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Original poster

Oral sex or lack of

49 replies

firsttimedaddy11 · 02/08/2016 15:37

Hi all, not a troll but desperate for opinions.
Myself and my OH have been together for 8 years, in our first year, her performing oral sex was a regular occurrence, all be it only for a matter of minutes. These days it happens maybe twice a year.
I really enjoy both giving and receiving oral so I ensure I perform on every encounter, always ensuring that she climaxes.
Any suggestions as to why she does not like returning the favour?

OP posts:
Original poster
firsttimedaddy11 · 02/08/2016 16:39

In fairness, I see what you mean, but if I was into being fisted by a bloke called Darren........ And it was important to my Other half, if I suddenly stopped doing it surely she would be miffed.

OP posts:
MrPony · 02/08/2016 16:44

You've got very strange boundaries in your relationship if you think she would have a right to be miffed by that.

LaurieFairyCake · 02/08/2016 16:48

Well no. No one has a right to expect their partner to continue doing stuff they don't like.

You know she doesn't like it ( or she'd be doing it) but you still want her to continue to do it.

That's tough shit basically. Blow jobs are over for you. Continually alluding to it or whining about it isn't going to get you anywhere.

I think the problem is that you want her to do stuff you know she doesn't want to do.

LaurieFairyCake · 02/08/2016 16:50

And also I think your wife is lovely by protecting your feelings.

In my relationship I'd have said 'yeah, don't like that. Not doing it any more' Grin

And that would be that.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 02/08/2016 16:51

But people change their likes/ dislikes all the time. I liked very different things 10 years ago and I'm sure my tastes will change again in another 10 years.

GirlWithTheLionHeart · 02/08/2016 16:56

I'm with you op. My partner gave me loads of oral sex in the beginning of the relationship and now I never get any and I'm quite generous with him

I feel like he used it to lure me in Grin

When I asked why he never does it anymore he said he has to be really turned on to do it or.some bullshit.

wherearemymarbles · 02/08/2016 17:00

But Laurie i bet your hubby knew from the start you werent going to do it.

I can see that its slightly tougher if it changes over time.

Op maybe you just have to say, ok its clear you dont like giving head but you could at least be honest and say so.

cbigs · 02/08/2016 17:00

I think in the early days to put it bluntly you can be arsed making the extra effort and after a while you can't. I will give blow jobs but I absolutely have to be in the mood for it.... We've only been together 4 years and are due to get married so there's more 'I can be arsed' around for me . But if I had young kids, or was stressed at work or had fallen out with my dp id totally think 'I really cannot be arsed' when I talk to friends married for longer their blow job giving is few and far between to be honest. My dp actively enjoys oral whereas I'm happy to do it because he loves it and I'm not bothered( when in the mood)

iloveberries · 02/08/2016 18:07

I think it's really shitty to not do something sexual which you used to do because you "can't be arsed anymore".... Imagine if yourDP stopped bringing you breakfast in bed, or stopped complimenting you when you'd made an effort to go out because he "couldn't be arsed".... If she really dislikes giving BJs then thats one thing but "not being arsed" to me = lazy crappy partner.

Temporaryanonymity · 02/08/2016 18:15

I don't think I ever gave my exH oral, yet with my current partner of 4 years I find it a huge turn on and will do so pretty much every time we are together.

I have no idea why I like it so much now and didn't before.

iloveberries · 02/08/2016 18:21

My exH's willy always had a faint wee smell and I hated it and actually explained why.

DPs cock is just gorgeous and I could suck it every single day. Absolutely love giving head to him

Original poster
firsttimedaddy11 · 02/08/2016 18:39

I love berries, I envy your partner!
You see in all of my previous relationships my partners had the same attitude as you!
I really find oral sex amazing and feel like I'm missing something without it!

OP posts:
iloveberries · 02/08/2016 18:46

Talk to your DW OP..... There might be a way to get a decent level of oral back into the relationship. There could be quite a few reasons why it's gone from the relationship.

Unfortunately if she doesn't want to do it any more then you'll have to respect that but tbh I can see that it could be annoying!! Obviously you only want your partner to do things they enjoy OF COURSE but for many people oral is a huge part of a Sex life and to have it suddenly vanish / dwindle would be pretty hard to handle.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 02/08/2016 20:13

Faint wee smell would put anyone off!!

Sweetandsour93 · 08/08/2016 12:52

I think the best thing you can do is try and have a proper talk about it. I don't think you should have to give oral if she doesn't like doing it to you.
If this was a woman saying that she was always giving her dp oral but he wouldn't do it for her, I imagine the replies would be quite different. If she doesn't want to do it then she shouldn't have to but equally she shouldn't expect to receive it from you when she doesn't want to give. One-sided sexual acts where there's no reciprocation can lead to resentment.

BapsOfSteel · 09/08/2016 15:46

rst year, her performing oral sex was a regular occurrence, all be it only for a matter of minutes.

Only for a couple of minutes.. she didn't like it. She's lost interest in doing something she doesn't want to do.If she wanted to do it, she'd do it. Another talk about it is just going to serve to make her feel pressured.

iloveberries · 09/08/2016 15:50

Any news OP?

DP and I have been discussing your thread Blush and wondered what was going on?

Original poster
firsttimedaddy11 · 09/08/2016 18:44

Hi berries, no news I'm afraid, I have tried broaching the subject both in and outside the bedroom and have been accused of going on..... So think I will leave it for now..... Hopefully things might change.....
In the mean time does anyone have any love honey recommendations for an alternative I can use alone? I really miss the unique sensation of a good bj!

OP posts:
NotTheFordType · 09/08/2016 21:29

Since you have a complete breakdown of communication on this issue, my recommendation would be a divorce.

Oral comes as standard these days. (Like, post 1950s.) Anyone not prepared to provide that needs to state that upfront.

iloveberries · 09/08/2016 22:03

OP you might be better off asking that on another forum?!!!!

I do think it's very immature of your DW not to at least discuss it with you though.

crje · 13/08/2016 16:17

Op

Do you think she is self conscious about it.
I had very little experience of oral & liked some pointers from Dh.
I think if she didn't like it she would never have done it.

I was too bossy with Dh and that was a turn off too, its tricky having to negotiate about sex!

It's something I'd like to have a bit more of too.

Hope ye can work it out.

SandyY2K · 19/08/2016 23:12

I think it's wrong to lure someone in and then stop doing whst they liked, once you've got them.

For many guys receiving blow jobs is a huge thing and believe it or not, it's why they turn to OWs. For many, it's a deeper issue and translates to "my wife refuses to do something she knows I really like".

OP - stop giving her oral sex. Use a vibe if oral was the only way she has an O. Just stop and maybe she'll understand how you feel. I think it's selfish to expect it and not return the favour.

You decide you don't want to give it... Fine. He decides he still wants to get it. If not from his wife, he'll get it elsewhere.

I don't support men who do this in any way at all, but just remember who has changed in the marriage in regards to giving oral.

islandtiare · 19/08/2016 23:21

I'm with op

If he's clean etc then what's her problem? I've heard of this loads actually ...the woman does it at first then stops. Yet the mans still giving her oral? It's Selfish

As for Me ? I absolutely love giving dh head .

RubbishMantra · 15/09/2016 05:31

Wee smell = pissy pubes. Envy

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