First time in YEARS - terrified!

[horseygeorgie1]

I've got a friend. A lovely male friend who I have known for 2 1/2 years and have met up with fairly regularly. A week or so ago, he plucked up the courage to tell me he sees me as much more and luckily I feel the same! This weekend I'm going over to his, for dinner then a DVD. There is obviously the option of STAYING OVER and he lives miles from me. This could potentially mean SEX.

I'm 32, I have a 5 year old DD. I've done the deed once since she was born, just over 3 1/2 years ago. Including her conception, I've had sex twice in about 7 years! I used to be a bit promiscuous and was very adventurous with my Ex H. I've put on alot of weight, I'm now a size 18 - 20. I wobble. I worried that 'down there' isn't what it used to be! He is very slim and I'm slightly concerned he will roll off. What if he takes one look at the beclothed me and
A) Leaps out of the window to escape,
B) Laughs,
C) Can't get an erection,
D) Can't keep an erection
and E) throws a bag over me to cover the hideousness!?!

Honestly, normally I'm pretty comfortable with myself. I'm not the best thing ever but I'm not a complete hog but the thought of nakedness with someone else is terrifying.

Then there is the sex itself. What if I can't remember what to do!? What if I get locked in the ever frustrating circle of him trying desperately to get me to a happy place and me not getting there? I'm fairly tricky (advanced model me!) to manually start! What if my saggy boobs, squishy tum and gardening isn't up to scratch?! I don't wax etc, I like to look like a proper woman down below but as I am a redhead it is fairly vibrant. If he says 'coor look at that! Never seen one that colour before!' I think I may suffocate him with my boobs. He isn't cockney btw. Just nerves talking.

All in all, the thought is 99% terrifying and 1% delicious! I'm MASSIVELY overthinking this I know but it is quite lovely to be able to offload it on here! Any comforting words and pearls of wisdom gratefully received and sorry its so long!

Declothed me obviously. If I look that shocking with my clothes ON then they should probably keep me in a dark cave somewhere and charge tourists £8 to stare at the beast.

Also possible overuse of exclamation points. It maybe the caffeine.

Right stop over thinking. He's know you 2 .5 years he likes you. He obviously knows what size you are and doesn't care...so you shouldn't.

On the forgetting what to do ...you won't ; maybe tell him it's been a while and to be gentle with you.

I've recently started dating again after 3 years and met the most amazing guy on line on our first date would couldn't keep our hands off each other and on our second date I slept with him...he knew it'd been a while and was gentle and considerate and I very quickly remembered where everything went and what to do. I definitely recommend at least 2 glasses of wine though and Just bloody enjoy it

Just go with the flow. He knows your size, and he's very, very interested in you and not just for your mind. It's fine to be nervous, and I bet he'll but just as terrified as you. He already thinks you're gorgeous, that's more than half the battle.

Thank you. Don't worry, I'm not a headcase. I'm like the proverbial swan, swimming serenely on the surface but with the legs going ten to the dozen. Or mad neurotic thoughts in my case!

Do you think you might enjoy yourself more, when you see him, if you take sex off the table for now? Like, you can tell him that or not, it's up to you, but just deciding yourself that you won't go there yet, and get back into the swing of things more gradually?

Not that I think any of your concerns will be an issue once you get into bed with him, not in the slightest. But I can totally empathise with overthinking a relationship after being alone for a while, and what helped me a lot was taking physical stuff slowly. It was also really enjoyable - building anticipation!

Chillax babe, lol!

All of the things you're worrying over are highly unlikely to occur. Just take it easy, start with the kissing, then go with your hands wherever they lead you. If you want to.

If you're worried about how things look down there I find a nice haircut can boost confidence, not the whole job iykwim but you can shave/get waxed just around the edges to create a nice neat triangle.

Wear some nice lingerie that makes you feel sexy.

A small spray of perfume just on the back of your neck can be v sexy. Not too much.

Lucky you!

(You probably do all those things already)

Oh fuck it, forget all that stuff and just fuck his brains out! Have a great time!

