Not compatible?

[GeorgiePeachie]

I have recently started to seeing someone.

We get along like a house on fire. ON FIRE. So well, very similar sense of humour.

Possibly the best kisser I have ever ever had. very affectionate together.

basically every element if perfect.

Except the sex.

We've slept together a couple times and it has come to light that things aren't going well.

as of this morning, we're going to keep trying and try and take the pressure off of each other a little. but we really want this to work because we like each other a lot.

He's smaller than I'm used to... and generally cums quite quickly (before I get a chance). Our timing is all off, I need more time, if we spend more time on foreplay that shortens the sex.
smaller means that most positions don't really feel that great for me... (any suggestions on better positions?) So he's slamming away and not really hitting anything and it just makes me sore and frustrated.
Oral is great < the best I've had too.
He's terrible at using his fingers, very painful. Have told him to just stay away because he just hurts me.
Basically I need some advice I don't know what to do about this. Is it redeemable?

No useful advice, but did you mention the 'size' issue ... How did he respond?
Does he usually come quickly or is it because it's new with you and he's too excited with you ?
Sounds like if everything else is so good there must be a way to make it work out !

Can he not finish you off with his mouth (and possibly hands after a little coaching)? After his orgasm.

Is he able to get hard again reasonably quickly. Round two often lasts longer ime.

How is the size with you on top? I had a smaller chap and I loved being on top as I could really grind on him.

It sounds like this is really worth working on as your relationship sounds great. What about taking the pressure of piv for a bit and playing together with ice or food or toys?

Can't he give you oral to make you come first? Not much chance of him doing it afterward! Him coming too quicky usually sorts itself out with a regular partner / more frequent sex. In the meantime you need to orgasm first.

Basically whether your relationship can survive this depends on whether you can train him - he has to be willing to learn and you need to be diplomatic enough to coach him. Telling him 'just stay away' with his fingers is not helpful, it's rather hurtful, and never ever mention size. Either diplomatically teach him what you like with specific instructions, or give up completely. All guys who are good with their hands were taught by someone, you know!

Small size - positions where your legs are bent might help, eg on your back pulling your knees to your chest, but you may just have to accept that he will never be as good as whoever you compare him to.

Ending up sore sounds worrying - especially given he's coming too quickly - sounds like you are not turned on enough. You could try lubricant, reading erotica together or playing with yourself during sex.

Good luck and definitely give it a shot. No-one is perfect. Oh and listen to Lily Allen's 'Not fair' song, it's about exactly this!

I think if everything else works great there can be some compromise with sex as although it's great it's not the most important thing.

Hoe about he gives you oral first?

Would you use a vibrator?
For the reason I can not orgasm without clitoral stimulation Ive had DH do it from behind whilst I used a clitoral vibrator - very nice.

You could also rub yourself whilst he watched after you've had sex to finish you off.

Or even he could orgasm first a while before as round 2 will be slower usualily.

Plenty of options.

You've slept together a couple of times but you have already told him to stay away with his fingers because he hurts you?
Maybe if you taught him how to do it better. If he's good at oral, there is no reason why he can't improve at manual stimulation.

Could the fact that you have only had sex a couple of times, be a big factor in the amount of time he is lasting?

If the relationship is that you, I think you need to put a bit more effort into improving the sex. It's a 2-way thing.

Surely it takes more than a couple of times to match properly. You can't learn each other inside-out (pun intended ) in that time. Hw quick quick is quick? And how small is small?

Wow!

Not Compatible? This sounds like bail out talk. Flight not fight. I guess you don't take prisoners.

If the oral, humour, kissing and attraction is amazing then you have good foundations. You are more than halfway there - not that there is any yardstick. This is only the start. It can take years to get to know someone else, to feel their emotions as if they are your own. Over that period you will draw his body deeper into yours, and he will do the same for you. This is satisfaction. Both of you will intuitively know what works and what does not and you will naturally adopt those positions for security, you will experiment occasionally, a little danger over the kitchen table to add to it all.

