No sex nor love in relationship

[hawklady]

For 4 years my DP has denied me any sex or even emotional intimacy. He still puts it about that he is my partner in public and everyone who meets us (we share the same social circle) thinks we are a couple. He has his own room and we sleep separately. My own self confidence has been so undermined, I can't go out and meet someone else. I have a very negative self image and have become defensively a tom boy when I'm on my own in social situations. I am so depressed that I have even deleted friends on FB who constantly wax lyrical about their fantastic gorgeous partners and how much they love them. How do I get out of this rut?

You don't have to go out and meet someone else. You can make the choice to be alone.

My relationship was like this. It was so damaging to my self esteem.
The problem lies with him not you. Whatever reason he has, it's not normal to have a relationship like this and it's not good enough.
Would you leave him?

Do you both own the home? If so can you make steps to sell?

Why bother carrying on with the pretend relationship? Leave and get your own mojo back.
How old are you both?

Sounds like an horrific situation I know it's corrosive at the lowest level but this is very much the extreme. Can I ask how did you end up in this position? What happened four years ago?

I couldn't cope with that situation. I think you have some big decisions to make

I am the one in my relationship who has the zero libido and this has contributed to my relationship breakdown (and I am now actively seeking to separate from DH). I haven't intentionally denied sex, it just does not operate as a major drive in my life. I suspect that the impact of this part of who I am is the thought that any future relationship is closed to me. Perhaps this is a fear that your partner has and so he is resisting the inevitable. However, I would advise you to acknowledge your needs and seek out what you need from life. The acknowledgement and beginning to be pro -active will put the spark back into your life.

It doesn't sound like there is any relationship at all to speak of.
What was it like before 4 years ago? Was it ever a good relationship?

It's not a relationship, sorry. What's stopping you leaving?

Do you have someone to confide in, irl?

I was in a similar relationship with the no sex and separate beds and the love left me after trying so hard and getting nothing in return. I left. It's true that there is nothing more lonely than being with someone in a relationship like that. Actually being alone was q breath of fresh air. Six years on I don't regret the decision to leave one single bit.