How to get back in the habit?

[WhoahThereCrazyHorse]

Just read the thread about how much sex people have and am !!

I wondered if anyone might have any tips about getting back into the swing of things when out of the habit. Currently have sex about once a month. Both of us aware it needs to be more, but life gets in the way - young kids, long hours at work, other stuff. I tend to go to bed later, often DH is asleep - I've always had low sex drive and would happily go without, except when we do get round to it I enjoy it and think 'we should do that more often!'

No actual relationship problems I don't think, I am fatter than is like so feel fairly unattractive which is an issue, our sex life has always been very standard - I've wondered before if we should try and spice it up but tbh I'd be embarrassed to talk about it! Which is a bit weird given that we're 38, have 2 kids and have been together for 16 years.

I've actually been wondering about having counselling, as I can access a service through work.

Anyone out there got any wisdom/tips/been in the same situation?

Hi. I could have written what you wrote up there. We're in the same boat and I'm thinking of Relate sex therapy. I don't think we can do it by ourselves.

I hope someone comes along with some suggestions for us rumpler! Does your partner recognise it as an issue too and is he on board with the counselling idea? I'm sort of seeing it as my issue to deal with really - a big part of it being that I can't even find the right way to discuss it!! So I was thinking of just some talking counselling for me, with the hope that I'd then be able to find a way forward.

Of course, sometimes I think it should just be as simple as just fucking doing it. But I always seem to slow something else to get in the way...

allow not slow

My partner is a woman, and it's very difficult to discuss with her. She gets angry and defensive and blames pretty much anything you care to think of. If I didn't initiate I think we'd be completely sex-free as she never ever initiates. I'm almost beyond it now, to the point where I don't have any hope so I just go to bed - usually first - and I'm usually asleep by the time she joins me. I'm all pressed up at the edge of the bed as far away as I can get.

Who's the DH in your OP, if your partner is a woman?

I read an article once about a couple who committed to having sex daily for a year. It was hard work but they felt it was helpful. Perhaps a year's a tall order but maybe a fortnight? A month?

Oh hang about, my mumsnet colours were all messed up; it's not you with the female partner, OP, sorry!