how to tell him

[sadwifey]

Hi
Only recently discovered this board, am usually an aibu regular but that's probably not the place for my question

So bit of background, been with hubby 8 years, married 3. Sex life decreased over time to slightly less than we both might like but work commitments and life in general got in the way, and was usually me too tired or not in the mood

Seems to have evened out lately as hubby has been unwell and we just kind of haven't.

Now I don't know if it's because the 'pressures off' or a coincidence but recently I've been getting pretty horny, having rude dreams etc and basically up for it!

Now here's where I feel terrible, hence posting on anonymous Internet forum under a name change

I've realised I don't want to make a move on husband due to his personal hygiene, or lack of. I also don't know how to tell him without hurting his feelings as I realise part of the reason he isnt taking care of himself is he is clinically depressed and already beats himself up over lots of negative thoughts he has (taken 18 months for psych referal Appointment in 2 months)

He doesn't brush his teeth regularly and doesn't wash all the time. I've realised where we used to 'snog' (sorry childish word but can't describe it otherwise ) ALL THE time. I used to love kissing for aggeeeesss and now find myself either avoiding it, or even if we kiss I'm not in the mood for more as it puts me off.

I know part of this is his depression, and right now he probably isn't bothered if we don't have sex, but I have needs, and satisfying myself doesn't always cut it

I know you'll say talk to him, I'd say the same if I read my post, but HOW. I feel terrible even writing this but I miss having sex

I would make it about both of you, not just him; ie: something along the lines of "we've both let our love / sex life slip over the past few months and probably let ourselves go a bit too, but I really want to reconnect, so if we both make a little effort, let's see if we can't get back on track". Then hopefully he won't feel it's his fault (even if it is).
To drive the specific hygiene points home, perhaps suggest a sexy bath or shower and then compliment him on his sweet-smelling, clean-shaven, freshly-brushed self and tell him how much that turns you on.
Hopefully, if he sees the carrot (no pun intended) of renewed bedroom fun, he'll be keen to continue the effort to please?

Thank you, it's reassuring to hear. I can do the whole 'let's shower together' it's been a while but used to be a regular thing, but how do I get from there to 'err what about brushing your teeth' I feel so ridiculous having to ask but I don't want to upset him when he's in such a low state in general

Hmm, tough one.
You could buy him a fancy new electric toothbrush or something as encouragement, but God knows how you'd get him to actually use it. Not quite as easy as the bath, to suggest a 'sexy teeth cleaning session' together , is it?... :)

Go and have your shower. Get out. "Mmm. Don't take too long with your shower. I'm feeling rampant. I love it when you're all clean and minty. Makes me feel HOT!!"