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Original poster

Man faking it?

27 replies

Lovemusic33 · 18/05/2016 12:24

Not sure why I'm writing this, slightly embarrassed writing here Blush

My dp doesn't always finish when we make love, sometimes this makes me quite frustrated and makes me feel like I must be rubbish in bed, it also frustrates him but he assures me that it's not me and it's a problem he has always had.

Last week he worked away for a couple nights and when he returned we obviously wanted to make up for the time we were apart but again I was disappointed, he got quite frustrated and we ended up arguing a little. Last night ( after a break from trying ) we tried again, he told me he had finished but I didn't feel him cum ( I usually do ), I kind of went along with it but ( sorry if TMI ) there was no evidence that he had cum when I got up to go to the loo. I am pretty sure he faked it and now I feel pretty upset about it Sad. I haven't said anything to him, should I say something?

He often says he feels like he has cum but he hasn't actually ejaculated so maybe this is what happened but surely he would have known?

OP posts:
wallybantersjunkbox · 18/05/2016 12:53

What happens if you just use your hand or oral?

Original poster
Lovemusic33 · 18/05/2016 13:16

I have only managed it twice with oral and a helping hand from him.

He seems to enjoy himself, has a high sex drive but just doesn't always finish. I think the fact I am now frustrated probably isn't helping him ( too much preasure on him ), I try not to let him see that I am unhappy but the past week or so it's been quite obvious that's I'm pissed off Grin.

OP posts:
wallybantersjunkbox · 18/05/2016 13:22

But do you need him to orgasm for you to?

Is there a possibility that he may masturbate beforehand to try and last longer for you, and then can't finish?

Sometimes my partner in the 2nd or 3rd go can't ejaculate but he enjoys it just as much.

If not then I'd suggest keeping calm, try not to get upset and suggest a docs appt?

Mov1ngOn · 18/05/2016 13:22

Mine is similar in not always finishing although he seems quite happy with it. I find it hard although I can't articulate why as he's attentive to me and obviously enjoys it but I feel I've failed somehow.

Similarly mine says he always been like it.

Mov1ngOn · 18/05/2016 13:24

We got testosterone tested but it wasn't that. He doesn't seem to worried. I guess I'd like the animalistic desire and being taken. It feels odd without an ending sometimes.

Original poster
Lovemusic33 · 18/05/2016 14:09

Yes, I think it just feels like we haven't finished. I have had many partners and he is the best in bed, he makes me orgasam every time ( no one else has been able too ), I guess it feels like he's not finding it as enjoyable as me. He rarely masterbates ( prefers someone else doing it ). He goes out of his way to make sure I'm having a good time, I would like to return the favour. Maybe I should try something different? He enjoys oral but this can take a long time.

OP posts:
Easybee7692 · 18/05/2016 19:40

Don't over think it. It's not really a big issue if he says it isn't.

Of the shoes were on the other foot, would you want him disappointed all the time and analysing it.

As long as you enjoy it and he says he does, I don't really think it's a major issue and it's a lot less messy!

Ughnotagain · 18/05/2016 19:49

Hmm I was going to suggest it might be too much masturbation (I had an ex who watched way too much porn) but that might not be it.

Can you try and just have some time together where the expectation isn't necessarily PIV/"finishing"? Might help get rid of some of the frustration/tension.

DrDreReturns · 19/05/2016 07:05

What contraception do you use? When I used condoms it took me ages to finish, if at all. It hasn't been an issue since I had a vasectomy. For me barrier methods reduced the sensitivity.

AnyFucker · 19/05/2016 07:11

you seem to be labouring under the impression that the only "real" sex is when a man ejaculates

why is this ?

JonSnowsBeardClippings · 19/05/2016 07:12

Well putting him under pressure and taking it personally isn't going to help Hmm
And if he's satisfied and you're satisfied why do you think sex isn't finished? Because the almighty penis hasn't spunked? Confused

Original poster
Lovemusic33 · 19/05/2016 07:41

I am on the pill so he's not using contraception, he doesn't watch porn or masterbate a lot.

