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Giving oral sex but DH refuses to return the favour

27 replies

CRazzyyAce · 26/08/2016 18:13

DH asks to receive oral sex all the time and I oblige on many occasions he's returned the favour about 5 times in a period of 6 years. He doesn't like to do it apparently but I enjoy recieving it, previous sexual partners have enjoyed doing it but he just doesn't like to do it, I feel a little hurt as I happy oblige with him when he asks and it seems to be a one way street.

OP posts:
LucyLocketLostIt · 26/08/2016 19:11

As you can't make him give you oral, your options seem to be:

  1. Carry on as you are.
  2. Stop obliging him.
  3. LTB

The decision is yours.
blueistheonlycolourwefeel · 26/08/2016 19:17

My exH did this to me. It's not just the refusal to reciprocate, it's the feeling that they think it's disgusting but it's ok for you to do it to them!

Womenareliketeabags · 26/08/2016 19:18
Arfarfanarf · 26/08/2016 19:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CRazzyyAce · 26/08/2016 20:06

Blue hit the nail on the head it's the expection that he expects me to give oral sex.

OP posts:
LucyLocketLostIt · 26/08/2016 20:57

Tell him you don't like to do it.

TheNaze73 · 26/08/2016 23:46

I'd find out what his issue is. Like a man who refuses to be pegged, who wants anal I really don't think you should oblige him, if he doesn't reciprocate.

ThoraGruntwhistle · 26/08/2016 23:51

If you told him it's no longer a service you're happy to provide for him, what would happen? Would he change his mind or have a big sulk?

AyeAmarok · 26/08/2016 23:53

Do you enjoy giving him oral? Or is it more that you're willing to do it as it pleases him, but get nothing out of it yourself?

I agree your options are as Lucy says.

CRazzyyAce · 27/08/2016 05:40

I do it for him because I enjoy it, he said he's never been keen on doing it but I think it might be a confidence issue about technique.

OP posts:
CRazzyyAce · 27/08/2016 07:29

He not I

OP posts:
Ocicat · 27/08/2016 10:18

I don't think anyone should be pressured into sexual activities they don't want to do.

I also don't think this kind of tit-for-tat (if you'll excuse the pun) attitude of "if I give oral to you, you should give it to me... and if you don't, I won't" is healthy, especially in a loving relationship. I think sexual activity needs to be a shared experience, rather than point-scoring. That might be the product of my own experiences of being called a "selfish bitch" for not wanting to partake in particular activities though.

ShowOfHands · 27/08/2016 10:27

You enjoy doing it and he doesn't. Nobody should ever be coerced into sexual acts they don't enjoy. It doesn't matter what bargain you offer. Coerced sex is a no no.

whywonthedgehogssharethehedge · 27/08/2016 10:30

Everyone has the right to choice. You can choose to decline just as he can. Talking to him about why is another choice. If it's confidence that's addressable, if he says he finds it disgusting you may regret asking..,

AkimboLimbo · 27/08/2016 13:00

No-one should ever be pressured into any sexual activity.

I agree that tit-for-tat is not a great move for any relationship.

But, I would find his lack of effort and willingness to find some way to manage this, combined with his expectation that you oblige him, very unattractive.

I think I would tell him that you find it quite hurtful that he is not willing to put much effort into your pleasure and you would like to find ways to make it possible. In the shower, fresh out of the bath, different positions, guidance about what to do etc

CRazzyyAce · 27/08/2016 13:13

I'm always fresh out of the bath I'm extremely ocd when it comes to hygiene, on other fronts he does put effort in il give him that it's just a shame as its a nice. He has been relecant with previous partners before me. I guess it's something I've got to accept, I would never force him not he would be forced.

OP posts:
SarcasmMode · 27/08/2016 13:16


He likes receiving, he gives too.

If he doesn't want to that's fine but neither will you.

Selfish sex partners are shit.

Is he like this with sex too? Not bothered if you reach that high as long as he does?

SarcasmMode · 27/08/2016 13:20

X posted.

Ok he's generous otherwise that's good.

If you like doing it do it when you fancy it, nor if he just asks for it.

If he doesn't want to as he finds it disgusting that's his right but you are allowed to say you are not in the mood to do it too.

Ocicat · 28/08/2016 11:54

SarcasmMode: "He likes receiving, he gives too."

I don't think it's as simple as that. I like to receive, my husband loves to give. Why should we stop because the thought of having a penis in my mouth makes me want to puke? It's not "selfish", it's shared experience we both enjoy or don't.

PhoneboothCF · 28/08/2016 20:38

I'm a taker more than a giver...... but ... if my OH refused that most intimate and pleasurable of acts I'd seriously have to reconsider being with him

NotExactlyBradPitt · 29/08/2016 09:29

I do it because I like doing it and I like the effect it has on DW. She doesn't like doing oral, so she doesn't. Occasionally she will because she thinks she should (I'm not bothered tbh) but while its a pleasant sensation I don't really enjoy it because I know she doesn't, and although she will let me cum in her mouth I won't because I know she hates the taste. Conversely I'm happy spend as much time down there as I can and I love how she tastes. On the face of it this is all a bit unbalanced as I'm giving more than I'm receiving but Ocicat is right, it's not about trading one act for another, it's about the whole package.

Themanfrommanc · 11/10/2016 17:55

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lottieandmia · 11/10/2016 18:01

He's really selfish. Although I agree that nobody should be pressured into sex acts they don't like, I think expecting your partner to perform oral sex when you won't do it yourself is extremely hurtful and selfish.

If I were you I would just stop doing it. Why should he get all the fun? I stopped seeing someone because he would always say he was going to go down on me then he never would. But he expected me to let him come in my mouth. I have a theory that men who don't like giving women oral sex don't like women very much. That's the experience I've had.

frenchbubble · 11/10/2016 18:09

What is pegged?

frenchbubble · 11/10/2016 18:35

Oh I looked it up. Understand now Blush

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