Painful sex after CB.

[Junosmum]

DS is 3.5 months. He was born after a long labour with forceps and I've been left with incontinence and damaged pelvic floor muscles.

At first I felt awful, fat, flabby and dirty. But since talking to DH I've been getting better and we've managed to have sex twice. The first time (9 weeks after birth) hurt a bit initially but got better and in the end was Ok, the second time (12 weeks), it hurt a bit initially but the pain just got worse and worse until it was unbearable and we had to stop. We haven't tried it since.

I've got an appointment with gynaecology in a month to look at the other issues. But in the meantime I was hoping to get sex better! Our sex life had died off a bit, pre-pregnancy and we were both looking forward to ttc however I got pregnant first go (yay) and the morning sickness plus pregnancy hormones means I can count on my fingers how many times we've had sex in the last year.

I don't know what to do. I feel like at 30 my life is over- no sex, continence pads, fat and flabby. I'm breastfeeding which isn't helping the weight loss!

Help

I can't offer advice on the gynaecology ..but I can say that it was two years after baby before I got my ' body' back but I did :-) so be patient .. underwear helps ..
And I'm not saying my marriage was sexless for two years but it was definitely affected by babies and breastfeeding.
I wouldn't change a thing or try to speed up the process.
Just be mindfull that the situation.you are in now won't last forever

You post struck a chord as I felt my life was over when DS1 was about that age (I was 27, I'm 43 now). Id had a forceps delivery, uterine infection, infected stitches... Not good. With hindsight I was totally wrong. we went through a long time of no sex then only having non-penetrative sex, but it did get better.

It's totally normal for it to take months (or years) to physically and emotionally recover from childbirth. Breastfeeding also plays havoc with your libido, mine disappeared. It's good you are getting help with the gynae issues. Try and be kind to yourself. Take PIV sex off the menu for a while , there are other things you can do to be intimate....

I would day after such a traumatic birth it's still very early days. See the GP to double check everything is as it should be and in the meantime there's plenty of other stuff you can do while you heal

Hey
Just wanted to offer support. I had a section so you'd think id have been fine but I had painful sex foe quite a few months after cb and that's without anything coming out of me! Fo easy on yourself and be encouraged that it will get better

I'm so sorry you're having such a rough time. I had a third degree tear with mine (suction cup delivery with episiotomy). Was in agony for six weeks (constant painkillers) then developed a fissure so was on laxatives for the first 6 months post partum, which led to urgency issues. Sex was so painful I cried for the first six months. I has got back to normal 18 months later but it took time. If I were you I'd just take penetration off the table for the next 6 months to let the area heal, and explore other options, and maybe when you're ready try yourself with a small vibrator until it feels ok, so no pressure from partner. And maybe talk to GP about antidepressants / counselling and get referred to woman's health physio of you haven't been already.

Talk to your dr be assertive don't let anyone dysmiss you
Friend has been DAMAGED so sirously during cb that never was able to have just normal life again and it's been 6 years for her and now it's to late !!
Healthy normal woman have been destroyed in one night permanently

greypink, that's not helpful and the person it's happened to needs encouragement to get medical help.

OP, as PP mentioned, you should get a referral to a specialist women's physio - they are an amazing resource. You don't have to sort this out on your own, and you will get better.

Going to be very honest and say that after a very similar birth to yours it took me about a year to get back to normal. 3.5 months was very, very early recovery wise. I was still in a lot of pain then and it only started to taper off about the 6-9 month mark. (I did visit a gyne too as I was concerned and they said everything was healing well). I think the media makes people think 6 weeks is all it takes to recover but for a lot of people it takes much longer.

I had scar tissue that needed sorting out before sex stopped hurting...they put silver nitrate on it to shrivel it a bit. All good now ;)

Footle it was not my intention to be not helpful
first and foremost awareness

Hopefully OP would get the proper medical help and recover quickly