Last night we spent longer on four play ( though he would rather get straight to it ) and when we eventually did the deed he did cum, not sure if this was due to the longer four play or just luck.

I know I shouldn't make a big deal about it and I try not to let him know I am disappointed, I tell him that it's ok and it doesn't matter.

OP posts:
wallybantersjunkbox · 19/05/2016 08:10

Don't be too harsh on the op, I like to give pleasure as much as receive, and it really turns me on and makes me satisfied to see my DP climax, why wouldn't the OP?

AnyFucker · 19/05/2016 09:38

Nobody is being harsh. Why shouldn't we all question the viewpoint that a man's orgasm is the Holy Grail ?

Op, has he ever sought medical advice ? He may have something like retrograde ejaculation where he is orgasming but the "result" (as it were) is not apparent externally.

Bugsylugs · 19/05/2016 23:50

Is he on any medication?

GinAndSonic · 21/05/2016 20:27

I'm a woman. For a long time I couldbt orgasm. My lovely boyfriend really wanted me to "enjoy sex fully" and couldn't get his head around me enjoying it without orgasm. For all he was really trying to help me and coming from a caring place, I ended up feeling like a project, and like I was disappointing him. Go carefully with how you talk about and deal with this.

Original poster
Lovemusic33 · 27/05/2016 10:12

Thank you for your posts, he is on medication, I will have a look online to see if it effects performance Grin.

Sometimes he cums 2 or 3 days in a row and will then go a week not being able too ( we do it most nights/mornings ). It happened again last night and the night before and I didn't make a big deal out of it, again he said 'it feels like he is cumming but nothing comes out' Hmm, he still seems to be enjoying his self and it's not as though he doesn't want to do it.

OP posts:
Osirus · 27/05/2016 15:39

Definitely the best course of action is not to make a big deal out of it. My DP can be like this on the very odd occasion and he says the same thing. It doesn't matter and still enjoyed it regardless. I understand the disappointment though as I want him to enjoy it as much as I do. You can't force the issue though and in focusing on it will only make it worse.

Sadandfedup72 · 27/05/2016 16:10

Mines said he doesn't always cum but believe me I know for sure he is enjoying it regardless so I no longer worry about it. When he does it's amazing but it's not the be all.

Mov1ngOn · 28/05/2016 15:54

Ah most nights and mornings - now I'm envious!

BlackCoffeeTime · 05/07/2016 08:16

Op, you said that with more foreplay he was fine. That's it exactly. Getting hard is easy, getting your brain in gear (which is what actually matters) takes longer.
Or just ask him?

WeAreEternal · 05/07/2016 15:21

DH sometimes struggles to come, I would say probably half the time we have sex he can't climax, it's only frustrating when he gets close but can't reach it.
It doesn't bother me at all, I love to make him come but I know it's nothing to do with me if he can't and I know he still enjoys the sex just as much.

But we have been together a long time and we are very close, we have a lot of sex and really enjoy it and each other.

KittensandKnitting · 05/07/2016 15:31

I don't think this is about the mans orgasam being the holy grail, it's about both getting the ultimate pleasure well that's what I would feel like and have felt like with DP.

My DP did have to take some medication for a short while and he couldn't Orgasam nothing would/could make it happen and it got more and more frustrating for him, so he might want to check medication - DP was
like it for about a fortnight in total and made him so unhappy it was awful.

Dacc · 05/07/2016 15:32

Really personal and terrible question - are you a bit "loose" and is he a bit "small"

Sounds like a lack of friction issue to me.

WeAreEternal · 05/07/2016 22:03

Not necessarily Dacc
DH is blessed in that respect and I was a teenage virgin when we started having sex (so far from 'loose') and it has always been something he has had.

We don't consider it to be a problem or an issue though, it doesn't affect us or our sex life, we still have an incredible sex life.

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