Inappropriate fantasies about H's colleague

[Anonforagoodreason]

First of all, I promise I'm not a troll. My normal username is one I use on a couple of different forums and after reading the Matthew Wright thread yesterday, I am paranoid!

DH and I have a fine, if a bit vanilla sex life. I'd like to spice it up a bit but he's reticent. Since having the kids we've dwindled a bit, I lost my sex drive for a while, but now it's come back with a vengeance. I've discovered free kindle erotica and it's made a huge difference.

DH has a colleague who is lovely, but I've never even considered him sexually before. He's early 50's, same height as me (5ft 4) and very slim (I'm not!) I normally go for tall well built men. He's helped us a lot with a project and so he's been at our house regularly. Never ever thought of him as anything but a friend. He's a single parent who is seeing someone on and off, but they don't seem very happy (according to what he's said, I've never met her).

Anyway, on Friday me, DH and him went to see a show that ended up being a lot more risqué than any of us realised, and we all had a few drinks. All of a sudden I fancied the pants off him. I think we were all a bit hot under the knickers after the show and a bit tiddly. We were walking back together and there suddenly seemed to be a sexually charged atmosphere between us. I was walking between the two men and his hand kept brushing mine, and, well, I could see he was turned on. Of course, absolutely nothing happened, we said goodnight and headed off. DH got the benefit that night though!

But since then, I have been having the most graphic and inappropriate fantasies about him. Ive been imagining a threesome with him and DH. Just thinking about him makes me horny. DH has noticed this and is pretty pleased, as he's getting lots of sex. But it seems wrong to be fantasising about his colleague. If he told me he was fantasising about one of my friends during sex I'd be really hurt.

What do I do to get him out of my head? Nothing will ever happen between us, he is a really decent man that has had a rough time with women, his ex wife shafted him and he is intensely loyal to his mates. I can't see either of them going for a threesome ;-) I also imagine that next time I see him without the booze and erotica he will seem - well - certainly not the lover of my fantasies.

Is it ok to fantasise about people you know as long as it stays in your head? It's driving me a bit insane!

I think a lot of people do this from time to time, your husband probably does as well. I really wouldn't worry about it as long as it stays in your head.

Isn't that the point of fantasies? If you're thinking about something you've done it's a memory - if you intend to do it it's a plan As long as it's in your head (your husband is getting the benefit)

I think the problem for me is I'm thinking about him a lot during the day and it feels a bit intense and all consuming; I've not been affected like this before. I've had crushes when I've been single and I compare it a bit to that feeling. I've fantasized about other people, usually celebs, during sex, but not really thought of them at any other point. I feel a bit ridiculous if I'm honest, I'm far too old to be having silly crushes on RL people!

Why do you want to get this out of your head? Seems like you and DH are benefiting, so why worry.

I do find it interesting that your sex drive is soaring, you went to a risque show, there was sexual energy going on, you were thinking about a threesome... looks life life is changing for you op :)

Interesting points Eekaman! Things have definitely changed sexually for the better recently. At one point about 2 years after our last child was born I was in despair - I had a really high sex drive pre kids and, tbh, the thought of sex with anyone was repugnant for about a year. DH was very kind about it, and I steeled myself and went through the motions every so often, but it was clear he was missing the fun we used to have. Gradually I got more interested, but it was still just a nice thing to do every so often, but not necessary. Now it's like someone's flicked a switch and I've gone into overdrive. I'm really happy I feel like a sexual being again, but the erotic fantasies are all consuming and I'm not getting much else done during the day...

I have to ask -- it seems to be quite a turnaround libido-wise and I know many struggle with that on here. Did the erotica really have such a dramatic effect?

I don't know what it is Devonshire! I was (ahem) quite rampant pre kids,then I had 3 pregnancies in 5 years, breast fed on and off for 7 and put loads of weight on. I just had zero desire for sex, didn't fancy ANYONE and, tbh, if my DH had looked elsewhere for sex I wouldn't have blamed him (he didn't). I don't know what's had such a drastic effect, I don't know whether it's the thrill of fancying someone forbidden at a time when maybe all the pesky baby related hormones have finally exited my system, whether I've been trying to regain a sense of personal identity after being just a mum for so long. We've had some couples counselling recently about communication issues, maybe the fact I feel listened to again is helping? But I am struggling to find a happy medium, I am delighted to enjoy sex again, I'd just like not to be as obsessed as I am currently. I've even just ordered a load of new sex toys, will see what DH thinks... I talked to me about some of my fantasies and he wasn't turned off, a bit unsure perhaps but hopefully we can use the stories even if we don't turn them into RL acts. Obviously I didn't mention his colleague! The erotica has definitely helped. I did try looking at porn but it just doesn't do much for me, I much prefer the images I create from stories. Try it! Hope it helps

Thanks for adding to the picture....seems like a lot has come together at once which has put the spotlight back in this area. Great news for you!

As for the DH colleague I'd take whatever works for you from it. Nothing wrong about it and I guess your DH will benefit!

Best wishes

No such thing as an "inappropriate fantasy". It's only behaviour that can be "inappropriate".

What happens in your head, stays in your head. Enjoy.

IMO fantasy is one of the greatest gifts of having an evolved brain