Talking or leaving

[Eeyore777]

Hi,

I have posted a couple of times about our lacking sex life and received some brilliant advice from other members- with an overwhelming message to just talk things through with him. In a nutshell, we have been married 3 years, together 10 years and no intercourse for the last 6 years. Yes, you read that right.
I know I shouldn't need to ask this but basically need some advice on how to talk to him. He is such an easy going, relaxed kind of person that he will not have a heart to heart... 'Oh it'll be fine', 'don't worry' etc etc. I have never managed to bring the sex thing up per-se but am so scared that when I do he almost won't care enough to do anything about it. It's just making me so depressed I am considering whether I need to leave entirely. I love this man but feel as though I am getting nothing and am desperate for more depth. How do I talk to him so he understands how serious this is??
Thanks in advance, any suggestions most welcome!
Holly Xxx

I think the only thing you can do is to be completely honest and tell him how upset you are about the situation, that you really love him but that things need to change for you to be happy. Ask him how he feels, there might be an issue for him to get to the bottom of.. lack of self confidence for example. Good luck and let us know how it goes 💐

Hi op

It might be the case that he feels the same way wouldn't that be a kicker, but if he bats away your concerns with trite comebacks, counter them with yes or no answers.

Are you happy
Do you want need sex
Do you love me etc

Good luck

Just wondering why you got married if no sex for 3 years?

And you can get an annulment if the marriage hasn't been consummated. Just talk to him. Sit down, deep breath and then tell him how you feel. If you don't then nothing is going to change. He may feel similar?

How about "I don't want to be in a sexless relationship as it's making me miserable, so either we sort it, or I will leave". Then move out if he does not take it seriously, after all, he's got 6 years of evidence to back up his view that you will put up with it more-or-less indefinitely. If you really mean it, you will have to act on it.

Are you sure he isn't fulfilling himself in other ways?

I'm automatically assuming he has a porn/masturbation habit, sorry. Prepared to be told I'm wrong, of course but if there is a porn/masturbation habit, these things are very hard to break through.

You have both become accustomed over a period if 6 years into a sexless relationship. This is going to be fairly hard to undo but not impossible.

Consider laying down an ultimatum, or try couples counselling, sex councelling, do something serious.

It's all very good advise regarding "Just talk to him" sure... But it's time for more action. I expect you have mentioned it before, but now you need to mention it and mean it because it obviously means something to you.

Do you have any other sexual relations aside from intercourse?