Just go for it, take the plunge and ride him like Sesbiscuit

Stop worrying, I've never known a man to dislike a naked woman.

He's probably having similar thoughts though, what if I can't get an errection? What if she finds me too skinny? What if she thinks my ribs stick out? Etc. Etc..

No one is perfect. Have a glass of wine or two and relax and enjoy the company of someone who clearly likes you.

This may come as a surprise but despite, what the media would have us believe, there are actually a lot of people whose opinion of what is attractive is based on the whole person, not just their physique. This guy obviously finds you attractive so stop overthinking it. He fancies you, you fancy him, you've got a date arranged. Relax and enjoy yourself.

As a man, I can tell you sexiness has got sod all to do with body shape. I've met many women with what the fashion/glamour/celeb world would say are perfect bodies who had not an ounce of sexiness. I've also met many women with non-industry standard bodies who absolutely oozed sex appeal.

Thanks everyone, just what I was needing! Loving 'ride him like seabiscuit'! I'm sure it'll all be fine.

OP you sound delightful and funny, which is why he likes you no doubt. He fancies you, and he doesn't see you the way you see yourself. Trim your bush and give him a great ride

You sound sweet and funny - I'm not surprised he fancies you.

YY to a few glasses of wine before you do the deed.

Ok....here's my thoughts from a Mans perspective

He obviously likes you and has taken a long time to pluck up the courage to tell you. He may not have see you naked but he has seen you and clearly finds you attractive so I really wouldn't worry

As for sex....as others say don't focus on it too much, if it happens it happens. I am pretty sure he will be as nervous as you as when you really like someone you don't want to cock it up (no pun intended!). He will worry he will lose his erection probably but none of that is because he doesn't find you attractive.

Personally, if the evening looks like it is going that way then I would have a chat about how you are feeling. I guarantee he will be relieved to hear you say it and it will remove the pressure from both of you.

I wish you the best for this relationship, friendship for this time that has progressed to where you are now is a great start. Enjoy!

Hi OP, my exdh and I split up 18 months ago after a sexless marriage, and I was also very worried that I'd forgotten what to do. I was also worried that in the 13 years we'd been together that sex would have changed somehow, and that I wouldn't know about the new things people do during sex because we'd only occasionally have it with each other!

I'm happy to report that it hasn't changed

Also, I knew exactly what to do despite my fears and I look back at my worried self and think 'oh bless'.

As far as body confidence goes, try not to give your worries headspace. Easier said than done, I know. I was very self-conscious about a certain part of my anatomy (whispers, large labia minora) to the point I was considering surgery. Turns out nobody but me has a problem with it, and I've had numerous sexual partners in the last year.

Also, just because you're staying over doesn't mean you have to have sex. If it looks like he's hopeful for sex and you don't feel ready just tell him. If he's as lovely as you say then there should be no problem.

All the best OP, enjoy the excitement of a new relationship

I think it's entirely reasonable to be terrified (as you put it) at being naked in front of a man for the first time. The first time I get naked with a new partner I worry she'll think me too skinny (has been commented on, only after dtd though, never before), that my cock is too small (no complaints there, thankfully), that I won't rise to the occasion (never failed me yet), and that my oral skills aren't up to it (apparently they are. Or were, it's been a while).

I think once you get over the initial embarrassment (and I'm always embarrassed to be naked with someone for the first time, it's perfectly natural) you'll be fine. Enjoy yourself, you deserve it.

UPDATE......

[GRIN] I was worrying about nothing! Falling off a log and all that!

ah fail....

!

Yay! Great news OP. Love the seabiscuit comment!

This thread is fantastic! Very glad to see your update :D I was in exactly this position a couple of weeks ago OP, 8 years without DTD, bigger, wobblier, and far less confident than 8 years ago! But it was bloody wonderful, and a huge ego boost. Hope you continue to feel the benefits ;)

So do I! Ego boost is right isn't it. Nothing makes you feel sexier than a man who can't keep his hands off you!