2016 09:29

Sex is not the problem in your marriage and you can't fix your marriage by having more sex.
It doesn't sound like you even want to fix things. If you don't, you need to leave because the resentment will just increase and the inevitable split will be even worse.
If you do want to fix things, I suspect you will need help, but it will involve some open communication and slowly trying to address the problems you are having. Sex is not the priority, that can be addressed after the resentment has been reduced.

Ineedmorelemonpledge · 08/09/2016 10:14

I felt like this with my ex. He'd cheated and lied to me so much that I couldn't give up the last piece of intimacy I had for myself. I felt like it was just mugging myself off.

You have destroyed my faith and trust, you take what you like and now you expect me to give myself up completely to you.

And that's why he's now my ex.

You don't give the details of your problems, but it must be affecting you deeply to make you feel this way. If you don't think it can change then I would think about moving on to a happier place for you both.

TheNaze73 · 08/09/2016 11:23

I think you're heading for a relationship crossroads very soon. It sounds like you're not that keen on each other. It's going to keep going around in circles quicker until something gives.

Can see you both digging your heels in here as you'll both think you're right.

He's going to be less attentive as he's not getting what he wants, you're going to emotionally distance yourself further because you're not getting what you want.

You should leave him OP.

12purpleapples · 11/09/2016 14:35

If you are only staying because of the DC, then thats horrible for you. No wonder you don't want to have sex with him. Have you been able to explore with your H what things would look like if you did separate in term sof the arrangements for the children?

ElspethFlashman · 11/09/2016 14:39

The DC are so young that if you left him now, they would literally never remember any different. They're not a good enough excuse.

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