Persevere for the what you have together, not what you do not have. You can do the latter of course. But to me there is a big difference in the character of a person in making that choice.

Everything I say could be wrong.

My Ex-DH was smallish and the only way I'd have an orgasm with him was me on my knees and him behind me.

Alternatively, lie on your back and he can use a vibrator on you?

Agree tho, twice is no measure, especially when everything else is so good.

Best not to ask each other to stop certain things, instead work on direction and training where things aren't the way you like them. Stopping knocks confidence and may have a knock on effect.

Thanks for the encouraging comments. I was SO dissapointed when I wrote that post.
I haven't mentioned that I think he's small. I think that telling him he cums too quick is pretty much as much as his ego can take at this point.

Unfortunately once he's done there is no getting hard again quickly. Its bed time after that. I was staying up until like 4 am keeping him talking and waiting for it to happen again but he just doesn't roll like that.

A couple of people have suggest orgasming from oral as a solution. I just don't consider that a solution at all. It's not nearly as intimate I like the closeness of PIV.

I tried a little coaching re fingers last night and he didnt hurt me, which is progress. I gave a direction and he got it wrong. I don't know how to verbalise: Be better, I dunno what you're doing wrong.

I'd say sex lasts about 3 minutes... might be 5...
He's just told me he's had this problem forever. It's not me. I think he maybe tried to cover with that early on, but I immediately pulled him up on it.

Guess I need to get used to telling him what to do. It makes me so uncomfortable to correct him and then he adjusts and still gets it wrong.

Sex lasts 3 mins and then he's done? I'm wondering how old he is. I'd feel pretty hard done by if that was me. Could you touch yourself how you like it while he's watching so he can copy it?

I think the PP suggesting you come orally aren't saying you don't have PIV. Absolutely have the PIV. Just have your orgasm first (or after) through oral sex and fingers.

From experience, you can 'train' him into what works for you. Either gradually; (after each session have a feedback session where you tell him what you liked and what he should try next time). (This is what DH and I do. It's brilliant. I highly recommend it). Or I suppose if his ego is up to it, you could set aside an evening where you teach eachother what you like. Be very practical about it even. Treat it like a learning experience. After all, there's no shame in not instantly knowing how to be with each other.

if kissing and oral are fantastic that is a LOT to be getting on with.

Sounds like things are improving on the manual side too.

TBH I found where mutual fit (I prefer that to size) is an issue, then there really isn't much to beat the missionary position. From behind isn't possible for us for more than a few seconds, though we may just be differently constructed from you. I like a pillow under my arse and a long slow grind, preferably with as little movement as possible. Might that help with the speed issue?

I'm quite jealous tbh as I like a rapid responder but I appreciate it's not the same when it's every time. He sounds like he's used to doing everything really hard and fast (hence the problem with the fingers) and it doesn't seem like that would help with the speed.

I like sex in long-term relationships and I think the first seven years are finding out about each other so don't give up just yet IMO.

Sometimes people aren't always compatable, a ex BF had a fairly large penis but he didn't have a clue how to use it and it was just sore and uncomfortable he never made me climax.

My DH spend a lot of time on foreplay before hand, sometimes he's quick other times he's not.

If you like him I would try and explore each other try different positions.

There's no shame in havjng preferences and putting your pleasure first. Try a few more times but if it's just doesn't work for you then don't stay in an unsatisfactory relationship just coz you feel bad.
I had a thread about a friend who had a similar issue in sex and there was some good advice on there about positions for smaller men. I'll see if I can find it

Sounds like my XH.

But more helpfully, why not buy him a book? My XBF bought one of his own accord (which was rather lovely of him) because he wanted to be a great lover - I think it was called 'She cums first.' It included all about using your fingers, foreplay, positions etc but the title explained the philosophy and it worked!