I am desperately hoping for some advice from mumsnetters who may have been through this and come out the other side so that I can attempt to save my relationship before it's too late.
Basically me and my partner have been together for over 10 years and have children together. We've always had mismatched sex drives in that mine is high and his is low but we've generally met in the middle with a few dry spells over the years.
Recently low sex drive has become no sex drive. We've had sex 1-2 times total this year and each time it's been a quick means to end with me not being allowed to touch him at all.
My partner was sexually abused and as a result has a fear of being touched sexually therefore our sex drive has always been very one sided other than rare occasions, however now he is not wanting sex at all and simply doesn't want to / doesn't feel in the mood etc. It's simply not important to him.
I'm the opposite and sex is very important to me. I struggle with mental health issues and don't handle rejection very well so am finding this really difficult. I feel old, fat and unattractive. I'm convinced my partner is refusing sex as they are repulsed by me but can't bear to tell me or I worry he is having an affair constantly. I'm so miserable I've sat and cried and I just can't cope anymore. I know he has issues around sex but this has only ever applied to touching him and now it seems like it's all changed.
I don't feel like we are a couple, we have a great relationship mostly but the lack of a sex life is destroying it. I feel so sad at times that we don't have a healthy sex life and frustrated that I am unable to touch my partner that I adore and am very attracted to.
I've considered affairs before but then it's not about having sex it's about being close and intimate with my partner I don't just want random sex I want it with him. This probably sounds awful but I'm at the point of walking away because I can't continue feeling so miserable and so rubbish about myself and I feel like without a sex life I'm not able to feel wanted or desired.
I'm struggling so much at the moment, it's a particularly low time in my life anyway as I'm starting some treatment for my mental health issues which I'm really worried about but I'm having constant nightmares about him cheating and I've become so paranoid. This paranoia is destroying us because I can't stop feeling like if he doesn't want to sleep with me he can't find me attractive as his past abuse didn't prevent this before (only when I touched him) so I'm convinced there is something else going on.
My partner knows I feel like this and says they are trying but they just don't feel that way, he doesn't get sexual urges, it never occurs to him to have sex and it's just not important. I feel like he doesn't even try however and just refuses to even see how things go as soon as it's on the agenda.
Please has anyone been in the same position and got though it that can offer some advice?