Length of sex / being able to climax multiple times?

[naicehamnamechanger]

I only just only just realised there is a sex topic now and have hastily name changed to ask others about this.

I love having sex and usually come pretty easily/quickly. However, once I have come I find it very difficult to build up to another orgasm.

DP on the other hand loves delaying his orgasm and can carry on for ages. He is much more into experimentation/trying out different positions than I am.

This results in me wishing he would just come once I have, but him really wanting to carry on and being determined to make me come again. Which I can do very occasionally but not that often. Most of he time I end up carrying on to please him rather than myself. However, is that just part of the compromise of being in a relationship with someone with slightly different sexual tastes?

I am just really interested to know if I am the only one who finds it hard to come more than once, or whether anyone has had similar experiences / ways of dealing with this.

I don't orgasm every time and when I do I don't experience multiple times. Only ever experienced MO's once, and not with DP.
I think it's a case of that old classic. Everyone's different.

Part of the compromise of differing needs is to talk to each other so you both get a bit of what you want that the other person is happy to participate in.
It sounds like this is all one-sided. He is taking what he wants, probably thinking you are enjoying it and he is being an attentive lover, and you find it irritating. How is he supposed to know that you have had enough?
Talk to him. Maybe you could delay your climax longer so you can enjoy a longer session. Maybe you could agree to alternate between long and short sessions. Compromise goes both ways.

I only ever orgasm once. That works for me. I do enjoy delaying it though, it makes the whole experience far more intense.

To come several time IME you need to do a different thing that made you come the first time.

If first time is with fingers change to oral or vice versa, or use a toy.

Think I just broke my sex topic cherry there

"Most of he time I end up carrying on to please him rather than myself."

Please don't do this, OP.

I'd also like to point out that multiple orgasms are not requirements, and really work best when both partners are loving doing what they're doing.

Youre going to have to say something arent you. You cant just keep on pretending youre enjoying it after youve already come. Maybe talk to him about it at a time when youre not having sex

Or find some tactful way of telling him to hurry up that doesnt ruin the whole thing

or try to delay your own orgasm a bit. I mean you probably wouldnt like it if he came quickly and then lost interest before youd got yours either.
When you say ages, how long do you mean?

I definitely have to say something, but what I struggle with is finding the balance between what gatewalker says, ie I shouldn't carry on having sex to please him, but what Branleuse points out, I wouldn't like it if he came quickly before me and totally lost interest...

I think I am too quick. Like, not counting foreplay, probably in 5 minutes, or 10 if I am delaying or not particularly in the right physical mood. It's harder to estimate for DP because it's not like I'm timing things, but I feel like he'd be very happy with 45m-1 hr. Though the average is probably more like 30m. Which doesn't seem long at all typed out, but it feels it sometimes!

OK, what is actually 'average' or 'reasonable' or whatever in terms of length of time? I have no idea, having had few sexual partners in my life.

I definitely need to try to delay more, I find it difficult - I know it's weird talking about this on mumsnet, but does anyone have any tips?

Part of the problem is also honesty, I find it hard to be direct with DP about it, though have made lots of individual remarks he hasn't added it all up to mean that generally I would rather just come once than try for more and more. I am also worried that we just have a really fundamental difference in terms of him wanting to be a lot more adventurous than me, which makes me scared to talk about it in terms of what it could mean for our sexual compatibility.

The ridiculous thing is that he is an extremely attentive lover and very concerned with what I want, my pleasure etc...I just don't always have the heart to tell him that to please me we'd be doing less not more, because I know he is into the 'more'...

Sigh.

It is actually really weird typing all of this out on mumsnet. Anyway.

naice - I'm going to recommend a book to you. I think it'll be a bit of an eye-opener in terms of what your body is capable of, and - probably more relevant for you - the different routes to pleasure.

Generally, we are all so orgasm-focussed that we forget there's so much pleasure to be had in simply touching, playing, experimenting, and not having to rush to the finish line.

You don't have start sexual contact with the intention of climaxing as soon as possible. In fact, I suggest you avoid that. You do not have to take responsibility for your partner during sex; but you have the right to take full responsibility for yourself and your own pleasure.

Ask for what you want; take your time; orgasm is not the be-all-and-end-all; what you're looking for is your partner to be fully aware of, and present with, you, and you with him. If he can't do that, then a good sign you're on the right track is that he'll keep trying until he can. If he won't do that, then find yourself a better lover. (Best bet: start with yourself.)

Book: Women's Anatomy of Arousal by Sheri Winston.

On my own I can only come once and it takes about 5 minutes - I'm just too efficient! With DP he will spend an hour or so touching me in different ways, gently, spanking, fingers inside and out, kissing and dirty talk, making me come several times before the final massive can't-take-any-more orgasm. It can be up to 20 times sometimes.

This is not something I've experienced with anyone else, so whether it's an age thing, chemistry/compatibility or just his amazing skills I have no idea. Fwiw, he says he has always been a very selfish lover and it was all about his pleasure with previous partners, so I don't think it's the latter.

After I'm done it's his turn, as he doesn't want to be that guy who comes and then falls asleep, so he won't let me do too much to him until I've finished! By that time, I'm pretty much over it on a sexual basis, i.e. I've already had my fun, so this doesn't turn me on as such, but I'm more than happy to do it, as he has spent so much time and attention on me and I really joy being able to give him pleasure without the distraction of my own.

Because we each have our own portion of time to receive and to give, we can really focus on each other. I think there's a lot to be said for that and might be one reason we are still both very into each other after 3.5 years together.

i think I am too quick. Like, not counting foreplay, probably in 5 minutes...

Interested by the 'not counting foreplay'... Surely the foreplay is key to the time. If foreplay is long and enjoyable beforehand, 5 minutes doesn't seem especially quick at all! Isn't the average start to finish time for sex (including foreplay!) under 10 minutes!

Actually average length of coitus is 5-7 minutes apparently...

I find it annoying sometimes when we're supposed to be having a 'quickie' and I keep thinking that DP is about to cum/has cum and he says 'I'm just holding on because I'm enjoying it' There is a time and a place for 5 hour long sessions but at 6.55am, when the alarm goes off at 7, it's not the right time! Particularly on a work day (although I admit to liking a pre-work shag)