what a mess

[Mareseatoats]

Have NC for obvious reasons.

So, I've seen on TV & films (and even have a vague memory of a stand up routine referencing) the phenomenon of semen remaining in the vagina after sex and later coming shooting out like a little uncontrollable wee when the woman's just innocently going about her day to day life.

But after I have sex it all comes straight back out and trickles down to my ass (if I'm on my back). The end of sex usually involves a frantic scramble for tissues to clean up. I've never seen that in a movie.

Anyone else? Or is there something structurally wrong with me?

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Ah! You mean the Map of Madagascar

It happens to everyone I would imagine. To be honest I didn't think anyone would not have referred to the oddly shaped semen stain on the bedsheets as anything other than the map of [insert name of island here]

Panic not!

You never find anyone farting or getting caught up in the duvet or falling off the bed either. It's not real life!!!!

People fart in films all the time.

So what's the thing about it coming out ages later? Does that actually happen to some women or is that a fiction?

I've never, ever seen a TV or film reference to semen coming out later. What film/show was that in?

If you're falling off the bed during, BlueUggs, I totally envy the enthusiasm of your zig-a-zig-ha. It's a polite wriggle around the centre of the bed for us, usually.

I have a vague sense of having seen it in various shows but can't for the life of me think which ones. There was a Billy Connolly routine for sure.

So are we saying it's not a thing? Did I make it up?

Are you sure its all his stuff? Could it be your own?

I will never forget the time i was on holidays and met a man who i ended up sleeping with (condom on!) I had loads of fake tan on all over because i am very pale and the next morning discovered a lovely brown patch on the sheet. I managed to convince him it was my tan but he was sharing with several mates and i'm not sure any of them were buying it. I was mortified. It genuinely was tan that came off with my own fluids.

It's all to do with the placement of your cervix. Mine is high which creates a kind of shelf at the top back of my vagina. This gathers semen, which does release itself over the course of the following day.

Doesn't stop the immediate fecking wet patch though.

JustLost - ugh that's brutal. I'm pretty sure it's mostly him. I don't think I produce much volume....?

Cauliflower - ahh that's really helpful. I apparently have an anterior tilt to my cervix; perhaps that's the opposite of your thing. Does your shelf give you a reproductive advantage, do you think, if you're storing all that sperm nearer your uterus?

Yes I've had the delayed release thing too.

Although it only happens with bath water these days spinster

We do a post-coital bed-dance, which involves a shuffle, wriggle,shuffle towards the tissues at side of bed!
Worse is the constant wet sticky feeling for the remainder of the day - yack.

Urgghh. When you've had a lovely bath afterwards, made breakfast, gone out, done the shopping...and then you sneeze!

OP me too. Retroverted cervix here. Not good at getting pregnant. As soon as he pulls out I put my hand there to catch it, the grab tissues to clean up. The to the loo to squeeze the rest out and wash my hands. No romantic post coital cuddles here!!

I might have a sex towel. Maybe. I might also go to sleep with it wedged in there.

It doesn't stay long in me, but I do get very lubricated when I'm 'interested' so that seems to wash it out.
Makes a very big wet patch though :(

Ugh never fails to amaze me,
Always happens at the most awkward moment..
Can be hours & a couple of showers later, boom it just all falls out !!!

I hold it in for later suprise release.

I might be like shuckleberryfinn too

Use a condom - problem solved

This happened to my friend while she was in Sainsbury's - she was wearing a shortish skirt and a thong so there was nothing to soak it up. She was stranded by the fish fingers while the leavings from the previous night's encounter made its way down her bare thighs

Sex towel here too

We both work shifts so more often than not we dtd at odd times of the day when one of us is getting up afterwards to go to work. For practical reasons we adopted the pull-out method (not as a method of contraception before anyone jumps on that) which has worked well for us for years. There's still a mess to clean up, but it's a lot easier to wipe off your tummy or boobs than end up with a map of Madagascar (must look that up, no idea what Madagascar actually looks like!). Plus you can cuddle afterwards without lying in a yukky puddle.

The Vag-Vom, yep definitely had that! Although, like TooShy, mine only tends to be bath water these days.

This is what 'jizz tits' is for.

Otherwise, a carefully timed cough should do it.