Tell me how to seduce my husband please!

[WestYorkshireGirl]

DH and I been going through a dry spell for about 6 months now. Usual suspects - 5YO DD, work full time, get snippy with each other and don't communicate as well as we should, knackered, different bedtimes etc. I am really feeling the loss of intimacy and emotional connection plus I feel undesired . He says his desire hasn't waned but that when I am grumpy he doesn't feel inclined to pounce and when he is in the mood I am tired or sometimes it just doesn't happen eg too late to bed. Have tried sending flirty texts and suggesting things could happen that evening to get us both in the mood but that sometimes feels contrived. If I don't do anything and we just get ready for bed, nothing happens then either as he usually falls asleep quickly. I fancy him and have told him so and asked him to maybe start kissing a bit more or showing affection through the day and I am trying to do this more too but not having any success. No sex since early Jan and would really like something to happen but think the more I talk about it to him maybe the more pressured he feels. He says he doesn't feel it's a problem and it will happen when it happens. Fairly certain he doesn't have any underlying health issues. We have been together 20 yrs, married for nearly 16 and whilst we have had periods of no sex before they have been relatively short lived. Tonight it was looking promising as we were in bed for 10 but he started with stomach pains and has fallen sleep so here I am feeling disappointed for another evening...
Do I need to seduce him more or back off? How can I get things started again and stop feeling dissatisfied ? Any ideas appreciated!

I would suggest a foundation laying course.
Take sex off the table, forget it, don't even mention it. Spend time getting close, watch a movie together once a week. Maybe have a date or two where there's no children. Work on getting you and him closer and get the lines of communication open. Remind each other that you're not parents, you're still people, friends and lovers.

Take tje pressure off ypurself and him and hopefully the sexploits will return.

"He says he doesn't feel it's a problem and it will happen when it happens."

Translation: even though you've told him you're unhappy about it, he doesn't care and can't be bothered to make the effort. Nice!

I would be pissed off by his attitude tbh.

However I suggestion you work on the general relationship issues first - improve communication, be less snippy/grumpy with each other, try and share childcare and chores fairly so there isn't resentment, and maybe get a babysitter from time to time so you can have dates. If you're kinder to each other and spend a bit of quality time you will probably both be naturally more in the mood for physical affection and intimacy. If not there might be a bigger problem.

*suggest

Thanks for those suggestions - they all make sense . Guess I am just feeling impatient! Find it hard to remember what things were like without our DD and we don't get out much due to having very little support re family nearby etc. Just sometimes feels like we were different people then and I can't imagine getting back to that.. But I am sure we can if we both try.

It's hard once kids come along. Very different I find.

Sounds like he is purposely backing away from you currently so you maybe need to back off a bit for now and suggest doing non sexual things together to build the intimacy.

Be kind to each other. Small little touches as you pass each other. Hand holding etc Build up to the sex.

Tbh I would just sit on him, straddling and kiss his face off then push his hand down (if he's into it) next time you're watching telly or whatever once the kid is in bed. Once you're in bed with a young DD then often you're both really more interested in sleep than anything else. Trick is getting in there earlier. If he's not into it then maybe you need to talk about it a bit more?

We found we were both tired and he was more of a morning person while I preferred evening as I could go to sleep snuggled up. We now set the alarm for 2am - he's had a few hours sleep and I've got a few hours to sleep afterwards. It did the trick for us!

Thanks for the suggestions there - 2am - wow, dedication!

Can you have a break? I find DH is tired when it is term time - he is a Deputy Head- and we have a 15 month old DS. We manage it once through the week at the minute and at weekends. But when he is off work, he perks up no end. I think it us a combination of no stress, more sleep and we have more time for each other.
It is Easter holidays and we have been going for a lie down when Dd has his afternoon nap. Sometimes we just have a cuddle and chat or sleep but sometimes we have sex and a snooze afterwards. It is having the time without work pressure that helps.
Would a weekend away help? Where you just had a bit of time for each other. Or just going out one night to have something to eat together and walking home. We do that and walk home holding hands or cuddled up. By the time we get home we have always had a few kisses and are feeling romantic.
Laughing together always works with us as well. If we have lots of laughs it always feels like we are closer and in a better place.