Did anyone wait until marriage before having sex?ex?

[bramblesandblackberries]

First time posting here!

I've met someone and he is quite religious. I haven't broached the subject yet (although I will) but I have a strong feeling be won't have slept with anyone yet and will want to wait until marriage.

Having said all that I'm not completely sure what my point is, now! I suppose anyone who's been in the same boat?

I know a number of people who did just that for religious reasons sometimes it's ok sometimes not
One woman married a man who didn't want it at all even on the wedding night and another man got his kicks from beating the woman up - she found out this only on the wedding night !
Personally I think it's probably better to try before you buy

I think it could be very difficult if there hasn't been any kind of physical relationship before the marriage. Less of a problem if there has been a physical relationship that just didn't involve intercourse.

Not something I would ever contemplate, I don't even understand it!

The only couple I know who did this, she really has no interest in sex. It's something she sees as a marital duty.

Any man who will abstain from sex on religious grounds is not "quite religious" as you put it in your OP. So I think the question you want to ask yourself is can you have a serious, long-term relationship with someone who has strong religious convictions that (by the sound of it) you don't share. The sex before marriage thing, whilst not to be taken lightly, could well be the thin end of the wedge. If you're non-religious or very laid back and he is devout, you're going to disagree strongly on an awful lot of things.

My cousin is very religious and abstained until his wedding in his late 20s

Him and his wife even bought a house together before their wedding, which she moved into, and he would visit for dinner and then leave afterwards. He wouldn't even sleep in the spare room.

They met through a church and were both like-minded in that respect though

I think it's better to really know the person before you marry, including physically. It's an important part of your relationship and is a risk to commit yourself having no idea what it will be like.

We waited until marriage for religious reasons have had no problem since. But as someone said he seems devout so unless you are on same page you may have other issues which do cause a problem

We did but then we were both in agreement. I know loads of couples who also did and are happily married years later. It won't always end in disaster just because you don't do it beforehand.

The only problem is if you don't hold those same beliefs. It could cause tension. Only you can decide how important this man is to you/how important marriage is to you.

How long are you prepared to wait? How long are you likely to want to get married?
Would you feel pressured into marrying too soon?

I don't mind waiting for sex at all; in all honesty I'd prefer to get married sooner rather than later but I know it's not something you should rush into.

I can't pretend to be as devoted or indeed knowledgeable about the church as he is, but our beliefs do tally and I think it could work. He works, part time at least, in the church so I suppose it's natural he will be devout :)

He's honestly a really lovely, genuine, kind man with a sense of humour and intelligent and very, very loving and sweet. I don't want anyone thinking he's some sort of religious fruitcake! :) I think he has dedicated himself so much to others and to Christ/the church that he just hasn't really thought of females I hope to change this It's just difficult because I'm not exactly experienced myself.

You never really know someone until you fuck them. That's my devout belief. I've had a lot of post-coital confessions from blokes that would make me run a mile if we were dating. Once they cum, they let their barriers down.

Yes, I have had relationships with two men who hadn't DTD

One more devout thsb the other

We didn't live together until we married but we did DTD before marriage. I don't think I would have got married without knowing fully.

I knew people at college who were like this. One of them has never married, so I assume she remains virgo intacta. I wouldn't've enteree into a relationship llike this, but I presume some do.

Yep, DH and I both waited for marriage. We slowly got to know the other one sexually and four years on are at it like rabbits! I think good sex, like most things in a relationship takes time, effort and commitment. We have had a lot of fun practising!

Ooh, Candles, that's great!

Did you wait for religious reasons?

Excuse the personal questions but hey, it's the sex topic! were you nervous? Did you talk about it? Were either of you keen to have sex but decided to wait until marriage to respect the other ones view?

Yes, we waited for religious reasons and we were both equally committed which helped. We did talk about it. We spoke about how we didn't want to have sex prior to our wedding night and so we put boundaries in place for ourselves (no being naked with each other) so we could keep to that. It wasn't a huge priotrity, we have both known (religious) couples who had had sex before marriage and it hasn't led to crushing guilt or issues in their marriage, it was just a choice we made for us.

I think one of the issues can be that if you wait you can build sex up into this all important part of marriage and first times for both partners can be disappointing! We spoke about keeping our expectations low, especially since we were planning to have sex after our wedding day - an exhausting day with quite a bit of alcohol! But we both read a couple of books on sex (we read lots of books on marriage as well, not just about sex) and chatted about things we would like to try, and things we really didn't want to try ( although four years on we are a lot more adventurous). It was lots of fun and I think it drew us together sexually even though we weren't actually having sex if you see what I mean.

I was definitely nervous on the night, but we kind of planned what was going to happen (bath, massage etc) and that made it less scary. It also meant that even though the sex was fumbly, awkward and a little painful we both had a good time anyway.

Some of my friends were worried because my DH (then DP)was in his late thirties and hadn't had sex. They felt this could mean he wasn't into women, or sex and I would discover awful things about him once we were married. But, as you said about your DP, he was devoted to the church and Christ and hadn't really thought about it! I can assure you it hasn't held him/us back! It has probably made me more confident and willing to try things because I know he won't be comparing me to anyone else, so I'm more willing to do things that otherwise I'd feel self conscious of. Which is great because it turns out I've enjoyed quite a lot of them.

Don't worry about asking personal questions, if you can't do it here, where can you?!

That's such a lovely and encouraging post, Candles

Thank you

No, I didn't. No regrets either.

Each to their own & I'm glad it worked out for many posters, but I'm personally happy to have been intimate with more than one person as each relationship & experience is different.

One woman married a man who didn't want it at all even on the wedding night and another man got his kicks from beating the woman up - she found out this only on the wedding night !

I think talking about what gets you off would probably a good idea with this waiting until marriage thing.

There seem to be some people who have a fetish and aren't aware that that's not how normal people have sex. Awkward.