Lighthearted chat about intimacy...

[clashofclanswidow]

General chat about dtd...

One reason an ex recently gave me for seperating was that we weren't intimate enough. I'm actually 32 weeks pregnant so must be the next Virgin Mary

But...the times he complained of lack of intimacy, we were still dtd once a week...that's as a minimum...towards the end of a 6 year relationship?! Through pregnancy and with a toddler, he was lucky to be getting anything with how knackered/sick I was in first trimester!

I read here on mumsnet, people who haven't done it for months or even years so I hardly feel sorry for him now but he made me feel like a bad lover!!

He complained he always initiated it...but the more I think about it now the weeks have gone on, the more I chuckle to myself because isn't it just that women take more "warming up" than men?

So really it isn't that we don't want to initiate it...just that it actually takes more than up and off we go iyswim? So it might feel to them like they always have to initiate it because there's more work involved? (Not that I was ignorant to his needs etc)

Also not saying I wasn't lazy - he prob did take more control than me but isn't it also more "obvious" when they're ready for it?

He jumped into a new relationship with someone else straight away so I have no doubts they weren't dtd 3 times a night and he suddenly has his eyes opened rolls eyes

But yeah, just a light-hearted chin wag about what you'd expect it to mean if someone said you weren't being intimate anymore from a sexual pov, I don't mean cuddles, hearts and flowers if anyone cares to share or has had this experience?

I think intimacy is /can be different to dtd.

Intimacy is cuddling in bed, chatting while one of you is in the bath, not hiding your true self.

Whereas dtd can be a bonk for fun, lust, an intense bonding experience, or a way to pass the afternoon.

But I would expect I'd interpret it as 'not enough shagging ' rather than a lack of late night chats

I find it a bit suspicious when someone who gets sex leaves thier partner by blaming them for not giving them enough sex, then jumps straight in with someone new. It sounds a bit like they were dipping their toes into new waters already, and looking for an excuse.

Anyway, to me intimacy problems arise when one or both gets lazy, such as always only wants to do the same thing, can't be bothered with foreplay or a cuddle afterwards, can't be bothered to compliment you and you end up in a routine that's taken for granted!

Intimacy should mean listening to the other person's desires and fancies, and for me if I'm not in the mood I just give a BJ. Keeps the intimacy alive!

Btw, it's not this guy who got you to 32 wks pg was it??

Intimacy is not the same as being intimate, in my eyes.
I have intimacy with my DH, last night we cuddled, almost naked in the sofa, before going to bed, to sleep. We haven't had sex in weeks, at night I am too tired and we have a small boy who is up very early. Whenever we have mornings together, we do the deed.
Being intimate with him is lovely, but it is rare.
I do get grumpy and irritable when we are not having intimacy, I'd no cuddling, holding hands or kissing.
Your ex sounds like a twat.
Pregnant and a small child, and once a week nookie? Bloody lucky. For you both.

Interesting POV, thanks all - I have often wondered if it was just a lame excuse to leave and part of a "script" he would say this really.

Feeling a bit better that it really wasn't my fault at least!