no sex drive at all - how do I get it back

[JJRJ1002]

Hi all,

I had a baby 6 months ago and since the birth I never want to have Sex with my DP. We have only had sex twice since we had our DD and I feel so bad on my DP because I feel I am slacking in that department - he is very respectful and understanding about it and never pushes the situation. We used to have a very healthy sex life and I used to want sex often but now I really hate the thought of it let alone actually doing it. I don't feel a bit sexy anymore and I feel my body, down there, has changed and I just don't feel comfortable. But I don't want this to carry on - I want that connection again with my DP- so many times I say to myself that I'm going to make the effort but then I don't. How do I push myself? How do I feel more sexy? How do I increase my sex drive? I really don't have the answers to these questions so if u have any advise I would be very grateful. X

It can take a while for it to return your body has been through a lot your energy is sapped by looking after a baby and its hard to switch from that mum feeling iyswim. Plenty of non sexual cuddles and spending time with your partner might help it to return

Speak to your gp though dont just accept it as normal

6 months isn't very long.
There are so many contributing factors such as breastfeeding, sleepless nights, a feeling like you have lost your figure, feeling like you are a "mum" not a "hot mama" all these things are normal.

You want your sex back. This is a huge part of getting it back. You are already half way there.

Communication is key. I'm sure just saying to your partner how much you miss sex would be a kickstarter.

Having sex leads to a desire for more of it. So not saying you'll be guaranteed multiple orgasms right away, but doing it does build your appetite.
Start with some sensual lubes, lacy feminine lingerie, anything that makes you feel more sensual will boost your confidence and will boost your libido.

Thank you for your replies.
We do have lots of cuddles and kisses and tell each other we love each other- so we have definitely kept up the affection side which is nice. I just need to try to not worry about everything else more like the baby, the housework etc and try and make an effort. But I will also chat to the GP aswell.
I have told my DP how I feel about sex at the moment and he is understanding and isn't pressuring at all.
I have thought about sexy underwear etc to help me feel more sexy but I think it will have the opposite effect and make me feel really stupid and even more self conscious- if that's even possible.
But I think the key is to push myself, I just don't want to keep on letting time pass without getting that part of our relationship back on track. X

Have you tried books on the topic? I found that helped me after I had my second DC with then DH. It was something like sex for the shy woman or along those lines

Are you breastfeeding op? Unfortunately the hormones needed for breastfeeding are often the opposite to the ones needed for a second drive! Many women I know talk about their raging appetite when they stop breastfeeding.

Also: masturbation, masturbation, masturbation. Whilst men in general tend to have a reasonably steady sex drive (eg, they always want it every day, or always want it once a week, etc), women tend to want more sex the more sex (orgasms!) they have. Contrarily the less sex they have, the less they want it. This is obviously very generic.

So, masturbating will help your body re-learn to want more sex, and also, it will make it about you and pleasuring yourself and rediscovering your sexual side in a way that isn't performance based or laden with DHs expectations / needs (he sounds lovely). You will feel sexier which will help with DH.

Good luck!